Written by Bill Licks

Monday, 9 August 2010

image for Ron Atkinson to return to Aston Villa
The new AVFC club badge will be worn on the players shirts this season

After Martin O'Neill's shock resignation from Aston Villa, 'Big' Ron Atkinson is favourite with the bookies to return to the hot seat at Villa Park.

Atkinson was manager of the Villains from 1991-94 where he helped Villa win their first piece of silverware since their European Cup triumph in 1982. The club are hoping his knowledge and experience will help the Midlanders return to the glory days of the early 80's and break the monopoly of Manchester Utd and Chelsea's dominance as Premier League Champions.

'There's gonna be big changes' announced Big Ron at a press conference. 'Certain players like Ashley Young, Gabriel Agbonlahor, John Carew, Nathan Delfouneso, Curtis Davies, Fabian Delph, Emile Heskey, Nigel Reo-Coker, Isiah Osborne and Habib Beye will all be sold off at knock down prices.'

'They've done a job at the club but I feel its time for them to fuc..... er ...sorry move on and find other clubs to play for. Don't get me wrong, I like the lads but I just thought they weren't pulling their weight in training. They were just strolling around the pitch with their headphones on so I shouted 'You lazy Nig.....erm... Nigel Reo-Coker. You and your friends need to try a bit harder.'

Atkinson has also confirmed a surprise choice as assistant coach of Aston Villa, the current leader of the BNP, Nick Griffin. 'He's got no previous experience in football but he's got an attitude and belief that I admire. He wants to bring football back to the people of Britain from the grass roots level. That means cutting down on the number of foreign players, and those that look foreign playing at the club which can only be of help to the English national team in the long run.'

In another shock announcement, Big Ron declared that he will be changing the name of the club. 'Aston Villa sounds a bit foreign if you ask me. You know a bit sort of dago or wop or something. We will still be AVFC but we will now be known as Aryan Victorious Football Club. And I will be known as the Fuhrer. And ve vill march up the Premier League and vill ultimately conquer Europe.'

A new book - Ron Atkinson from Third place in the Premier League to the Third Reich is released next week.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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