Written by Herr Riballs

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

image for David Icke Names Queen's New Luxury Liner
David Icke, yesterday

David Icke, the former sports presenter, turned conspiracy theorist, had the honour yesterday of naming the Queen's new luxury cruise liner.

Mr Icke, 52, who once suggested that the Royal Family were all lizards in human form, was at Southampton docks at the grand unveiling of the super liner to a large selection of dignitaries and well heeled ocean goers.


Sweating profusely, and reading from a carefully worded script by Prince Phillip, Mr Icke joked "Well shiver me timbers. All ship shape shifting and ready to roll cap'n." Clearly confused and looking uncomfortable Icke went on "Eh ? Shape shifting ?" Nervously he continued "So where was I ? Oh aye, yeah, anyway, without further ado it gives me great pleasure to name this fine vessel the, er, Reptilian Agenda Of The Seas. What the .. ? I thought it was called Ocean Dream. Didn't I unveil this global conspiracy back in the eighties on Wogan." Visibly shaken he continued "So, may God (cheekily he added, "that's me") bless her and all those who get, er, ritually sacrificed in her. Shit ! Is this right Al ?"

Mr Icke was then hushed up and bundled into a waiting car by several members of what he calls the shadowy elite.

Posting on his blog today Icke said "I was talking to a former CIA agent and he told me that all the crew and passengers had direct reptilian bloodline links to queen Semiramis of Babylon. Some even came from Nibiru. I believe the masons and other secret societies are in on this esoteric agenda too. It is well known that our leaders are part of some secret global conspiracy to eat children, create a world bank, single world currency and a microchipped population. I call it the hidden hand" he added.

Super liner

The super liner was built at the huge cost of £365m and holds 2000 passengers but Icke believes the ship was built to act as a floating haven for human-lizard hybrids to perform ancient Babylonian rituals. Bizarrely, he even suggests that a Bloody Mary cocktail is made with real blood and from a real woman called Mary in honour of ancient goat God, Mary of Mesopotamia. According to Icke, the glossy brochure reveals a sinister side to the ocean going liner with features including:

  • A huge atrium, with a sacrificial altar, on which to serve up the heads of the newborn to the owl god Moloch.
  • Three world class restaurants including fine dining at the à la carte Dinner At The Roswell, The Skull and Bones Brasserie and The Bohemian Grove Bar and Grill.
  • Tea dances at the Twin Towers ballroom.
  • A 300 seater auditorium where cinema lovers can enjoy re-runs of the moon landings, 9/11, the death of Princess Di and the Kennedy assassination.
  • Shopaholics can literally shop til they drop at the Area 51 shopping arcade then unwind at the Ground Zero massage and spa.
  • Drinkers can enjoy a tipple at traditional British pub, The Doctor David Kelly, enjoy a pint of the 'black stuff' at the Irish theme bar The Anna Narky before dancing the night away at Illuminati nightclub.

Icke said "I don't want to say too much more but suffice to say this is the Brotherhood at work. For more information you will need to buy my books or donate to my website. I take Switch, Paypal, Postal Orders, Cheques and Cash."

Payment info

Chillingly, Icke warned that even the music industry has been infiltrated by the Babylonian Brotherhood. He said "Symbolism and subliminal messages of Satanism and sexual deviancy are everywhere." He explained "Take Lady Gaga for example. Innocent enough, right? Wrong. Did you know her name is an anagram of 'A Glad Gay'? It's everywhere. The hidden hand. You just need to know where to look. All this stuff is in my books. Like I said I don't want to say too much more but suffice to say this is the Brotherhood at work. For more information you will need to buy my books or donate to my website. I take Switch, Paypal, Postal Orders, Cheques and Cash."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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