Vatican Condemns Health Care - Will Excommunicate Obama: Report
In a surprise announcement, senior Vatican officials today leaked the content of Pope Benedict's up-coming encyclical Bacterium en Vitam Eternam Primum Est. Life, the officials informed a rapt audience, is sacred. Bacteria, viruses, fungi....all life...Read full story
Britain's Wet Barbecue Summer Constant Rainstorm Deemed A Huge Success
Cheers to all Britons as our barbecue summer finally draws to a close. It's been said that Brits are obsessed with the weather, especially given its somewhat cheeky nature. It transpires that Met Office advice to dust off the barbies was somewhat...Read full story
Spooks 'wanted to blow up buses'
Two MI5 officers planned to blow up buses in London, in massacres to coincide with the anniversary of attacks on the Twin Towers in New York City, a court heard. James Alias and Jim Jones, both of Somewhereorother, deny murder and causing explosio...Read full story
Lockerbie Bomber - USA Throws Teddy Bear From Pram
They've done it again! - In a hissy fit unequalled since the cheese eating surrender monkeys debacle, the US State Department has issued a diplomatic note (major bollocking) to plucky li'l Great Britain, which is somewhere near Ireland, which is just...Read full story
Hillary Clinton Signs On To Promote Ramadan: "I Lost 65 lbs in September!"
Washington, DC/ Weight Watchers News Blob(sic) - Holy Shrinking Heinie! Madison Avenue Advertising King, Festus McCrony, announced today the star crossed signing of the walking billboard, Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, to be their 'anchor' in...Read full story
LeAnn Rimes and What's-His-Name Getting a Divorce
NASHVILLE, TN - Singer-songwriter LeAnn Rimes announced on Tuesday that she's divorcing her husband... um... uh... just give me a second here... Oh, yeah, Dean. Dean Sheremet. "After much thoughtful consideration, Dan and I have agreed to move fo...Read full story
Ex-Nazi fined over Party names leak
A former member of the German National Socialist Workers' Party - the NSDAP, the 'Nazis' - was today fined £22-43, after admitting publishing names and contact details of 100,000 Party members online. Heinrich Simple, 37, was fined by a court in N...Read full story
Scotsmen Buy Larger Condoms
Scotsmen are leading the way in purchasing the new larger size condom from Durex. A study has revealed that Glasgow tops the list, with Edinburgh in second place. South of the border numbers were considerably lower. Dr Alan Knott of the Penis, Fan...Read full story
Sean Lennon & Girlfriend Pose As Famous Nude John/Yoko Photo
John's son, Sean Lennon and a naked Kemp Muhl (a model and said to be his girlfriend) have recreated the memorable Rolling Stone cover of Lennon's parents, Yoko Ono and John Lennon, taken by Annie Leibovitz, just hours before Lennon was shot to death...Read full story
Bo, the White House Dog 'Dumped' after Running Rampant in Foot Baths During Ramadan!
Washington, DC/ Washington Post/Pets/Leisure Section - Bo, the charasmatic Portugese Water Dog has screwed up: BIG TIME! The photogenic dog, bred for water retrieval purposes has been cast out from the White House after repeated toe grabbing retr...Read full story
Yorkshire GP To Sue Funnyman Paul Whitemouse
In a bizarre twist to what has become a sad and seemingly never-ending saga, a doctor from Yorkshire has intimated that he is now intending to sue comedian and one-time cheese connoisseur Paul Whitemouse for breach of copyright. The story began se...Read full story
Brett Favre To Attend Anger Management Classes
MINNEAPOLIS - Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Lorenzo Favre (pronounced Farve) has agreed to enter into an anger management program. The program called 'Getting Pissed Off Can Be A Real Pisser' meets once a week on Sunday afternoons at a downt...Read full story
Michael Jackson's Monkey Had Breast Implants
Now that everything that could be said about Michael Jackson and the weird happenings around him, two vets from Texas have came forward and told the press that Michael Jackson's pet monkey, a male named Bubbles, had breast implants when he brought it...Read full story
Black plague outbreaks in Northern Europe as tourists return from their "Shitty holidays in the sun"!
