Dancing With The Stars: Pamela Anderson Ties For 3rd And Her Bottom Ends Up In The Bottom Two
HOLLYWOOD - Pamela Anderson, who is one of the sexiest women to ever appear on Dancing With The Stars surprisingly ended up in the bottom two. Anderson had received a score of 22 out of a possible 30, which put her in a tie for third place. Ast...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Has The Worst Attitude of Anyone To Ever Appear on Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - On last week's Dancing With The Stars, professional baby maker Kate Gosselin finished in 9th place out of 11. This week "King Kate" who has got to have one of the positively worst attitudes of anyone in the history of DWTS finished in...
Read full storyScientist proves Kerry Katona doesn't actually exist
The whole world celebrated today as it was announced that Kerry Katona is nothing but a figment of everyone's imagination, just like that annoying opera singing c*nt off the Go Compare adverts. All those tabloid headlines about breakdowns, bankrup...
Read full storyJesse James and Ricky Martin?
On the same day that woman n°4 revealed herself in the sordid Jessie James affair, Hollywood is hot with the rumor that recently outed Ricky Martin may be the next to come forward. Speculation was heightened when he performed a new revised versio...
Read full storyMore revelations of tax evasion
Another politician has come clean about his tax evasion scam, but he explains it very well! "Look" he said, "if they are daft enough to elect me I am game for anything. Do you think my parents paid for my education to work for a living? Good God...
Read full storyEaster Bunny runs amuck in Canadian Elementary School
Police were called to Huffington Public School in Ontario this morning. (note: Public Schools in Canada are 'State schools' NOT posh private schools). The alarm was raised by the custodian Peter Scrubs who noticed the Easter Bunny sneaking into sc...
Read full storyRicky Martin Says His Former Partner, Clarence Lemonjello, Caused Him To Reveal He Was Gay
"Clarey was all set to make a big announcement to the press and was even thinking about writing an expose book about our life together so I decided to come out of the closet once and for all", stated Ricky Martin this morning. "Actually, I'm glad...
Read full storyPutin says Black Widow bombers are from women-only town of Chechen lesbians
Moscow - (Spider Hole): Chechen Spider Woman lesbians are tormenting Russian Prime Monster Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin who has found a new way to frame them for this week's Moscow bombings. Last year the arachnid web's existence was confirmed by the...
Read full storyBrown sells Isle o' Wight to Obama!
In a desperate bid to sell off every national asset whilst demonstrating his peerless negotiating brilliance to NuLabour's Benefit Claiming Clientelle; Prime minister Gordon Brown has sold the Isle o' Wight to America for $1 million dollars & a F...
Read full storyEcuador's President Raphael North Correa caught siphoning off secret Pyongyang crude profits
Quito - (Suckers): In a landmark ruling the international arbitration court has adjudicated that badass Ecuadorean President Correa (sic) is in cahoots with Pyongyang's Kim 'Mah' Jong Ill in a crude creaming-off venture worth $1 billion a year. Th...
Read full storyLingerie Company Dumps Peaches Geldof's 'Melons'
LONDON - The Unified Lingerie Company has parted ways with their top model wayward socialite Peaches Geldof. Company spokesperson Elaine Ellen Hazelham, 57, said that the recent photographs in which Peaches was shown in various stages of hugging,...
Read full storyJesse James Checks Into Rehab Clinic In Arizona To Cure His Tattoo Addiction
TUCSON, Arizona - Jesse "The Tattooed Wiener" James has finally decided that the heat has gotten too hot in his "Crotch Kitchen" and he has decided to admit himself into a rehab clinic. After looking in the Internet he finally found what he feels...
Read full storyKatie Price To Launch TV Channel
Katie Price has revealed she is to launch her own TV channel later this year as part of her global expansion plan. Ms. Price exclusively revealed her brilliant plan to a room of yawning journalists: "I'm fed up with having to be beholding to t...
Read full storyRooney Angered By Teammates
Manchester United lost to Bayern Munich last night, and in the fallout from this, Wayne Rooney has criticised his colleagues. The 2-1 defeat, could see the English side dumped out of Europe, barring a win in next week's second leg. Having limped o...
Read full storySpoof scandal rocks The Spoof, Rooney's ankle wins more points than R***y M****n coming out Spoofs!
