Satanic Slutz prank was a right laugh says Russell Brand
London - (Monster Munch): One year on after being outed in the shagging of Andrew Sachs's granddaughter Georgina 'Satanic Slutz' Baillie and Russell Brand is unrepentant. "Would I have humped her if he wasn't her grandpa?" Brand mused before today...
Read full storyRob Pattinson And Kristen Stewart's 'Twilight' Premier On Sky TV Causes Havoc In UK Household.
The television premiere of cult vampire movie, Twilight, on Sky Movies Premier this evening caused chaos in one UK household. Spoof correspondent Skoob1999 wanted to watch the movie so that he could gain a further degree of understanding of the Ro...
Read full story"No use hidin' behin' Randy Gerber!" Laura tells Dubya as man indicted on Crawford extortion charges
Crawford, Texarse - (Rotters): The Thanksgiving build-up at Predator Chapel Farm is decidedly frosty. An FBI counter-intelligence story is blaming German blackmailer Edis Kayalar in the Cindy Crawford extortion business. A photo of Ms Crawford...
Read full storyJedward Confound Critics
Jedward, Irish twins from Dublin, John and Edward Grimes, tonight confounded their many critics on the X-Factor show by turning a thoroughly unexpected and wholly professional performance in a Queen themed special. Jedward turned in a damned good...
Read full storyPostal Sorting Office Explosion.
It has been revealed that a Royal Mail sorting office was destroyed by two huge explosions. The sorting office in Warwick was destroyed during the postal strike when two letter bombs went off. A spokesperson said "it's quite ironic really, if...
Read full storyDiscovery of Water on the Moon: Consequences for Business
NASA's announcement that there's water on the moon has created a flurry of activity in the business world: --Producers of Evian bottled spring water have announced that they will be moving all its operations to the moon. Interviewed in Switzerl...
Read full storyRussian human-kebab diner gets complaints of 'bad meat'
MOSCOW Russia - According to my source, Private Ruskysnitch, secret police in Russia have contacted nine bums suspected of killing a man with aspartame and selling his parts to a kebab diner. Their statement said that the suspects had targeted the...
Read full storyPelosi Switches Sides on Healthcare
Washington, D.C. - Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi announced yesterday that she will no longer support the Democratic healthcare bill, currently being debated in the United States Senate. Pelosi elaboated on her decision noting that although...
Read full storyHitler Found In Griffins Attic.
Adolf 'Killer' Hitler, leader of the Nazi's and all round bad egg has been found alive and well in BNP leader Nick Griffin's attic. "I couldn't believe it, you coulda knocked me down with a feather," said Mr.Griffin, cousin of Peter, star of the F...
Read full story409 Pound Kirstie Alley Banned From The Fat Farm
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Once upon a time Kirstie Alley was a little overweight. Then as time passed and she began eating Hostess Twinkies as if they were M&M's she began to go up the weight scale. At first it was half a pound here, half a pound there.
Read full storyJonas Brothers Have Close Call In Spain!
Although many are keeping it quiet, the brothers got a scare in Spain when one guy got past security during their performance. "I didn't know what was going on", stated Kevin. "The guy looked kinda messed up and I thought he was headed right for u...
Read full storyX-Factor Latest: Who Is Daniel Faggins?
In a shock announcement from X-Factor central, Daniel Faggins has been named as the winner of next years competition. Simon Cowell was said to be 'thrilled' that Faggins was the winner because Simon was his mentor. In a break with tradition, Si...
Read full storyLetterman's Wife Tells Him To "Hit The Road With Your Bimbos"
David Letterman's wife Regina has told him she has had enough and sees nothing funny about his admission that he had sex with the women that have been employees of his show. She reportly told Letterman that not only was he a creep but that he thou...
Read full storyLondon auction house sold my £3 umbrella for £75.000
A man from Bristol claimed that a famous auction house listed his £3 umbrella as part of its Contemporary British Art auction and managed to sell it to a telephone bidder for £75.000. Mr Porter-Bury visited the auctioneers yesterday morning and at...
Read full storyInbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre - Part 20 - The Final Chapter
The gang gather in the dilapidated house. Dastardly Deano is nowhere to be seen. Outside the storm rumbles on. Lightning streaks the sky, thunder rumbles, the wind howls, and the rain floods down in torrents. "Where'd he go?" Buck shouts. "Fucker disappeared innit," Nick says. Then something strange happens. There's a chattering sound, and the pitter patter of feet on bare floorboar...
