Kevin Skinner And Sarah Palin Agree To Hunt Down The Chupacabra That Took Jessica Simpson's Dog
HOLLYWOOD HILLS, California - Jessica Simpson, singer, songwriter, actress, and ex-Dallas Cowboy jinx has just stated that Kevin Skinner and Sarah Palin have both agreed to her urgent request that they hunt down the Chupacabra which made off with her...
Read full storyJeremy Piven Gets Mercury Poisoning All Over Again in Off-Broadway Parody Play
New York, New York - Jeremy Piven's may have recovered from an alleged bout with mercury poisoning from eating too much sushi that got him out of a play he did not want to do, but now it seems he is having a relapse. At least on a New York theater st...
Read full storyBaltimore Water Main Break Sparks Spontaneous Baptisms
Baltimore, Md - A major water main break in Baltimore causing the release of tens of thousands of gallons of water has sparked a fury of baptisms at the sight of the break. Holy Brood Baptist Church pastor, Leroy Dwayne Johnson, has stated that hu...
Read full storyEnergy bills unlikely to fall
Britain's main six energy suppliers today said that there is little chance of their prices being cut this coming year. The Lord Chief Justice said that there will be one law for Liverpool players, people with the name Blair, and MPs who steal taxp...
Read full storyTed Turner Admits To Knowing Wolf Blitzer Is As Dumb As A Sack Of Hammers
Atlanta, Georgia - Ted Turner, the man that created the Cable News Network, has admitted publicly today that he knew long before Celebrity Jeopardy came along that Wolf Blitzer was 'as dumb as a sack of hammers.' Wolf Blitzer, a popular newscaste...
Read full storyIllegals flock to California after Virgin sighting
A worker at a Flintstones Vitamin factory in Barstow, Calif., is recovering at a local hospital after she collapsed Friday morning when she lifted a fresh batch of the oddly sweet morsels out of the BamBamenator to find what she claimed was the Virgi...
Read full storyPretty Woman Unveils National Breast Appreciation Day Surprise
TAOS, New Mexico - In response to the upcoming National Breast Appreciation Day festivities, Julia Roberts has announced an alternative celebration at her 112-acre spread in Taos, New Mexico. "I want to make sure all women are fairly represented t...
Read full storyNASA taking the piss with ISS blue ice drop
Area 51, Nevada - (Heavens Above): About six months of International Space Station human waste was dumped on NASA headquarters at Groom Lake, Nevada this week. The space shuttle Discovery ejected two tonnes of fecal cocktail in the Earth's atmosp...
Read full story'Very Famous Scottish Celebrity Therapist' revealed by Jordan!
The Loch Ness Monster former star of the eighties poorly animated children's programme "Nessie" has been inundated with hate mail, journalists and general blather. After the entire UK speculate who attacked Britains Sweetheart Jordan Katona Goody Loh...
Read full storyDavid Cameron accuses Labour of lurching the UK into massive debts, David promises even more
Sure of election victory, Conservative leader and cocky Prime Minister wannabee, David Cameron, has accused Labour of reckless spending and he has vowed to do even better. Divulging his parties election manifesto at a meeting of demented OAP's and...
Read full storyConservatives rally to protest government run government
Columbia, SC - Thousands of protesters filled the west lawn of the South Carolina State Capitol on Friday in the largest rally against government run government since Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. Waving Confederate flags and misspelled hand...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Denies "Affection" For Rachel Maddow
(New Canaan-CT) Recent "Time Magazine" cover man Glenn Beck is denying that he has "affection or any other perverse emotion" for Rachel Maddow after it was revealed that the pugnacious radio and TV talk show host had compromising pictures of fellow t...
Read full storySlip Sliding Away - A Spoof Writer's Sacrifice
Today our reporters uncovered an interesting trend in the somewhat chaotic world of Spoof writing for a leading satirical website. A popular (although by no means the best) Spoof writer for satirical website TheSpoof.com told us exclusively that f...
Read full storyIndustry Baffled at Survivor Season Premiere's High Ratings
Television ratings system experts frenetically scrambled last night to determine if their measurement technologies had failed after reports that the premiere of Survivor Samoa managed to win its time period. The reality competition, now in its 19...
Read full storyMan City To Buy Man U
Manchester City owners Abu Dhabi Utd have placed a multi-billion bid for rivals Manchester United. The audacious move has been predicted for some time but the timing of the move is inflammatory. The Blues are currently sharing second place with...
