Ted Turner Admits To Knowing Wolf Blitzer Is As Dumb As A Sack Of Hammers

Funny story written by Wire Piddle

Friday, 18 September 2009

image for Ted Turner Admits To Knowing Wolf Blitzer Is As Dumb As A Sack Of Hammers

Atlanta, Georgia - Ted Turner, the man that created the Cable News Network, has admitted publicly today that he knew long before Celebrity Jeopardy came along that Wolf Blitzer was 'as dumb as a sack of hammers.'

Wolf Blitzer, a popular newscaster on CNN, appeared on Celebrity Jeopardy recently coming in last and with a negative balance, thus ending speculation that he may be some kind of intellectual genius.

Said Turner, "What can I say. We all know that news broadcasting is all about smoke and mirrors, all style and no substance. Well, hey. Guess what. You found us out. Big deal. As if the fact that I married Jane Fonda didn't give you a clue. So now you know."

"The cat's out of the bag. The penny has dropped. At least Wolf doesn't talk in endless idioms and folksy aphorisms like some people I know. And besides, did you ever once see Wolf saying something brilliant on his own? No! We knew he wasn't capable of that. That's why we told him just to ask questions on the news, not answer them. And as it turns out, he does that quite well thank you very much. It turns out also that stupid people are really good at asking questions. If they were any smarter, they wouldn't have to ask questions now, would they?

Concluded Mr. Turner, "I bet you hadn't thought of that, had you?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more