Read full story27 More Carrie Prejean Sex Tapes Have Been Found
GREEN RIVER, Wyoming - The dethroned Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was in Green River signing copies of her latest book Still Standing But Listing Badly. And by all looks of things it now appears that there is not just one sex tape starring Car...
Read full storyFerguson Finally Flips!
Manchester United manager and gloom monkey Sir Alex 'Scotty' Ferguson has today been arrested, after an altercation in a nightclub in Kent. Sir Alex was downing gin in Rhubarb's Lounge in Sevenoaks when he spotted referee Alan Wiley across the room.
Read full storyElderly confusional discovers magical transport portal
Magical portals which can transport a person from inside a room to an area outside the room has been discovered in many houses across the UK this week. ESA Scientist Bradley Mendals explains, "Simply put, these 'Inter-Room Portals' are magical tra...
Read full storyTerrorists Win! Bin Laden "Pleasantly Surprised" with 9-11 Show Trial in New York.
Deep in the Mountains of Pakistan: Osama Bin Laden gave a rare press interview today to members of the international media. Commenting on the Obama Administration's decision to try the mastermind of the 9-11 Attacks, Khalid Sheik Mohammed, in civili...
Read full storyChinese Freezing Their Asses Off, Blame The West
A Chinese diplomat at the United Nations stated Friday that Beijing was now under five feet of snow after they seeded the clouds two weeks ago so they could experience it for the first time, and he blames the West! "For many years we were on our o...
Read full story'Large VAT, Dave, and put it on the slate'
[Cheesy music, credits run] [Scene: The Winchester Club in Hammersmith] 'Wotcher, Dave, 'as Arfur been in today?' 'No, Tel, 'e's not been in for days. Why not try the lockup?' 'Yeah, might just do that. Give us a lager, please.' 'Comin' up.' [Detective Inspector Chisholm appears, followed by his Welsh sergeant, Terry McCann starts to quickly leave] ''Old it, McCann! Where are you going...
Read full storyEngland go for a 'Brazilian'
In a bizarre twist to Fabio Capello's managerial reign of the England national football team, he has ordered each and every member of his squad to have a Brazilian style trim of their downstairs topiary. When asked about his strange request Fabio...
Read full storyParis Hilton Says Sex Video A Nightmare While Awake
Poor Paris Hilton. To this day, Paris Hilton says she still feels "humiliated" "frustrated", "disgusted" and "a little hot" over the X-rated sex video taken by her ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon of one of their intimate trysts, and sold as a lucrative bus...
Read full storyEngland Football Team's threat to withdraw from the friendly match with Brazil in Qatar, over Prawn Cocktail Crisps!
Doha Airport, Qatar: As part of the valuable PR trip, to help to jump-start England's shambolic 2018 World Cup bid campaign, the English FA scored another own-goal. The hugely influential president of the Qatar FA, Mohammed Bin Hammam, who is a...
Read full storyCarrie Prejean Says Sex tape Was God's Will...Quotes The Bible..."Don't Hide Your Bushel Under A Light"
Carrie Prejean issued an angry press release today regarding her Larry King interview. "I never got the chance to explain to that dirty old man why I made that tape. It was God's will. I was reading my bible one day and listening to The Beach Boy...
Read full storyObama's Mother-In-Law On National Shopping Spree!
President Barack Obama, on his nightly visit on ABC, CBS, NBC and CNN was in tears last night as he confessed that Michelle's mother, Ms. Marion Robinson, has apparently been on a wild shopping spree even while he was trying to get the nation out of...
Read full storyJedward split
Tonight's edition of the X-Factor has been thrown in to turmoil amid rumours that the Irish brotherly duo have split, but not how you might think. Scientists from Oxford university say they have evidence that the Irish duo John and Edward Grimes...
Read full storyJedward paternity: Wobbie Williams responsible?
London - (Chromosome X-Why? Fucter): The hair-raising tribute act could well be a greasy chip off the well-oiled Williams block if DNA stories are to be believed. This weekend the doolally-duo's manager has denied any links to Wobbie, whose featu...
Read full storyRice Beer Zombies
This morning the CIA announced they had uncovered a plot launched by the republic of China designed to change the balance of world power. It was revealed that recently discovered documents told of a plot to dramatically raise China's rice exports wh...
Read full storyHarry S Truman rolling in his grave!
