San Jose - (Earthworks): The Virgin's 1917 prophecies described a 'vision of hell' behind a cover story about 33 trapped Chilean miners in a collapsed San Jose gold and copper mine.
The ancient numerology reference scared the church shitless at that time because '33' is not only the number associated with the 33rd grade of masonic Grand Masters but it's also the number of popes who have NOT been convicted criminals.
During that last supernatural appearance on 13 October 1917 to three Portuguese peasant children the Virgin described a world calamity involving minors, blaming an Anti-Christ pope for a massive paedophile cover-up.
She also promised that come hell of high water Divine Retribution would punish the wicked via a miracle that she would work in exactly 93 years' time.
So far this week no supernatural goings on have been detected on planet earth.
However the 33 trapped Chilean metalworkers are due for a miraculous rescue scheduled for Wednesday 13 October in a bit of high-tech salvage kit dubbed 'The Phoenix'.
At the Vatican a spokesperson for the Pope said today reports that the Virgin was going to 'out' Joseph Ratzinger' as the predicted Anti-Christ nonce as 'baloney'.
However the Vatican Bank's accounts remain frozen after Italian police raided them in a huge money laundering raid last month.
"There'd be hell to pay for if the Virgin decides to carry out her threat this Wednesday," Interpol sources chuckled this afternoon.
"Miracle? Probably the only miracle in this sorry saga is how they got away with it for so long!"