Elderly confusional discovers magical transport portal

Funny story written by Frank Miller

Saturday, 14 November 2009


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Mavis is the discoverer of the Inter-Room Portal. She's happy.

Magical portals which can transport a person from inside a room to an area outside the room has been discovered in many houses across the UK this week.

ESA Scientist Bradley Mendals explains, "Simply put, these 'Inter-Room Portals' are magical transporting machines which allow the passage from one room to another instantly.

"I can demonstrate the principle with this piece of paper. By folding the paper and pushing this pencil through it, you can see that the pencil has pierced the paper twice, like the Inter-Room Portal; all you have to do is walk through!"

Easily confused elderly woman, Mavis Ridgely (87, easily confused, elderly) was the first to report the existence of IRPs when she called the police and claimed that her husband of 69 years had disappeared suddenly during BBC's 'Strictly come on my tits' on Saturday night, "He just stood up and then he was gone from the room", she said, "but then he reappeared just as suddenly as if nothing had happened!"

Mendals again, "These IRPs are like the stable wormholes used in space travel today, they go from point to point, totally fixed. So a portal from your lounge to the kitchen will always do the same thing. It won't suddenly go to your upstairs bedroom."

For the moment it seems we are stuck with these strange devices but many experts are concerned about the long term effects from using the portals; why are they here? Can we trust them? Is walking through one like having sex with it?

Frank Miller

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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