Read full storyJimmy Carter Calls Joe Wilson A Racist!
U.S. Representative Joe Wilson's oldest son defended his father against a claim by former President Jimmy Carter that the congressman's outburst during a speech by President Barack Obama was "based on racism." Responding to an audience question at...
Read full storyOprah Winfrey promotes girl power
South Africa - Oprah Winfrey opened a school Tuesday for disadvantaged girls, fulfilling a promise she made to former President Nelson Mandela six years ago and giving more than 150 girls a chance for a better future. "I wanted to give this opport...
Read full storyFormer Ride the Geese driver plunges school bus into river
On Wednesday morning a former Ride the Geese driver plunged a crowded school bus into the fast-moving Delaware River in Easton, PA. The incident occurred just south of the Northampton St Bridge off of Larry Holmes Dr. The bus was full of day campers...
Read full storyLondon Mayor Orders Thames Dredged For Real Estate
London mayor Boris Johnson has ordered the Thames river to be dredged to save money. The news comes after London Underground omitted the river from their new Tube maps. Originally, the mayor insisted new maps be printed up with the river includ...
Read full storySimulating sex on dance floor drunken Coldstream guard cold-cocked by cool Canadian chick!
Woolwich Magistrates Court - London: UK media are calling her "Glambo". She's the cool Canadian chick who stood off a group of drunken Coldstream yobs, cold-cocking one sergeant with just one punch after pushing two other drunken guardsmen to the f...
Read full storySusan Boyle And Grandma Lee's Backstage Shouting Match
HOLLYWOOD - While Kevin Skinner was being crowned The America's Got Talent winner and recipient of a check for $1 million and a Las Vegas performing contract two elderly ladies were backstage shouting up a storm. Scottish singing sensation Susan B...
Read full storySmoking less harmful than crossing the road: New report
A new World Health Association report states that you are more likely to die from crossing the road than smoking regularly. This shock announcement has sent tobacco shares soaring and there is even speculation that smoking may be allowed back in...
Read full storyAdebayor's celebration is nothing new
Sheyi Emmanuel Adebayor's recent provocative goal celebration has justifiably caused a storm of debate across the sporting world, but his family and friends have now admitted that it was just a question of time before this ticking time bomb would go...
Read full storyDaisy Dog Simpson Found in Desert
Los Angeles, CA: After an intense 4-day search, Jessica Simpson's dog was found alive, 150 miles from where it was reported dognapped. Daisy, a 5-year-old Maltipoo, was dehydrated and dazed, but otherwise had remarkably few injuries for its ordeal.
Read full storyVotes For Face Sitting: Brown's New Election Winning Strategy.
As a last desperate attempt to win the next general election after he and New Labour have made a real mess of the country and its finances, Gordon Brown has pulled a last desperate trick out of his bag in order to keep his job. He will allow disgrunt...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Faces Down "Debunkers" on Larry King Live
Los Angeles-Actor Charlie Sheen stirred controversy Thursday night during an appearance on "Larry King Live". Dressed in nothing but a pair of briefs and a tin foil hat, Sheen lived up to his commitment to a panel of three "so-called" 9/11 "debunker...
Read full storyObama Called Out Second Time in Two Weeks During Joint Session of Congress!
Washington,DC/ Political Advertising News - For the second time in two short weeks an embattled President Obama was called out during his 'infomercial' plugging Universal Health Care. This time, however, it wasn't an incensed Republican who called...
Read full storyEthical split between Spoof writers over the Obama v Kayne West spoofs!
The recent spate of Obama-Kayne West spoofs has caused a split in the ethical stand point of spoof writers! For those Spoofers who jumped on the band-wagon, recognised Mr. West as a worthy "Celeb" because Obama miserably stooped so low, totted up...
Read full storyModel Jordan Sues Country Jordan Over Name
Jordan is to sue the Arabic Kingdom of Jordan over the use of her name. The model, real name Katie Price, has begun the proceedings after trademarking her celebrity moniker. Jordan is said to be fuming to discover a country in Western Asia capi...
Read full storyTelephone Dyslexia. Fact or Fistion! New repart?
Telephone Dyslexia Syndrome (DST) is blamed for the poor spelling found on most text messages sent by teenagers to their friends. Leading SDT expert Ms. Cnut, says in her report that teenagers know full well how to spell words like, great, by th...
