Judge Rules Undocumented Canadian Immigrants Are Legal Because They Are Not Brown
A Federal Judge in Arizona ruled today that Canadians that enter the United States without proper documentation are not to be considered illegal aliens. The landmark case of Dion, Lavigne, Morissette et als. v. The United States, featured some fie...
Read full storyPrince Charles Taylor war crimes tribunal to subpoena Fergie
The Hague - (On-The-Rocks): Was virtual bankrupt Sarah, Duchess of York plied with blood diamonds 'like all the other hos' testifying in The Hague this week? Insolvency voluntary arrangement sources said today Fergie's rapacious greed has seen her...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens, Justin Bieber, Jake Pavelka, and Vienna Girardi To Star In "The Satanic Zombies Vs. King Kong
HOLLYWOOD - Hollywood Sign Pictures will begin filming on Duffy Bayou-Gauche's quasi horror film, The Satanic Zombies Vs. King Kong. Bayou-Gauche said that unlike other movies in which King Kong has been pitted against an arch rival, this movie wi...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Secretly Dating Heidi Montag
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Taylor Lautner and Heidi Montag were seen at West Hollywood's trendy restaurant, The Texas Cattle Stampede Steakhouse. Lautner 18, said that he has had a crush on Montag ever since he first saw here on the reality show The Hills.
Read full storyLady Gaga Arrested For Flashing Cars In Los Angeles!
Saying "This will just ruin my reputation", Lady Gaga was arrested this morning for flashing cars on the Los Angeles Freeway. "Please, Please don't let this get into the press or I don't know what I will do." "Lady", stated police officer Richa...
Read full storyDeclassified documents reveal Canada plotting to "...separate Northern US states from the rest of Jesusland"
While America has been busy abroad: dividing and splitting failing regimes, sleeping with dictators, bribing and praising anti-US military leaders and funding-arming 'good' terrorists - something unusual has been going on - albeit surreptitiously - n...
Read full storyShiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt takes flying lessons as Brangelina nickname her "Amelia Earwax"
Watch out Suri Cruise. Your little-girl high-heels, ballet tutu and red lipstick are no match for the new kid on the block. 4-year old tomboy Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt is setting the gossip pages ablaze with her adventures. From 'creating' her ow...
Read full storyRon Atkinson to return to Aston Villa
After Martin O'Neill's shock resignation from Aston Villa, 'Big' Ron Atkinson is favourite with the bookies to return to the hot seat at Villa Park. Atkinson was manager of the Villains from 1991-94 where he helped Villa win their first piece of s...
Read full storyPast American Idol Winner Fantasia Barrino Faces Public Scorn
Greensboro, NC - Lawyers for past American Idol Winner, Fantasia Barrino are working feverishly to overturn a judge's sentence calling for the public scorn of the star after she was found guilty of adultery. At the core of the case, Barrino and a man...
Read full storyPimp My Slide: New Kid's Backyard Makeover Show Airs Saturdays
Rounding out the new fall Saturday morning line up for kids will be a new spin off to a popular auto customizing show called Pimp My Ride. Targeted at kids hoping to upgrade their backyard slides and swing sets, "Pimp My Slide" will feature a team o...
Read full storyCastro Warns of Nuclear War. Blames "Damn Kids on Lawn."
Havana, Cuba (BNSE): Cuban leader, Fidel Castro, delighted Cuba's Parliament with his first public appearance in over four years. A strong, healthy, and vigorous Castro amazed Cuba's leaders and the assembled press corps alike with his deep grasp o...
Read full storyNaomi Campbell's Diamond Bath Plug
It has been revealed today that a diamond as big as a golf ball has been found inside the London home of Naomi Campbell. It is believed to have been used to decorate a bath plug in a top secret bathroom used only by Naomi and very honoured guests, li...
Read full storyMichelle Vacation Causes GOP Outrage!
First Lady Michelle Obama took a vacation in Europe this week, igniting a firestorm of scandal about Beltway insiders. "A vacation in Europe?" wept Fox News Crier Glen Beck. "Do I have to draw you a picture? Lenin took a vacation to Europe. Karl M...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Nearly Wipes Out Whole Family!
According to a report we just got in, a family picnic given by the George W. Bush family of Crawford, Texas on his ranch has ended in a tragedy as three people have been hospitalized, twenty others treated for wounds and punctures. When the ambula...
Read full storyLanky footystar, Peter Crouch, beds a "hooker" because his fiancee is too tall!
England footy international, Peter Crouch, better known for his length and heading ability than his sexual excapades bedded a Nigerian Hooker because his fiancee is a bit too tall and doesn't give him enough downward "head-ers". Peter explained:...
