Eye witness reports have confirmed that dozens of Manchester United fans had to be administered oxygen by paramedics at yesterday's Community Shield Wembley showpiece between Manchester United and Chelsea.
"What's that all about then?" one Manchester United fan, who was turning blue with excessive laughter, allegedly said to a reporter as an oxygen mask was pushed in his face.
The incidents occurred as Chelsea supporters - known universally by opposing fans as "rent boys" - systematically started to boo and jeer every time Manchester United's rapidly balding Scouse talisman, Wayne "Granny Shafter" Rooney touched the ball.
Neutrals could only speculate that the anti-Rooney sentiments were fomented by home counties based Sun readers who blamed Rooney for England's dismal World Cup performances.
Neglecting to consider the John Terry, Ashley Cole scandals which fractured the England team in South Africa, in a series of events yet to be made public. (Apart from on this website.)
Following the outburst of spontaneous irony by the "rent boys" Manchester United fans, suffered hypoxia and oxygen deprivation* as they wilted under waves of sarcastic laughter and applause. Which prompted paramedic intervention.
Which prompted one ambulance bound United fan to gasp:
"They're havin' a fuckin' laugh aren't they?"
Just before he turned blue - but not in a Chelsea way.
More as we get it.
*They're probably the same thing - hypoxia and oxygen deprivation, or possibly opposites, but Skoob Sports News wouldn't know that. Our chap's just a sports reporter.**
**They do mean the same thing but our reporter didn't want to come across as a smart arse.
More as we get it.
