After learning about a rumor that implicated him in an Asspayu head bounty offer. A Mexican drug lord became enraged and starting screaming "not True" "Not me" "This will put in question my good taste and reputation" "As a business man I make good buying decisions, I'm not going to pay a million dollar for a defective head with the thinking capacity of a re-fried bean."
"If I wanted buy good head I go to Craig's list, I don't send bounty notes or use cell phone". "Asspayu head has senile defective brain, a nose that resembles a partially digested bloody meatball that has been vomited and a few strands of greasy hairs. It makes it hard to carry. it will slip through my fingers.
I will put bounty on whomever started this derogatory rumor".
Meanwhile the same day at the Mariposa county sheriff office Asspayu was taken a nap. After eating three green bologna sandwiches, a large anchovies pizza, three burritos and drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels. The rotund human garbage disposal fell asleep
A group of space aliens who were in search of intelligent life in the universe were taking part in a human scouting mission They wanted to infiltrate planet earth and steal American jobs. The aliens wanted to kidnap a human whose brain had the ability to lie, promote himself without any shame whatsoever and who had no regard for human life. After watching the cowardly sheriff modus operandi the director of the operation announced that the sheriff fits that profile.The space aliens quickly landed, removed the one loose screw that was barely holding Asspayu head in place and took it to the mother ship..
After an un-invasive brain surgery. The alien head surgeon got really upset. He screamed "their is not a minutia of intelligence in this earthling brain" "not a trace of a stinking thinking noodle". All there is inside this skull is old dried-up crusty meatballs infected with mad cow disease and a couple of petrified navy beans surrounded by some old macaroni pasta..
The petrified beans and pasta most likely came from an old pasta fagioli cup of soup that a hungry Asspayu inhaled accidentally during a hunger satisfying face stuffing..
"We wasted our time" the head of the mission said. He threw the head out the window which landed in a nearby river. The disappointed space aliens decided that there was no sign of intelligent life on earth and moved on to another planet.
Once again sheriff Joe saved America from invading illegal aliens. The only difference in that this time there was no media attention and he used his brain to fight the invasion.
A tourist of Hindu descend who was vacationing in Phoenix decided to walk over to the Yummy-Yummy Castle and pick up some ice cream for his ten year old boy. While walking to the store he saw Asspayu's head floating down the river. At first tourist thought it was a hippopotamus head that was sticking out of the water but then he realized the floating monstrosity with hair was too big to be a hippo's head. The good Samaritan tourist jumped into the river and recovered the head. He screamed "Oh my god who would throw such a bozo the clown looking head away". He quickly walked to the phoenix police station.
When the foreigner walked in the station with asspayu's head, a posy of volunteer deputies pulled their guns out and jumped on the good Samaritan Hindu. The man yells "My name is Akimel Yaqui Mohave"
I'm an India native. "Nonsense" said the deputy "we haven't had any of them feather savages Indians around these parts for nearly fifty years;" " I went to illegal immigrant recognition school and I know a criminal illegal alien when I see one". "You speak broken English", "you are brown and you have a wet back".
"Sir" Yaqui replied "I was going to buy ice cream for my son". "Now you have really incriminated yourself fellow", the deputy interrupted. "You even fit Obamas profile of an alien."
Dondi esten sus papiles?" the deputy asked in broken Spanish. Yaqui responded "what".
It wasn't until the deputy pointed at a birth certificate on the wall that the nervous Yaqui understood what the deputy was asking for. Yaqui remember his passport was in his pocket, He put his hand in his pocket but the passport was wet from his rescue mission. The only thing he could read was the word city of Bombay, A nervous stuttering Yaqui said "you see city Bom, Bomb" before the foreigner could stutter city of Bombay.
A nervous deputy screamed "he has a bomb and he is going to bomb the city".
Yaqui got arrested then deported to Mexico. As far as we know he still there and his son still waiting for the ice cream.
The deputies were able to put Joe's head back with crazy glue and duct tape.
