New British Government Formed Today

Written by Steddyeddy

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

image for New British Government Formed Today
The new Secretary of State for Pulling Faces

A group of concerned businessmen, mainly concerned for England's chances in Wimbledon and the World Cup, have clubbed together to take the initiative and form the next British Government to save the public the trouble of hanging on for a general election.

The new government, based in Croydon Town Hall, is already beginning to formulate their plans for saving the country. They initially sought assistance from many of the country's Institutes and Associations, but found that on the whole they were so useless and full of hot wind and their own self importance, that they decided to go it alone. The various Institutes for Human Resources and Personnel were found to be especially useless, many not even knowing what day it was.

The new prime minister, Lily Savage, announced the key members of her new cabinet earlier this morning:

The new Home Secretary, Mrs Agnes Spew, has confirmed that she will indeed be working as a secretary from home.

Foreign Secretary Roger Kowalski couldn't at this stage confirm his position as he doesn't speak any English, although his nephew who lives in East Cheam was able to verify that Mr Kowalski is indeed very foreign.

Popular entertainer Graham Norton has been appointed Minister for Television and is also the new government paper-clip tzar.

Sophie Webster from the popular television soap opera Coronation Street has been appointed Secretary of State for Edukashun, with Stephen Fry appointed as her interpreter just in case the majority of the population can't fathom her accent or understand a word she is saying.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer post goes to popular former banker Fred Shred, because the new government is keen to carry on the tradition of having useless and cluessless, selfish idiots ruining, er, running the economy.

Eamonn Holmes is wheeled in, possibly because of his size, as the new Minister for Fish and Chips with a special responsibility for fast food.

Roger Kellogg, a relative of the famous cereal firm, is appointed Minister for Chocolate, mainly because certain cereal firms seem incapable of producing a new breakfast cereal that doesn't contain chocolate.

Nick B Astard of the BNP was to have been appointed Minister for Racism, but was unavailable to take up his post as he was in Milton Keynes at the time shouting abuse at some people from the Philippines.

Elliot Morley has been appointed Secretary of State for Expenses.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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