Read full storyBotox Bandit
A woman dubbed the 'Botox Bandit' has finally been arrested after stealing/having umpteen cosmetic treatments reputably costing well over $5,000. Seemingly,Tanya Hyde, 29, travelled around Florida having numerous wrinkle fillers, facials and vario...
Read full storyDavid Archuleta and Demi Lovato Seen Sharing Some McNuggets At A Mickey D's In Pomona
POMONA, California - David Archuleta and Demi Lovato were recently seen at a McDonalds sharing an order or Chicken McNuggets. The two teen singing sensations were having a good time throwing the McNuggets into each others mouths. David did not mis...
Read full storyMartin O'Neill And Aston Villa Divorce
The football world has been shaken to its very foundations this evening with the sad news that Aston Villa and Martin O'Neill have divorced. The marriage was annulled this afternoon, taking just two minutes. O'Neill and Villa wed four years ago in...
Read full storyTaylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Momsen, Elizabeth Taylor, and Rip Taylor To Star In "My Mother Was A Taylor, She Sewed My New Blue Jeans"
HOLLYWOOD - A spokesperson for Candlelight Motion Pictures in association with Sand Castle Pictures and Lionsface Studios has announced that they will soon begin production on the Salvo Classacotti film My Mother Was A Taylor She Sewed My New Blue Je...
Read full storyLaToya Jackson wants her nose redone by surgeon who reconstructed Afghan girl's mutilated nose
Aisha, an 18-year old Afghan girl whose nose and ears had been cut off by her abusive husband with the 'blessings' of a Taliban commander - is in the US to have her nose rebuilt. Aisha, who is the featured on a controversial Time magazine cover is...
Read full storyRandy Rocker Rod To Be Seven Time Dad At 66
Randy old rocker Rod Stewart has proved that there's life in the old dog yet, by announcing that he's to become a dad for the seventh time at the rollicking old age of 66. Elderly gentlemen the world over have petitioned Rod the mod to write a boo...
Read full story"Charlie Brown Was the Manchurian Candidate," Says Andrew Breitbart
Andrew Breitbart, never at a loss to expose the most respected in the US, published a report today stating that Charlie Brown, in fact, was the Manchurian Candidate. "He was definitely the Manchurian Candidate," said the report. "His creator Char...
Read full storyNorth Korea executes thousands
North Korea, determined to flex its muscle against the war games that the US and South Korea are conducting, executed thousands of fish yesterday. "We warned the Americans and our ex-Brothers in the south that if they carried out these exercises,...
Read full storyCapello's crisis
England's football manager Fabio Capello is considering retirement so a younger man can take over the troublesome job. Two fingers from two players and an unexpected appearance of another in a match he wasn't supposed to be playing in, give the im...
Read full storyThe 'crown jewels' of all blood diamond lies
Balmoral Castle - (On-The-Rocks News): The Queen has received a subpoena to testify at the blood diamonds trial in The Hague. Apparently a parure - a suite of jewellery comprising a tiara, necklace, earrings, bracelets, rings, brooch and belt clas...
Read full storyMia Farrow thought she thaw a bwood diamond
There is no doubt about it. The ex-Mrs Woody Allen, is vewwwy vewwy sure of what she saw,or heard or something. When Super-Glam__tantrum Diva Naomi Campbell told her about, (no sorry , showed her, no...er,) the "huge gleaming gem" she testified so...
Read full storyJames Blunt in Cockney Slang Dictionary
English singer/ songwriter, James Blunt has revealed his distress at being included in the 2010 edition of The Cockney Slang Dictionary. The book which features alphabetical examples of cockney slang and their meanings, has been on sale annually...
Read full storyPope to visit Skelmersdale
Residents of Skelmersdale, Lancashire, were thrilled to learn via The Pope's Twitter page that he intends to visit the town in November. The Pope, who is already visiting the UK next month, decided to make a return visit later in the Autumn, due to...
Read full storyRolling news out of control
Twenty four hour news channels are out of control. 'They keep on reporting the same things again and again and transmit pictures repeatedly. It gives me a headache' complained a TV addict. This is but one example of an addiction that has doctors worr...
Read full storyTommy Cooper's England 1 V 0 Slovenia. - Full Match Analytical Report
Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium, Port Elizabeth, Wednesday, 23rd June 2010. Tommy Cooper's England needed to win against Slovenia to progress to the second round and remake their World Cup future. Anything less, and less than 11 days after Tommy Coope...