The latest scandal to rock the marble chambers of the majestic SPOOF MANSION has hit like a force 9 earthquake and the tsunami that followed. The subject of this scandal is Rooney's ankle scoring more points than all of the "GAY SPOOFING" regardin...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Caught In Love Triangle With Cheryl Cole and Peter Andre
Teen heart-throb, Justin Bieber, has been caught up in one of the most captivating love triangles in recent memory. Over the past few days, Peter Andre, and Cheryl Cole, have become something of an item. Therefore, when Chezza said "Actually I am...
Read full storyBelgium shows it's Balls and bans the Burka!
Belgium has balls and to prove it they are the first European country to ban that ugly piece of cloth covering many Muslim women's faces in public, the Burka! This headscarf (and other things) has caused controversy ever since Europe was invaded b...
Read full storyFirst Pizza Chain Discovered
Archeology in Pompeii never ceases to amaze and delight. The Pompeii dig is huge and vast portions of it have yet to be plotted, dug, and researched. In an untapped area archeologists have now discovered what is likely Italy's first pizza parl...
Read full storyRobin Williams Says Australians Are Really Nothing More Than British Rednecks
MELBOURNE, Australia - Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is fit to be tied to the tallest Eucalyptus tree in the Australian outback. American comedian Robin Williams was 'down under' to see about purchasing a male and female kangaroo, along wit...
Read full storyIsrael To Ban Popcorn Box Sex In Movie Theatres
A large box of popcorn sells for about $5.00 in Israel theatres. Carmel Shama, an Israeli lawmaker, thinks that this is outrageous because it is delaying puberty rites for Jewish children who cannot afford to pay this exorbitant price. It is cu...
Read full storySusan Boyle fans cautioned to keep the peace in Japan
Susan Boyle fans, in Japan to attend a concert by their idol were today involved in several incidents in a Japanese hotel. Police were called by nervous hotel staff who had been unable to calm the excited fans. A spokesman for the police told u...
Read full storyBrown: If You Don't Like Foreigners, Don't Look at Them
People worried about immigration should not look at foreigners, Gordon Brown has said. The embattled prime minister has said observing those from abroad stirs up hatred - and even a 'slight glance' is racist. 'It is dangerous to spy, watch or v...
Read full storySick Perv Who Faked Own Death Receives Free Handouts in Jail
A SICK PERVERT who attempted to fake his own death by SELF-ABUSING himself for forty-eight hours was today sentenced to spend the rest of his life in a recently-carpeted bungalow in beautiful Lytham St Annes, AT YOUR EXPENSE! The MONSTER who canno...
Read full storyPalin has Done P*ssed Off Obama Good This Time
Washington, DC - President Obama announced today that he is ready to open up some drilling off the coasts of the United States. However, Alaska's Bristol Bay, named after Palin's daughter, Bristol (hah, just making that part up), won't be part of...
Read full storyToyota Recall Proves British Motor Industry Is Still The Best
The resilient British motor industry received yet another BOOST with the recall of billions of Toyotas, government figures revealed today. Cars manufactured in the UK before they became part of China's Nanjing Automobile company in 2005 have NEVER BE...
Read full storyWhite House Scatters As Biden Launches Daisy-Cutter!
President Barack Obama has banned Vice President Joe Bidden from any bathrooms close to where meetings are taking place after scattering the President, French President Sarkozy and reporters and photographers yesterday at the White House. "The VP...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Makes Less Selling Sperm Than Bobo Handcock Of Buzzard Bluff, Arkansas
While many fans do not know that they can sometimes purchase sperm from a national sperm bank to have a kid with the donater, you probably won't be able to purchase some at the higher end of the scale. ($10,000 to $100,000) In fact, the small com...
Read full storyGolf is a sport and not a biological calling
Augusta. Georgia. Tiger Woods was spotted today playing a practice round on the Pillock Mounds at the Masters home course. A reputable caddy-source reported that the Tiger was a little rusty on the front nine but shot a thirty one on the back nine,...
Read full storyMosquito Net Donors Disappointed Most Nets Used As Bath Sponges
A campaign website driven by the passion of it's donors who donate money to buy mosquito nets for the African child, has reported in a finding that in most instances the nets are cut into 4 by 6 and 10 by 10 pieces to be used respectively by childre...