Read full storyRising Ocean Levels Tied to Redbox Growth
Scientists have known for the past few years that ocean levels on the Atlantic seaboard are rising at rates unseen during the past two millennia. Until last week, however, scientists were unable to pin this alarming phenomenon on any one causative fa...
Read full storyCher's Ass Returned By Honest Cab Driver
A New York City cab driver, James Ignakowski has discovered and returned actress and singer, Cher's ass Wednesday morning, after she left it in his cab on Tuesday night. Ignakowski, or Iggy as he's called around the station, told reporters that he...
Read full storyAmerica discovers new WMD in China
The US has no defense for a weapon of mass destruction currently being developed by China and has called for a meeting of the UN security council to discuss this frightening escalation in modern warfare. US defense secretary, Mrs. Ohgod, said. "W...
Read full storyThe Colonel refuses promotion to General
In a shock rebuff to the US army, Colonel Saunders has rejected a promotion to General. The promotion was offered to Colonel Saunders last week in recognition of his long service. Colonel Saunders speaking on a telephone from his chicken farm...
Read full storyQ & A: US missile defence of Europe
The USA had signed a deal with Poland, forcing it to install missiles at a base on the Baltic Sea. The deal formed part of a plan to make Americans feel tough against what they call 'rogue states' such as Iran, states that Europeans call 'a joke'. But now they've had to shelve their plans, as not even Poles want American missiles on their soil. What was the US proposing to do? The US said...
Read full story'Death Pool' Man Comes Under Police Scrutiny
Police are neither admitting nor denying rumours that they have arrested a Shropshire man on charges of multiple homicide after it was revealed that he had been in a so-called Dead Pool game. The man, unnamed for legal bollocks, apparently had sel...
Read full storyChairman of the biggest soft drink manufacturer rejects world health association report
After a lengthy report today by the World Health Association that claim that coke causes many major health issues, especially with younger people, the chairman of Cokeapep, the huge world wide drinks manufacturer rejected the report emphatically.
Read full storyEarly Spankings Make For Aggressive Wives, Study Shows
Children who are spanked as 5-year-olds are more likely to behave aggressively and ask to spank their mates and be spanked by them while adults than children who are spared the punishment, new research shows. Though the negative effects of spankin...
Read full storyIt's Complic8ed Says Avril Lavigne As She Divorces Hubby
AVRIL Lavigne has admitted her divorce from her rock musician husband Deryck Whibley was inev8ble. The singer, 24, wrote on her website blog that she and Whibley, 29, lead singer of Sum 41, were "separ8ing and moving forward on a positive note".
Read full story90% Of Attendants To Mary Travers Funeral Believed To Be On Medicinal Marijuana
Danbury, Connecticut - It has been estimated that the vast majority of the prospective attendants to the Mary Travers funeral are on medicinal marijuana, local marijuana grower Hodge Podge has stated. Therefore the church where the funeral is being h...
Read full story"Breathing in" can make you ill
Breathing in may be bad for your health according to UK scientists, who have shown that breathing in can result in lungs being filled with potentially harmful bacteria. Test revealed that that air harbours any number of airborne bacteria and spore...
Read full storyObama names Beck new Bizarre Czar
In a surprise announcement today President Barack Obama named Glenn Beck to be the new Bizarre Czar. Noting that the appointment is consistent with his "team of rivals" approach to government, Obama stated: "I know that Glenn will do a fantas...
Read full storyNursery rhyme star sues council over wall incident
A huge claim for compensation has been filed against a local council in Dorset over an accident due to a un-maintained wall. Mr Dumpty is suing not only the council but a regiment of all the king's men for molestation and invasion of privacy.
Read full storyNew Fundamentalist Reality TV Show to Air this Fall
NBC will be airing the new reality TV gameshow "Don't Get Left Behind," based on the popular series of Left Behind books. The show's contestants, a group of 20 God-fearing Christians, are placed in a 10 mile by 10 mile stretch of deserted wasteland i...
Read full storyAmerican official deny G-bay inmates were forced to play online bingo
Details are surfacing that officers at the Guantanamo bay navel base forced inmates to play online bingo in an attempt to 're-educate' them into western values. The leader of Al-queda, who wished not to be named, has posted a blog on his facetofac...
