Susan Boyle And Grandma Lee's Backstage Shouting Match

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 18 September 2009

image for Susan Boyle And Grandma Lee's Backstage Shouting Match
A photo of the America's Got Talent security guard pepper spraying Grandma Lee. (Photo courtesy of David Hasselhoff).

HOLLYWOOD - While Kevin Skinner was being crowned The America's Got Talent winner and recipient of a check for $1 million and a Las Vegas performing contract two elderly ladies were backstage shouting up a storm.

Scottish singing sensation Susan Boyle who had just sung the Rolling Stones classic ballad, "Wild Horses" was standing outside her dressing room signing autographs when Grandma Lee walked by.

The Florida grandmother looked at Boyle and made an unkind remark. When Boyle asked her to repeat it, Grandma Lee asked her if there was something wrong with her hearing.

Boyle threw down the autograph book she was signing and walked over to where Grandma Lee was standing.

Susan got in her face and said that she sure had a big fat mouth on her. Granny Lee puckered out her lips about six or seven times and then replied "I've got a big fat mouth all right and it sure does go real good with your big fat fanny don't it."

Boyle screamed at the top of her Scottish lungs that she was nothing but an uneducated, white trash, hillbilly, backwoods old hag. Grandma Lee shot back that she was not uneducated as she had gone all the way through the ninth grade before she had to quit school to go work in a grapefruit deseeding factory.

Grandma Lee said that Boyle looked like a senior-citizen version of a cabbage patch doll. Boyle put her hands on her hips and replied that Grandma Lee looked like Mick Jagger in a dress, and a damn ugly-as-hell dress at that.

Boyle then reached out and grabbed Grandma Lee by the hair. The elder Floridian's wig came off in her hands. Boyle looked at it and said that it looked like something that one would find at the bottom of a condemned swamp.

Grandma Lee then grabbed a golf club and took off after Boyle. The singing diva from the United Kingdom quickly hurdled an ice chest and ran out the door to her waiting limo.

A security guard tried to take the golf club away from Grandma Lee and she swung it at him. It was definitely the wrong thing to do as he took out a can of pepper spray and hit her with three successive shots.

Grandma Lee's daughter-in-law stated that her mother-in-law should be released from Hollywood's Sisters of St. Celluloid Hospital in two days. Grandma Lee called Sharon Osbourne and quipped that her grandkids now teasingly refer to her as Grandma Pepper Spray.

As for Susan Boyle, her song "Wild Horses" has already sold one million copies and plans are in the works to turn it into a movie starring Donnie And Marie Osmond.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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