Tokyo - (Ebola Gay!): Japanese comfort women were ministering to his every need this weekend as President Obama recovered from a deep, grovelling bow before Emperor Aki Shit-Ho and his gargoyle fossil spouse. Obama is on the first leg of a four da...
Read full storyFox Launches 2 New Cars
Fox announced yesterday that they are diversifying into the automotive sector during the Anchorage Motor Show in Alaska to take advantage of market niches caused by the collapse of GM. "Essentially the vehicle consists of two main components, a to...
Read full storyMacLaren recalls Formula One buggies
Surrey - (Grand Prix): An outbreak of auto-erratic hysteria has seen the company recall its fleet amid complaints the follow-on formula-won buggies had become unhinged. A complete overhaul is now planned, grounding the marque's boy-racers and 2009...
Read full storyClint Eastwood gong upgrade amid Angelina Jolie paternity reports
Paris - (Gonads): Clint Eastwood's Legion d'Horreur medal has gone up two notches. The upgrade from President Sarkozy this weekend recognises 'ze testicular strain of fazering Angelina Jolie' ... and 'gagging' (at) the evidence. "Ow you do it...
Read full storyBerlin Wall Falls - Brown resents comparisons
Comrade General Brown, Prime Minister of the Peoples' Republic of the UK and fervent republican supporter attended Berlin this week to celebrate the collapse of a vicious, repressive Marxist regime, which collapsed as the East German Communist econom...
Read full storyWorlds oldest dog actually dead, and has been for five years
The Guinness world record for Worlds Oldest Dog is in doubt today amidst claims that the dog is in fact dead. Ancient K9 Otto Jones, and his elderly owner Lynn Jones from Shropshire first appeared on regional news then became an overnight sensatio...
Read full storyMan Causes havok at airport with Table Tennis bats
Luton police are questioing a man who was arrested for causing confusion at Luton airport with a couple of table tennis bats. Airline expert Ron Bexley explains, "Airline pilots are conditioned to follow the signals of ground crew when they wave t...
Read full storyFrench world record breaking Tirimisu: Italy pissed off
Tensions are wearing thin as Italy accuses France of the heinous crime of 'Theft of record breaking dessert'. Italy claims the French conducted a secret mission to steal the tasty dessert to pass off as their own. France was then awarded the World...
Read full storyUniversity professor electrocution caused by "over gesturing"
A man is in intensive care today after being electocuted by overhead power lines. The "bizarre" accident happened when "Professor" Julian Hodge from "Blurples" College in Cambridge was "explaining" to a group of "children" how "electicity" works.
Read full storyPrison health-care costs rise as prison doctors grow older and sicker
LONDON England -- Black mold oozes from his smelly head. His lumpy skin reeks. A forklift and crane support his 2000 pounds of weight. Yet, according to this man, my source, he is the doctor here at the Tower of London. This is not the typical im...
Read full storyArlen Specter Announces His Defection From the Human Race
Today Senator Arlen Specter formerly of the great state of Pennsylvania, Earth, the United States, announced his permanent removal from the ranks of global citizens, homo sapiens, and residents of the red-blooded patriotic U.S. of A. Senator Lindsey...
Read full storySugar, water drinks targeted
WASHINGTON, DC -- Judging by comments made to the press today by Dr. Strangedeath, FDA spokesperson, the FDA is fuming at sugar/water drinks, saying it will pull them off the market unless manufacturers can prove the beverages are safe to drink. O...
Read full storyUS trade gap a wide shock
Cambridge, MA - M.I.T. economists are perplexed over a largely wider trade gap in September. According to calculations run on the data, as reported by Norance Hornaby of East Campus, Americans must be producing much less and buying much more. "I...
Read full storyThe Italian Scallion
Why Italian Mammas Make Their Sons Eat Their Veggies and Their Women Are Glad Of It There once was an ugly Italian Who would hourly consume a scallion. One would think that his breath Would drive his wife to death... But, in bed, it made him a stallion. The End...
Read full storyAtheists Announce Santa Alternative. Godless Joe Will "Amuse and Delight."
San Fransisco, CA: Prominent atheist groups met this week to announce the formulation of a positive promotional icon to represent their cause to children this holiday season. According to the group, the new icon will attempt not only to change the p...
Read full storyBarack Obama to push Pakistan to invade Afaganistan
President Barack Obama has unveiled his solution to the Afgan problem during an interview with the CNN. Asked whether the USA can ever be successful in its mission in Afganistan, Mr Obama said that the breaking point would come when Pakistan woul...
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