Northern European tourists returning from their holidays in Southern Europe, Asia or Africa have been hit by the deadly disease, the BLACK DEATH PLAGUE! This disease lurks on disgustingly filthy motorway toilets, public toilets in general, unhygie...Read full story
The Second Coming of Michael Jackson
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA The numerous Michael Jackson sightings since his tragic death on June 25th gained credibility today when the Jackson family finally revealed that the reason he has yet to be buried is that his corpse has been missing since three...Read full story
Disney Tries For Bold Corporate Takeover Of Entire Realm Of Fantasy.
Disney Corporation has made another great stride in its endeavor to control all possible realms of consumer fantasy. With a buyout of $4 billion in cash and stocks the great Mickey has bought the upstart Marvel Comics franchise, the famous comic...Read full story
Nancy Garrido the other ostrich
Nancy Garrido, the African ostrich housed in the San Diego Zoo is under close surveillance by the city prosecutor and is being charged with consuming an entire snickers bar that was eaten by the Zoo Keeper in charge of her pen. The prosecutor's o...Read full story
"Kentucky" Kevn Skinner Makes Piers Morgan Cry!
HOLLYWOOD - One of the toughest males in show business, Piers Morgan was reduced to tears on the latest edition of America's Got Talent. Morgan, who is in the same league as fellow Englishmen Simon Cowell, when it comes to being downright mean, ca...Read full story
Richard and Judy's Girl Banned From Driving
The attractive blonde daughter of TV presenters Richard 'Dick' Milady and Judy Vinaigrette has been disqualified from driving after pleading guilty to drink driving. Muswell Hill Magistrates' Court heard that highly attractive blonde stunner Chloe...Read full story
America's Got Talent's Grandma Lee Gets A Standing O
HOLLYWOOD - The feisty 75-year-old Jacksonville, Florida grandmother Grandma Lee brought the America's Got Talent house down with her comedy routine. She said that her fantasy is still to go out on a date with either Piers Morgan or David Hasselho...Read full story
Chloe Madely Not Pregnant
Chloe, the 22-year-old daughter of Richard & Judy has been sentenced to a 22-month disqualification for drunk driving. Ms Madely's team of barristers entered a plea in mitigation that she had only committed the offence because of an unexpected...Read full story
Taliban Groupie Gets Her Naked Ass Whipped Again
Assera Abida, an Iraqi woman who has a kink for having her naked ass beaten by rods, went through another wonderful episode again Monday, according to a village leader who, from risk of losing his tongue, wanted to remain anonymous. According to t...Read full story
Local Councils To Be Granted Tyranny Status
Local, district, town and parish councils in England and Wales are working on plans to tighten controls on local residents. In a move reminiscent of Enver Hoxha's Albania or Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe, town hall bosses plan to exercise newly discove...Read full story
Politically Correct Ice Cream Hits Regional Shelves: One Dip or Two?
Consumer News/ New Products for Niche Markets - A speciality ice cream company in the rural outback of Pennslyania, long noted for their political activism, has brought to the market a new flavour catering to the same sex marriage crowd. "Daddy, D...Read full story
Irish Mason Makes His Mark in Art World: King Mudder?