Read full storyBan on Humour Proposed
A movement with significant support has emerged which has proposals for a ban on all humour. 'Life is too serious for these silly stories which no one has time to appreciate anyway' said Mildred Misery, leader of this band of warriors. Some of...
Read full storyMilk Snatch Off
Plans being hatched in the hidden dungeons of an evil empire to wrest bottles of milk from children under 6 have been dropped by the controller of the snatch organisers. Fooled into believing the rulers of this empire had been absorbed by spirits...
Read full storyHyenasianism
Although Hyenasianism, derived from 'hyena', has been around for so many centuries, it did not surface until after 9/11. Briefly, this meritorious form of government does not rely on ill-fated majority consensus. Therefore, it has rendered polling stations obsolete. Good riddance! Hyenasianism, neither a monarchy nor a republic, is a well-marinated system which simply requires a low perce...
Read full storyAsspayus head saves the world
After learning about a rumor that implicated him in an Asspayu head bounty offer. A Mexican drug lord became enraged and starting screaming "not True" "Not me" "This will put in question my good taste and reputation" "As a business man I make good...
Read full storyGiant Moth Balls Found at Site of WV Bridge Collapse
Point Pleasant, WVa - The mystery of what became of the legendary Mothman creature may be close to being solved in West Virginia. Forensics specialists have been called in to study what appear to be giant furry balls found near the site of a bridge t...
Read full storyThe Beach Boys 27-City Concert Tour Cancelled When Only 34 Tickets Are Sold
SANTA MONICA BEACH - The California band, The Beach Boys have been performing since 1961. They had made plans to celebrate 50 years in the music business with a 27-city concert tour starting in December. Their manager Agustus "Flip Side" Huckleche...
Read full storySelena Gomez's Hit Song "Don't Touch Me Below The Belt" Soars To #1
BEVERLY HILLS - Selena Gomez was shopping at a trendy cosmetics shop on Rodeo Drive when she was asked about her latest hit song. Selena smiled and said that the song which she co-wrote with Ke$ha, "Don't Touch Me Below The Belt" has already made...
Read full storyThe British Don't Give A Shit About BP Gulf Oil Spill
Surprising results from a British media survey into the BP Gulf Of Mexico oil spill reveals that the vast majority of British people don't give a shit, and the remainder don't give two shits. Spokesman for the British, Winston Buddha, from Birming...
Read full storyRooney Booed By Chelsea Rent Boys
Eye witness reports have confirmed that dozens of Manchester United fans had to be administered oxygen by paramedics at yesterday's Community Shield Wembley showpiece between Manchester United and Chelsea. "What's that all about then?" one Manches...
Read full storyJesus "disappointed" that The Devil has more Facebook friends
Jesus Christ announced today through a Facebook status that he is "disappointed" that The Devil has more online friends than him. He later commented on his own status and declared that he was "starting to regret suffering on the cross for everyon...
Read full storyMan Eaten By Angry Vagina
A man, yet to be identified pending notification of the family,is presumed dead, after being consumed by, a large, angry, oozing, vagina. Passers by were stunned and amazed, when they eye witnessed a man and a large vagina in an altercation over...
Read full storyInternational Football Is Shit, Say Players
International football has been hit by a slew of insulting retirements over the weekend, with at least three players giving notice that they no longer want to play for their countries again, because it is "shit". First to go was the 'hunky' Blackb...
Read full storyPorn Star Ron Jeremy's Killer Penis Movie Achieves Cult Status
Skoob Entertainment News takes no pleasure whatsoever in announcing that a low budget horror movie, occasionally screened on late night satellite movie channels, entitled: "One Eyed Monster" has achieved cult status in Europe. And that's official -...
Read full storyFormer H&R Block Tax Pro Finds Way to Make Company Profitable: File False Tax Returns! -- "It's no less heinous than charging clients 36% interest for RALs," says future former Block Executive Mazz Phillini.
U.S. Attorney Virginia Beach found a way to get her name in the local papers to impress her parents by announcing today that former H&R Block tax professional O.C. "Original Criminal" Calhoun, Jr., 43, of Buffalo, NY, was sentenced to 5 years pro...
Read full storyChelsea A Revelation In Wembley Community Shield
Chelsea proved to be a revelation in yesterday's Community Shield season curtain raiser at Wembley, as they capitulated without much of a struggle to an unfancied Manchester United team. Even United fans were shocked by Chelsea's lacklustre perfor...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Ditch Debate Deepens
Sandown - Local residents met last evening at Norbert's Fish and Chips to discuss plans to construct a ditch west of town towards Newchurch. Town clerk Noel Worthington presented plans completed by the civil engineer which he said are ready for tende...
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