House Passes Measure to Reduce Swastika Frequency

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Friday, 18 September 2009

image for House Passes Measure to Reduce Swastika Frequency
New symbol of the Republican party, now brandished by millions of white voters with discriminating tastes.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - House Democrats voted with Republicans Thursday, hoping to silence once and for all conservative complaints about the nationwide community organizing group ACORN that is "no more nor less corrupt" than virtually any other organization in America, according to sources.

The Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, or ACORN, "has violated serious federal laws, and today the House voted to ensure that taxpayer dollars would no longer be used to fund this corrupt organization," said Republican Rep. Eric Cantor of Virginia.

Since 1994, ACORN has received approximately $53 million in federal aid, or a little more than one penny a year for every citizen currently residing in the U.S.

Republicans have been on a crusade against the New Orleans-based, non-profit organization for months, hoping to bring an end to its campaign for better housing and wages for the poor, improved community development investment, better public schools, and especially its nasty habit of encouraging poor people to vote.

They have brought highly charged imagery to the battle against ACORN, most notably swastikas and visual references to a man who exterminated people as an affordable alternative to health care.

Matters escalated recently when a couple of ACORN's 400,000 members were videotaped offering advice to conservative activists "posing" as people interested in starting a prostitution business that had nothing to do with whoring themselves to special interests like oil companies, auto manufacturers, and insurance providers willing to spend not quarters, but whole dollars (and lots of them) per American every single year to influence legislation.

ACORN has begun their own investigation into the incident after finding suspicious workers at several other offices had reported the conservative prostitutes to police.

Critics noted their efforts would have been more successful had they simply hired real prostitutes, hand-selected from those frequented by a number of pro-family-values Republicans.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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