LONDON - American rhythm and blues soul singer Usher flew to London to record a duet with Cheryl Cole. The song is one that Usher co-wrote with Kara DioGuardi and Neil Sedaka entitled, "Out With Ashley, In With Derek."
The song is not really meant as a reflection on the Cheryl Cole - Derek Hough relationship but it does make a statement that says that Ashley will never again ever even get close enough to Cheryl to smell her sweet fragrant (blank) much less (blank) it.
Usher was asked what he thought about Ashley being unfaithful to his gorgeous wife Cheryl. He took a sip of his tea, nibbled on his crumpet, and replied, "Does Ashley not have a mirror or what? The blithering black bloke is one ugly-looking pile of sheep shite. He looks like a Zimbabwe cannibal tribesman with a shirt and tie for goodness sakes."
Usher went on to say that he had no idea what Cheryl saw in 'Arseley' (Ashley). He then said that Derek is good looking and he knows that he will treat Cheryl like the fine English lady that she is.
Simon Cowell, who is a close friend of Cheryl's, noted that Mrs. Cole likes Derek so much that she recently had the initials D.H. tattooed on her left tonsil.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Simon was wrong. It was actually her right tonsil.]
And speaking of English ladies. Queen Elizabeth II, has just purchased her 1,397th hat. It is a big brimmed lime green flowery hat [SEE PHOTO UPPER RIGHT] that she purchased from a clearance bin at Hattie's Hat Shoppe in West Wickham for £17 [$25.62 U.S.].