Read full storyUsher Flies To London To Record A Duet With Cheryl Cole
LONDON - American rhythm and blues soul singer Usher flew to London to record a duet with Cheryl Cole. The song is one that Usher co-wrote with Kara DioGuardi and Neil Sedaka entitled, "Out With Ashley, In With Derek." The song is not really meant...
Read full storySandra Bullock 'Forgives' Jesse James During Bluray Promo
Sandra Bullock finally addressed her marital woes during taping of The George Lopez Show which her company, 'Fortis Films', produces. She was in attendance as a part of a whirlwind tour to promote the replacement of old DVDs with the current blu-ray...
Read full storyObama Signs Executive Order Granting Unions Religious Status
Newly appointed labor appointee Craig Pecker, sporting a gold fez and holding the spear of destiny, pulled President Obama out of his pocket long enough for him to sign an executive order to grant Labor Unions religious status. Political experts...
Read full storyUsher Mentors American Idol's Top Ten
HOLLYWOOD - Usher appeared on American Idol and mentored the final 10 contestants. Usher even suggested to judge Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson that he needs to work on four things. One he needs to stop saying "Yo, yo, so check it out dawg" every...
Read full storyConan O'Brien, Who Has Been Missing, Is Found Wandering Around Aimlessly In Kirstie Alley's Cleavage
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Conan O'Brien, who many remember from when he hosted The Tonight Show before Jay "Crybaby" Leno stole it from him has finally been found. O'Brien who had been missing for months was spotted wandering around aimlessly in Kirstie A...
Read full storyDubai discovers new oil find
Arab leaders in Dubai were cock-a-hoop with joy this morning over a large find of oil within the sand covered and debt ridden emirate. The find was reported by Iranian Taxi Driver Abdul Mohammed Mohammed Bin Mohammed while beginning his shift at...
Read full storyJesse James' dick falls off!
Jesse James has demanded his money back from the exclusive escort service that supplied him with a call girl on numerous occasions. Reports surfaced that James' penis suddenly turned black, shriveled up, and then fell off! Stunned, Jesse first tur...
Read full story"We're not taking it anymore!" Iraqi super-puppies fight back!
Baghdad, Iraq - Contrary to recent reports, canines all over Iraq are giving a great big case of 'Get Back'! Tired of being portrayed as wimpy, abused puppies, canines across the country have rolled up their sleeves, put on a Chuck Norris grimace...
Read full storyNew British Government Formed Today
A group of concerned businessmen, mainly concerned for England's chances in Wimbledon and the World Cup, have clubbed together to take the initiative and form the next British Government to save the public the trouble of hanging on for a general elec...
Read full storyMickey Mouse named in Zac Efron paternity suit
Mickey Mouse was very outspoken about allegations that he was romantically involved with a cast member several years ago, and from that steamy liaison an illegitimate son was born. An actor named Zac Efron. A sweat soaked Mickey had this to say, "...
Read full storyRhode Island Under Water, Patrick Kennedy Missing After Car Found Uspside Down Inside Flooded Bar!
After 15" of unprecedented rain fall, the state of Rhode Island, aptly named 'The Ocean State' continues to search for survivors, including Representative Patrick "Patches" Kennedy, son of the late Senator Ted Kennedy. The troubled representative...
Read full storyAgricultural Colleges Changing With The Times
British agricultural colleges were today accused of failing to teach the basics of farming. 'They've become centres of excellence in the teaching of many skills and crafts,' said the Government Chief Inspector of Colleges, 'but the management of c...
Read full storyCondom boss breaks silence on product recall
The president of condom manufacturers Rudex will make his first official public appearance today more than two weeks after the contraception guru was first forced to recall millions of packs of condoms across the UK and Ireland. Akio Dongalon, the...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson pissed again like he was last summer
Robert Pattinson was pissed again which has been a frequent occurrence over the last year. Pattinson was seen at a bar in London and after twelve pints of Lager he was laughing so much he pissed his pants. Pattinson has never been out of the news,...
Read full storyNanny McPhee wanted to be Heather Mills' Nanny
Heather Mills is appearing at an employment tribunal accused of bullying her former Nanny Sara Trouble, I mean Trumble. Nanny McPhee has spoken out against Mills saying "No Nanny should have to put up with a mean bullying bitch like Mills and as f...
