Simulating sex on dance floor drunken Coldstream guard cold-cocked by cool Canadian chick!

Funny story written by shea lo

Friday, 18 September 2009


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Woolwich Magistrates Court - London: UK media are calling her "Glambo". She's the cool Canadian chick who stood off a group of drunken Coldstream yobs, cold-cocking one sergeant with just one punch after pushing two other drunken guardsmen to the floor.

Ashley Wolfe, an attractive blonde standing 5 feet 3 inches tall and weighing 8 stone 11 lbs is a martial arts instructor who was at a Christmas party with her husband when they became involved in a melee with a group of inebriated Coldstream guards twice her weight and at least a foot taller. So how does a tiny little thing cause so much damage to a bunch of ready-to-fight-in-Afghanistan soldiers? Here's the he-said-she-said version:

According to Coldstream Guards: "Heavy drinking at party, Ashley upset by gay embraces and kissing among some of the soldiers on the dance floor, and particularly the actions of Lance Sgt. Michael Fallows. Pushes guys apart,drops two guards to the floor and knocks one out cold with just one punch."

Lawyers for the Army presented the Guards as a well-behaved polite bunch of yobs who just stood around quietly while the "Yankee bitch' went postal. LOL!!

[Yeah right and I'm next in line to the English throne]

Ashley and her husband say the white-guys-can't-dance horny guards were trying to drag her in to their dry-humping frottage which they referred to as "dancing". Ashley resisted, a brawl broke out, there was swearing. A Guard's heavily-drunk wife went at Ashley, Ashley took the guys own and Bob's yer uncle!

The Magistrate's court found Ashley "guilty of assault" trying her in absentia. Once again 'transparent' English prevails!!

Canadians in London were having a jolly good laugh over their cappuccinos. Scores of normally polite and reticent Canadian Rhodes scholars and Oxford/Cambridge doctoral candidates, faces painted in the red-and-white colors of Canada's Maple Leaf took to the streets of London shouting:"C-eh-N-eh-D-eh Canada rules".

In Soho, Canadian Alberta Newbrunswick told Spoof:"No wonder you guys are losing in Afghanistan. These dudes are picking fights with a girl and losing. Hel-ooo Gordon Brown our chicks are wiping the floor with your drunken brutes. I say to Ashley - You go girl!"

Canadian PM "Stevie" Harper in Washington for his annual ass-kissing photo-op with the Obama Administration said: "Since the socialists and separatists in my country have just saved my minority govt from an early election I can safely say that Canada will extend its mission in Afghanistan with extra troops. We plan to send 2 battalions of petite, blonde, gorgeous Can-chicks to fight the evil-doers".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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