Television ratings system experts frenetically scrambled last night to determine if their measurement technologies had failed after reports that the premiere of Survivor Samoa managed to win its time period.
The reality competition, now in its 19th season, broadcasts Thursday evenings on CBS.
"We had sounded the death knell for this show," said an industry representative, who did not wish to be identified. "I mean, c'mon, what does it have going for it at this point? It's the same old tired formula -- the young bimbos with the big knockers, the wise old geezers, the buft dudes everybody piggybacks on and then kicks off," he said, ticking them off on his fingers.
"Then you got the gay," he continued, "some crazy 'woo-woo' throwback type, and an old lady with saggy boobs. You top it off with a whole lotta bugs biting everybody, a whole lotta rain, not enough food, a couple a whining crybabies and some stupid looking -- what do they call them? Oh yeah, buffs. Have you seen those things? They gotta be some of the most useless items on the planet."
He added, "We're all scratchin our heads over this. We were certain that people would be sick of it by now."
Apparently, buffs, boobs - saggy, fake or otherwise - and buft young men continue to attract the American public. The Survivor Samoa Special was first in households for its time slot, scoring a 6.7/11 share and delivering the top numbers of adult viewers in the 25-54 and 18-49 age brackets. It tied with Fox for first in adults 18-34.
Speculation abounds among leaders in the ratings system industry as to the cause of the unexpectedly high numbers. Some have proffered that the competition - mostly drama rebroadcasts - was weak. Since that's always the case with dramas -- except for, of course, Mad Men and The Closer -- other hypotheses are being examined. Reports of an increase in deaths caused by stultifying boredom during the show's airtime are being checked out, with the theory that false data may have been collected from viewers who perished while holding their electronic measurement devices, inadvertently applying pressure that resulted in the baffling increases.
Other conjecture centers on the possibility that there is another lesbian contestant, which may have increased the ratings among males in the 18-49 age group, hoping for some girl-on-girl action.
Updated Thursday ratings, including gender demographics, will be available later today.
