Manchester United manager and gloom monkey Sir Alex 'Scotty' Ferguson has today been arrested, after an altercation in a nightclub in Kent. Sir Alex was downing gin in Rhubarb's Lounge in Sevenoaks when he spotted referee Alan Wiley across the room.
Mr.Wiley had arrived with his crew some minutes before and an eyewitness has confirmed he exclaimed he was "determined to get hammered."
Ferguson, who was seemingly agitated by Wiley's presence, decided to confront the card-weilding tubster and his posse. Ferguson was heard to shout "och," a famous and often copied Scottish catchphrase and stereotype, but did not follow up with the usual 'aye the noo.'
Wiley tried ignoring the taunt but Ferguson was determined to make his point.
Hailey, one of a group of girls who were close by on a hen night, said "we were p***ed, I mean totally hammered. I can't remember a thing. Did I sleep with you last night? How did I get here? Who are you, and why are you writing all this down?"
The argument escalated a while later when Wiley was spotted robot dancing like ex-Liverpool beanpole Peter Crouch. Ferguson was said to have taken this as a direct insult and marched through the throng and landed quite a tasty head butt to the flailing referee. Wiley responded with a lovely sweeping kick, sending Fergie crashing through a decorative potted plant.
The feuding pair were restrained by onlookers and the police arrived an hour later.
As they were hauled away Ferguson was heard to shout "I'll git you, sucka!" however, the spelling has not been confirmed.
Ferguson faces a lengthy touchline ban and Arsenal on Sunday, Wiley faces a three match ban and chants of "who's the bastard in the black?"