Skoob Entertainment News takes no pleasure whatsoever in announcing that a low budget horror movie, occasionally screened on late night satellite movie channels, entitled:
"One Eyed Monster" has achieved cult status in Europe. And that's official - according to dubious sources.
The movie, which features aged and faded porn star Ron Jeremy, depicts the supernatural homicidal rampage of his once highly esteemed cock.
Why this movie has taken off is anybody's guess, but rumour has it that it's immensely popular in the footballing fraternity - among such luminaries as Peter Crouch, Ashley Cole, John Terry and Cristiano Ronaldo. Although SEN has no evidence to support this claim.
The movie contains the classic line:
"Why don't we talk to Ron's dick?"
The movie goes on to posit the theory that space aliens have somehow possessed Ron Jeremy's dick, and are using its irresistable dimensions for their own nefarious ends.
Circumcision with an axe, is one proffered solution to the murderous rampage of Ron Jeremy's "thing" - which the cast refer to as "Ron."
"The One Eyed Monster."
Skoob Entertainment News is basically of the opinion that the movie is a load of old shite.
Quite frankly, we think that this piece of execrable garbage is not worth a wank. But then, there's no accounting for taste.
Our Senior Showbiz Correspondent, Buffty Ginslinger, told us exclusively from his Soho watering hole:
"Stopping Ron Jeremy's disembodied, alien inspired dick from going on a cockicidal rampage is quite simple - take away the viagra."
Which makes sense, because singing folk songs to the homicidal cock doesn't seem to work either - SEN advised clobbering it with a shovel.
More as we get it.