Read full storyThe Horror of the Dead Babies Society
Authorities in China have arrested people working in a hospital in eastern China after the discovery of 21 dead babies found in yellow bags. The bags were washed ashore and some of them were marked medical waste,written in Chinese of course it was no...
Read full storyDr Who stopped at Heathrow Airport he should have used his Tardis
Dr Who alias Mr Smith that is Matt Smith was stopped at Heathrow airport yesterday for trying to take a sonic screw driver through security. Smith was trying to take a flight to Belfast when he was stopped by security people who thought the Doctors s...
Read full storyThe Horror of the Hadron Collider according to Mad Micky Morrison
The Hadron Collider is going to cause unspeakable horrors according to former scientist Mad Micky Morrison. The Hadron Collider smashed records yesterday as a force of SEVEN TRILLION electron volts was unleashed. Beams of protons were slammed togeth...
Read full storyKatie Price: I'm Better Than Kerry Katona
Busty beauty Katie Price, has today lashed out at her ex-husband Peter Andre posing for photos in glossy celebrity magazines with his friend Kerry Katona. Katona, who recently signed with the same management and legal team as Andre, has been to se...
Read full storyTony Blair is Tango'd as he has turned orange
Tony B Liar the worlds biggest liar,war criminal and all round unscrupulous evil bastard turned up yesterday looking more orange than the Orange Tango man in the television adverts. He was trying to drum up support for Labour for the election but...
Read full storyFinal Four: Gerald Butler's roots, and Butler roots for Butler
Ancestrally Gerald Butler may have had a relative namesake that was a butler. Or maybe that's a Hollywood name that was chosen to sound better on the big screen credits. After all if you are a movie starlet you don't want to be seen in People Mag...
Read full storyNarrowly Averted Crash Over SFO Blamed on Intoxication
SAN FRANCISCO - A brief investigation has revealed intoxication to be a factor which likely contributed to a near collision in the skies over SFO this weekend. According to the noted San Francisco satirist, a staggering homeless man - likely carry...
Read full storyThe Rolling Stones Are Asked To Write A New Theme Song For "The Vampire Dairies"
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones were both vacationing down in beautiful, scenic, romantic Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, but not in a gay way, when Jagger received a phone call from Manolo Middlezuck, producer o...
Read full storyRicky Martin Album Sales Quadruple In San Francisco
SAN FRANCISCO - Bruce Birdington, owner of The Prancing Pelican Record Shop has reported that since Ricky Martin announced that he had joined the 'Dark Side' his record sales have quadrupled. The newly announced gayette Ricky said that had he know...
Read full storyKate Gosselin's Dancing Partner Begs For His Life
Well, maybe that is a bit overly dramatic, but things between Gosselin and her dancing partner, Tony Dovolani, on the hit show Dancing with the Stars are anything but ideal. Dovolani walked out on Gosselin when she questioned his teaching techniqu...
Read full storyCricket: All-Rounder bats and bowls
The latest craze to hit the cricket world is a new cell phone designed especially for the sports lover. This reporter got an early look at a new cell phone design and am happy to give a superior bang on rating. The next time you see a googly move...
Read full storySex Shown to Have Addictive Properties
New York NY: A new study finds sex may be as addictive as the need for salt in the human diet. This scholarly study was published in the latest issue of Playhomme Magazine. Male and female laboratory assistants were used as test cases to illustrat...
Read full storyGovernment bailout of birdhouses in Florida
Life seemed great for retiring Birders who moved to the Aviary Antebellum Estates in 2001 thru 2004. Located next to a huge water fowl migrating area the estate was ideal for seeing dozens of species daily. The home owners association spent m...
Read full storyGarner-Affleck Stalker Declared "Nutty As A Fruitcake"
A judge in Los Angeles County has ruled that Marvin Strickland, who pleaded no contest at the hearing while playing with himself, to stay away from the Affleck family or their children at school or he will be going to a mental institution. The jud...
Read full storyCanadian stairs are too much for Her Majesty, the Queen say officials in Canada
An official of the Royal Nova Scotia International Tattoo has denied that some Canadians think that Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II is unable to climb Canadian stairs. The 17 stairs in question will take the Queen to a stage at the Tattoo but Cana...
Read full story