Read full storyHundreds Injured As J-Lo's Posh Spice Dress Explodes
You do not expect to hear hundreds of emergency vehicle sirens approaching a White House function. But sirens they were - and they were incredibly necessary. For Jennifer Lopez, who had ill-advisedly crammed her generous rear end into a Victori...
Read full storyEastenders To Be Made In India
Classic British soap Eastenders is to be made in India as a cost-cutting measure by the BBC. The drama, which is set in the East End of old London town, will now be made on the outskirts of Dehli, where shanty towns similar to Mile End and Stepney...
Read full storySilvio Berlusconi Donates Penis To Vatican Museum
The embattled, embittered Italian President, Silvio Berlusconi is to hang up his spurs. No longer will the Presidential Palazzo in Rome reverberate to the sound of shagging, fellatio and sado-masochistic ritual. No longer will knowing businessm...
Read full storyRepublicans Pull Stunner, Offer Universal Health Care
WASHINGTON - Tired of being accused of hindering health care reform and seeking political advantage, the Republican Party today offered its own proposal with a surprise twist-universal coverage. "It offers free medical care to everyone-even illeg...
Read full storyCelebrities to stage charity concert for A1B1 victims
A concert for A1B1 (nobingo) syndrome sufferers, now nearly numbering double figures, is to be arranged next week sponsored by the big three online bingo operators. A spokesman for BIMGO (Bingo Is My Game OK) was overjoyed: "It really shows how h...
Read full storyUS accuses Iran of stockpiling Bingo Balls
In an extraordinary development the USA and UK governments have accused Iran of stock piling massive quantities of Bingo Balls at a time when bingo players are suffering from the Nobingo (A1B1) syndrome. The US claims that a back packer in Tehran...
Read full storyJenna Elfman Pregnant With Four Different Kids
Jenna Elfman won't just be acting when she plays a pregnant woman in a new CBS sitcom this fall. She's expecting her second child in real life. She is also cast as a pregnant woman in the new movie, "The Elfman Baby" due out in early 2010 and in...
Read full storyJohn Leslie In News For All The Wrong Reasons
Celebrity John Leslie is making headlines again and this time for all the wrong reasons. The former Blue Peter presenter woke up this morning to find reporters camped out in front of his door step. Leslie, who had gone out to get the milk in a...
Read full storyA1B1 syndrome cases increase - World government leaders to meet
Bingo players from around the world are showing more signs of A1B1 syndrome due to not being able to play bingo because of the world bingo ball shortage. Governments around world led by the US and UK are to meet to discuss the crisis and how an A1B1...
Read full storyWorld bingo ball crisis - Ping Pong players outraged
After the big bingo demonstrations seen in the UK and USA it's now the turn of Ping Pong players to complain. Reports are coming in that UK and USA bingo players are looting ping pong sports halls and taking all their ping pong balls. Although un...
Read full storyWorld Bingo Ball Shortage causes demonstrations
Rage at the world Bingo ball shortage caused many dozens of keen bingo players to take to the streets in the UK and America. The world shortage of bingo balls has forced many local bingo halls to close their doors indefinitely or go on two a day...
Read full storyHarriet Harman Tries To Close Down Lap Dancing Clubs - Lesbians Furious
In a spectacular own-goal, Harriett Harman, Equalities Minister (read man-bashing) has declared war on lap dancing as a legitimate business expense. This was intended as a skirmish in her all-out war on men in general and on men enjoying themselve...
Read full storyJoe "You Lie" Wilson Says "I'm No Racist: I'm Black."
South Carolina congressman Joe Wilson drew gasps of derision and occasional applause today when he appeared "blacked up" in front of a congressional hearing He had turned up to refute claims that shouting "You Lie" at America's most popular Presid...
Read full storyWhite House To Be Renamed
Congress last night voted to rename The White House in what some see as an effort by the house to look non-racist. An emergency session led to a draft bill with several amendments being hastily drawn up. Among the suggestions were The Black Hou...
Read full storyGOP Contemplates Psychological Intervention as Obama's ADHD Revealed!
Washington, DC/ Walter Reed Army Hospital/ Top Secret Medical Update - Political Pundits throughout the nation's capitol huddled in small groups and spoke in whispers discussing a top secret medical report leaked by Joe Biden, confirming what everyon...
