The president of condom manufacturers Rudex will make his first official public appearance today more than two weeks after the contraception guru was first forced to recall millions of packs of condoms across the UK and Ireland.
Akio Dongalon, the grandson of the Condom giant founder, Kiichira Duerxio, will stand alongside Shinichi Nipper, the executive in charge of quality, to answer questions on one of the worst crisis in the company's 50-year history.
Rudex is facing a recall of 270,000 units of its FeatherSwift Ultra multipack condoms in the UK and Ireland due to a terrible mix up in lubrication fluid. It's now been revealed that the spermicidal lubrication injected inside the condoms was accidentally replaced with Araldite. Araldite is used for sealing the edges of the foil packaging around the rubbers, but a logistical mix up in the Japanese factories Goods Inn caused the solvent to be labelled incorrectly.
Akio Dongalon, who took the helm of Rudex last June, has not made an official statement on the crisis since it broke, except for a 75-second interview at the World STD Conference in Gambia where he said: "We're extremely sorry to have made customers feel uneasy, and would not wish a sticky penis on anyone".
So far in the UK there has already been 84 men admitted to hospital with penis injuries relating to the ordeal but surprisingly in Ireland there have been no reported cases. Rudex have already received 7 law suits against them, the most eye watering one being from a young Scotsman Kenneth RoyRogers.
Kenneth had settled down for his usual Wednesday night entertainment consisting of a cannabis stick, a copy of Bella and a FeatherSwift Condom. Everything was going fine until things got messy and young Kenneth passed out. The next thing he remembers is waking up, looking down and screaming.
Unbelievably over-night his penis emissions had reacted with the Araldite and formed a covalent heat bond between his Wilfred-Owen and the latex sheath. Manual removal of the FeatherSwift was now impossible and as a consequence poor Kenneth has had to undergo hospital surgery to have the whole skin of his 3-inch wonder removed- something his devout Christian parents are distraught about.
