Put Down The Assless Chaps and Pick Up A Gun: Judge Finally Orders Military to Stop Enforcing 'Don't Ask Don't Tell'

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Tuesday, 12 October 2010


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ABOVE: Nice penis, Colonel.

It took a lawsuit from the LCR -- a group of Gay Republicans, as if there were any non-gay Republicans-- to do what President Obama couldn't: The group was successful in getting a federal Judge to order the military to stop enforcing 'don't ask, don't tell' (DADT).

"If you can ably serve our country, and are willing to sacrifice your life to protect our freedoms," argued the LCR's attorneys. "Why should anyone care if you get off shoving Cheese Doodles up your ass? They should be recognized as heroes, and be thanked for helping protect the United States of America."


What the f--k does anyone care if you love c-ck, as long as you love your country as well? Do balls on your chin affect your ability to kill a terrorist? The mealy-mouthed, pussified language of 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' is no different than 'Separate But Equal', as a half-assed, quasi-liberal, quasi-enlightened attempt to assuage the people oppressed by public policy without alienating the bigoted a--holes who vote in great numbers.

Per the Court's Order, the military must "immediately suspend and discontinue any investigation, or discharge, separation, or other proceeding, that may have been commenced under the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'."

The Department of Justice is planning to appeal, but theirs is an uphill battle.

"We can't let baloney-smokers have guns," states the attorney for the Justice Department. "What's next? Allowing black people to own land? Letting women vote? Banning cock-fighting? Anarchy!"

"The military argues that DADT is important to protecting 'unit morale, good order, discipline, and cohesion'," said a Constitutional Law expert, who wished to remain anonymous. (It's me.) "To the contrary, the Court found that what the DADT policy is intended to serve is actually undermined by the DADT policy."

"Get the balls off your chin, and pick up an M16," read the Court's Order. "It's time for you bone-smugglers to get to the front lines and defend the American way of life, like marriage and adoption, and health care for spouses."

"Well, not for you queers, but for us normal Americans."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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