Sugar, water drinks targeted

Funny story written by Aspartame Boy

Saturday, 14 November 2009

image for Sugar, water drinks targeted
A fat lady was found dead after drinking this sugar/water drink

WASHINGTON, DC -- Judging by comments made to the press today by Dr. Strangedeath, FDA spokesperson, the FDA is fuming at sugar/water drinks, saying it will pull them off the market unless manufacturers can prove the beverages are safe to drink.

On Friday, the FDA sent letters to nearly 30,454 companies, giving them 5 days to provide evidence that their drinks don't pose health or safety risks. The FDA hasn't approved the use of sugar and water in beverages, and companies might have to show that experts generally think mixing sugar and water is safe for consumers.

"We are taking a look at the legal basis for the marketing of the products," Dr. Strangedeath, the FDA's spokesperson, told reporters. Unlike aspartame, sugar has no extensive lab testing proving it is safe.

"Aspartame is the most tested sweetener of all time. Where is the proof that sugar is safe, especially when put into solution with dihydrogen monoxide?", Dr. Strangedeath concluded.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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