Local Washington, DC bully, Bugger Maloney, has expressed anger over a recent government program that provides frogs, whose legs have been amputated and sent to local restaurants to appear on their menus as 'frog legs', a new life by saving the rest of the frog by providing doilies in place of their legs.
The program was the brainchild of the activist and lobbyist group FROG, which stands for Fricken Really Odd Gomers which is an organization that is run by director Gomer NoBoner and his partner Gomer DaHomer.
"This is a chance to give frogs a new life and beginning once their legs have been amputated and sent off to the restaurants and sold as frog legs", said Gomer NoBoner. "Me and my partner realized that, in the past, they used to just kill the frog after removing their legs. With this new program, the legless frogs can be saved and sent back into the wild to live a normal life. Well, as normal as can be for a legless frog, that is".
Local DC bully Bugger Maloney totally disagrees with FROG's concept and said: "This is wrong! This is really fricken wrong! I used to be able to walk along the C&O canal and scare up the frogs which were in the grass outside of the canal and watch them go 'hop, hop, hop, jump, plop' and into the canal. It was so much fun. Now, with those dumb doilies, they just sit on the canal's bank and go 'roll, roll, roll, plop!'.
"Man does that take the fun out of scaring the crap out of the slimy buggers".
"What makes it worse", continued Maloney, "Is that the doily frogs don't act anything like the regular frogs after they roll into the water, no not at all. The regular frogs swim out into the canal and then come back up for air and start swimming back to the canal bank where I would scare the crap out of them again!"
"I mean, these frogs with those doily things on them just float in the water upside down and don't do anything. Hell, they never swim back to the shore. As a matter of fact, they don't swim anywhere! They just float in the water underneath their doilies, doing nothing, for fricken ever".
"I had no idea that a frog could stay under water for that long".
When Bugger Maloney's concerns were mentioned to Gomer NoBoner, he replied: "I forgot to mention that Jethro Tull's Aqualung to make this happen".