ACORN Competes With Airline Over Drug Routes

Funny story written by Adam Click

Friday, 18 September 2009

image for ACORN Competes With Airline Over Drug Routes
Analysts are generally upbeat about ACORN's news but question the use of glow-in-the-dark aircraft for narcotics runs.

New York, New York - ACORN announced today that it was entering the airline business with an eye towards competing over lucrative Caribbean drug routes. The move caught industry insiders by surprise and sent them scrambling to adjust their stock portfolios.

A spokesman for ACORN, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, who wished to remain anonymous, said, "We are constantly looking for new revenue streams as we strive to consolidate our core businesses around our proven strengths and resources."

"We look forward to increased profitability as we enter this underserved sector of the economy. Furthermore, we feel that by creating some competition in the drug running business we'll help to moderate prices and make illegal drugs more accessible to low and middle income families."

Randolph Scott, one airline spokesperson, welcomed the competition by ACORN for the drug routes, but added that a chain of brothels at it's resort destinations, featuring under-aged girls from El Salvador, was due to be opened soon, and that they are more than up to the task of competing head-on with ACORN in that profitable sideline.

Analysts believe that such moves by both organizations are merely a prelude to merger talks and that negotiations would begin soon on combining the businesses, pending government approval.

ACORN stock was down slightly on the move, while American Airlines stock rose 2 percentage points in early trading on the New York Stock Exchange.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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