Read full storyJordan: I will never name my celebrity publicist
Renowned international horse/woman and former udder model Jordan has refused to name the celebrity who she claims publicised her some time in the past. However, she says they have 'done it before', prompting a call for her to spill the beans. PR...
Read full storyKKK Being Discriminated Against
Bigots and racists are to get compensation for being discriminated against. The G20 nations ratified the agreement at Nuremberg this week to enable those who spew hate and bile to be given the opportunity to express themselves unhindered. "For...
Read full storyPhilbert of Macadamia Arrested by Propaganda Ministry Police
Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky: The Propaganda Ministry police came and got Philbert and held him for questioning at the local office. No need to spend money for an airline ticket to San Francisco CA headquarters, they said "we need to reduce the current d...
Read full storyKanye Weds Taylor Swift
Kanye West has wed Taylor Swift in Las Vegas after the pair came together to settle their differences. The diminutive R&B singer, or whatever he is, had set up a meet with 19-year old innocent country singer, Taylor, after spoiling her MTV EMA...
Read full storyAmerica accuses Korea of plans to launch Online Bingo Sites aimed at American Public
The US government issued a stern warning to North Korea today telling them to withdraw plans to open internet based online bingo sites aimed directly at American bingo players. This comes after information was received in Washington that the North Ko...
Read full storyBerlusconi Loses Italy In Card Game To Susan Boyle
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is in hiding after losing big in a game of high stakes poker. The flamboyant head of state lost out in what he called a "freak of nature" - after putting the deeds to Italy in the pot. Gambling experts s...
Read full storyKanye West Tells God To Get His Act Together
Kanye West has incurred the wrath of several religions by telling God to, "get his act together." The outspoken diminutive R&B superstar, or whatever he is, just can't seem to keep his mouth shut. After his embarrassing hijacking of the MTV...
Read full storyDan Brown Reveals Book Is Work Of Fiction
Author Dan Brown has shocked fans of his books by revealing they are a work of fiction. The best-selling author of The Lost Symbol sold 1 million copies of his latest book within minutes of it going on sale. But he has faced criticism with acad...
Read full storyNew device for stopping drivers speeding; Trials 100% success
Even in this current world economic crisis, car manufacturers are still investing money in our travel safety. New and existing devices to keep us safe in our cars and trucks, such as air bags, side air bags, sick air bags, advanced braking system...
Read full storyMan on the moon says he lonely
Sources close to the man on the moon revealed today that he is thoroughly fed up and very lonely. His best friend on Earth, Mr Ivor Telescope, said: "Last time I spoke to the man on the moon he was very depressed. Apart from the odd cow flyin...
Read full storyScientists claim mice have gone off cheese, now more interested in iPhones
A new discovery by students at Bristol University apparently shows that modern mice are ditching their traditional ways and becoming painfully trendy. They claim in the mouse world shiney gadgets such as iPods, Nintendo DS and mobile phones are hot,...
Read full storyGay Marriage #1 Excuse Straight Men are Using Today to Put Off Tying the Knot
Hollywood, California - "Telling your girlfriend that you won't get married until all your gay friends can get married too maybe the best excuse heterosexual men have ever thought up to forestall marriage or avoid it all together," said Dr. Fred by p...
Read full storyHouse Passes Measure to Reduce Swastika Frequency
WASHINGTON, D.C. - House Democrats voted with Republicans Thursday, hoping to silence once and for all conservative complaints about the nationwide community organizing group ACORN that is "no more nor less corrupt" than virtually any other organizat...
Read full storyThe Swayze Effect Grips World
Catskill Mountains, New York - Strange behavior has gripped the globe following the death of Patrick Swayze. The actor who was best known for his roles in the films "Ghost" and "Dirty Dancing" died this week after a long battle with pancreatic cance...
Read full storyInbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre - Part 15
Johnny Boy has been decapitated by an unseen hand. Lola of the luscious lips has disappeared in mysterious circumstances. Buck and Nick were swallowed up by a trapdoor, and although we know they're okay, the others don't. The others have found themselves in a charnel house, a house of horrors so loathesome it makes the house in 'Texas Hacksaw Massacre' look like the average person's Gran'...
Read full storyACORN Competes With Airline Over Drug Routes
New York, New York - ACORN announced today that it was entering the airline business with an eye towards competing over lucrative Caribbean drug routes. The move caught industry insiders by surprise and sent them scrambling to adjust their stock port...
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