Dublin, Ireland/ Modern Art Today/ Bizarre Section - Irish masonry contractor, Fergus "Slump Test" McCarthy, finally received the recogniztion that has long eluded him in Irish Art Circles, winning the prestigious "Golden Trowel" award from the concr...Read full story
Lisa Marie Presley Admits, Like Dad, She's Not Very Bright
Yesterday on the Mid-Morning PMSNBC Network, Lisa Marie Presley admitted that she wasn't the "brightest bulb on the lampshade". "I think I inherited my brains from dad who was a great person but lived on peanut butter and banana sandwiches and dip...Read full story
Manson psychic to channel in Garrido 'harem' mausoleum hunt
Antioch - (Helter Skelter Mess): Convicted mass murderer Charles Manson's tarot reader has offered to channel Sharon Tate's ghost in the hunt for Phillip Garrido's necro harem trophy room. The development comes as LA cops widen the net in their tr...Read full story
Spoof Writer 'Incandescent' After Replacing Light Bulb
An occasional writer on TheSpoof.com satirical news website has reported a series of events which he says have left him 'incandescent' with rage. "It all started on Monday when I was sitting at my computer. I was just about to press the exclamati...Read full story
Justice Secretary Slams CCTV Critics
In a timely statement, just weeks after the release of figures suggesting that only one crime is solved for every one thousand CCTV cameras in the UK, Justice Secretary Jack Strawhead today slammed those who questioned the purpose and intrusive natur...Read full story
Port Authority Shuts Down George Washington Bridge Bed and Breakfast
NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. - Security guards running a bed and breakfast on George Washington Bridge have been fired, according to the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. Lou Daguerre, a commuter who frequents the bridge linking the two states, sn...Read full story
UK Decision To Release Libyan Terrorist A 'Mistake'
Under increasing pressure from the US, and in the light of further damaging documentary evidence obtained by me in the past twenty four hours, UK Foreign Secretary David Millipede has now confirmed that the decision to release a convicted Libyan terr...Read full story
'Diana's harvested eggs for sale on eLay' furor
London - (Humpty Dumpty Mess): Palace sources have reacted with horror at reports that Princess Diana's unused IVF eggs have somehow ended up on online auction organ eLay. The $5 million price tag on each unfertilised 'double-yolker' specimen was...Read full story
Kuala Lumpur not fooled by "Spiderman"
Alain Robert, a Spiderman impersonator from France, failed to fool the people of Kuala Lumpur yesterday when he forgot to wear his costume. Crowds, although moderately impressed with his climbing skills, were incensed when M. Robert (he's French)...Read full story
Ted Kennedy's Funeral Sets World Record -- Formed Longest Conga Line, Ever!
Boston, Massachusetts - It's official. Ted Kennedy's funeral made it into the "Guinness Book of World Records" as not only the biggest Irish Wake ever held in history, but with people cuing up in line to view the body of the friend of the friendless,...Read full story
Californian Bush fires are really an act of God!
Recent Californian bush fires, contrary to what local firefighters are saying, are definitely an act of God! Normally bush fires are started by ignorant idiots throwing away their rubbish and broken glass bottles, the sun magnifies the heat and "b...Read full story
Immigration reform closes loopholes
The United States has finally managed to cover all of the immigration loopholes, as Justin and Wendy Jones explained in separate interviews. Seems that the Jone's bought their home, not realizing that the Canadian American border ran right down th...Read full story
Stan Lee Challenges Disney's takeover of Marvel; Says Comic Book World will not be the same
Los Angeles, California - Comic book readers everywhere are worried about the Disney takeover of their beloved Marvel Comics. They are worried the takeover will result in new unrealistic hybrid of established Marvel characters with that that Walt Dis...Read full story
It's A Cruel World - Writer With Miniscule Penis Slinks Home In The Early Hours.
Concerns regarding the wellbeing of crap Spoof writer Skoob, who went for a walk in the woods because everybody and his mother were taking the piss out of his small, nay, insignificant, beaver splitter, were allayed when he returned in the early hour...Read full story
Russia Finally Admits a UFO Landed There
Moscow RF: President of the Russian Federation Dmitry Medvedev announced today that a UFO had successfully landed in Roswellgrad Siberia, USSR in 1947. The Russian President noted that unlike the Americans our beloved Russian peasants gave the ne...Read full story
Vikings Quarterback Brett Favre In One Hell Of A Mess!
HOUSTON - Texas Rangers Rufus Cutshaw and Dusty Youngwood took Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre into custody immediately following the Vikings 17 to 10 victory over the Houston Texans on Monday Night Football. Cutshaw said that a complain...Read full story