England footy international, Peter Crouch, better known for his length and heading ability than his sexual excapades bedded a Nigerian Hooker because his fiancee is a bit too tall and doesn't give him enough downward "head-ers".
Peter explained:
"When we're in bed like, my legs are so long and Abbey's are too so we get all knotted up and when Abbey attempts to give me some 'head' I go all limp and soggy!" (bit like his finishing actually)
"The Hooker was compact, small, huge boobs, throbbing, steamy thighs, lips lie Tina Turner and a butt like Beyonce, certainly no knotting up, I stayed stiff and she was worth the 1000 Euro's any day!"
Peter's fiancee, Abbey, has threatened to leave Peter unless he can find a solution to the problem and stops employing whores to "blow him to heaven".
Peter is now consulting a sex therapist and hopes she will offer some advice in how to solve the problem and being a French therapist she has offered the perfect advice:
"qui, qui, Peter and Abbey must try ze 69er position, no legs just bouche et les tetés seulement, excellent voila!"
Good luck Peter and Abbey, England needs you both (just like a f*****g toothache).
