X-Factor Latest: Who Is Daniel Faggins?

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Saturday, 14 November 2009

image for X-Factor Latest: Who Is Daniel Faggins?
We don't have a photo of Daniel, so this is kind of related.

In a shock announcement from X-Factor central, Daniel Faggins has been named as the winner of next years competition.

Simon Cowell was said to be 'thrilled' that Faggins was the winner because Simon was his mentor.

In a break with tradition, SiCo Productions, Cowell's own production company, decided to dispense with the whole drawn out show format that had become popular with it's fans.

"We just decided to dispense with the whole drawn out show format that has become popular with our fans," a spokesman said. "Why go to the trouble of putting on all those auditions, flying out to different locations in the judge's houses, then all those live shows? Just decide who's the winner now, job's a good 'un!"

Faggin's can't sing, can't dance but does look quite smart and tidy and always wears the designer brands, so he really is a suitable winner to join the previous elite such as Leona, Alexandra and Jedward. Details of the boy himself are vague, but his mum said he's a lovely lad.

He is believed to be 19 years old and worked part time in Games Workshop in Leicester. His workmates have told us that he wasn't your 'normal' run of the mill geek though, "there was always something odd about him," his ex-store manager told us, "some sort of star quality."

The other contestants, including Sally Chunder, were said to be 'gutted' that they hadn't won the non-public public votes.

When asked how SiCo Productions were going to make their normal revenue from the phone votes we were told that the government had put in place a special X-Factor tax, wherein every household in the U.K will be charged the price of a phonecall, twice a week, for the duration of time that the show would have run.

Winner Daniel Faggins was unavailable for comment when we sat outside his house for two days. He's probably already in rehab.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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