Post Office Fury
Postal workers have reacted with fury at plans to privatise the postal service and sell it off to foreigners. The Communication Workers Union has decided to ballot its members. However, there would appear to be some problems with the postal ballot as...
Read full storyDon't Forget Fart Awareness Week Starts Monday!
A note to the public in general, next week is Fart Awareness Week so please check your local newspaper to see where the classes will be taught in your area. The classes will last for one week only, but by week's end, you'll be able to tell everythin...
Read full storyIs this the cleverest person in Britain?
Is this young fresh faced university student the cleverest person in Britain? On last nights edition of Universally Challenged she scored 9000000 points. That's even more than Jeremy Paxo and he's got the answers written down! Dorothy Matrix is a...
Read full storyBush: I want my job back
Former joke and President George W Bush has met with Vladimir Putin today in a bid to learn how to remain in power even when you are not legally allowed to. Putin still controls Russia from the position of Prime Minister. Bush is looking in to suc...
Read full storyMargaret Thatcher: My part in her downfall
A new dramatised account of the downfall of the totalitarian dictator Margaret Thatcher is about to be released. It will concentrate on the events that took place in the Downing Street bunker towards the end of her rule. With her forces surrounded...
Read full storyObama Brings In Specialists To Help Social Security, Economy
President Barack Obama is bringing together dozens of experts, advisers and adversaries to discuss how to curb a burgeoning federal deficit laden with Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid obligations. "We are in desperate times financially and...
Read full story88-Year-Old Woman Billed Over $1200 For Sex Calls
In Nashville, Tennessee the family of an 88-year-old woman who was billed for over $1,200 in phone sex calls suspects identify theft. Lullabelle Riley recently received a credit card bill addressed to her husband, Lonas T., who died nearly 50 yea...
Read full storyDog found at centre of universe
Scientists have located the centre of the universe and found a dog there. A team of astro-nanomoleculists at the University of Freelovenburgspeil, Dortman, charted the infinite and ever expanding universe to pinpoint the location of the Big Bang a...
Read full storyFinancial journalists caused 'the whole craven mess' says Cable
Vince Cable has laid the blame for the global financial crisis on journalists. Speaking at a London School of Economics (LSE) debate entitled Why Did Journalists Hide the Economic Tits Up?, Dr Cable said: "There were warning signs and financial jo...
Read full storySpoofer brings revenge attack by accidentally naming famous Conflicker writer
TheSpoof.com was hit by a devastating Denial of Service Attack today, in response to a story that accidentally named the creator of the Conflicker virus. Earlier this week, occasional contributor Jon Hollander suggested that the virus, also known...
Read full storyPope Replaces Bureaucrat with Boozer in NY Archdiocese
Cardinal Edward Egan will be allowed to slink off into the shadows of retirement after pushing papers from one side of his desk to the other during a lifetime as priest, bishop nand Cardinal. Most big city archdiocesan leaders are begged by the Vatic...
Read full storyHull City And Sheffield United 'Fans' To Organise FA Cup 'Tea Party'
Fans of Hull City and Sheffield United have come together in a bid to bury the hatchet and forget about their long-standing differences by organising a 'Tea Party' before, after and possibly during their FA Cup 5th round replay at the KC Stadium on T...
Read full storyMickey Rourke Announces He Is Retiring
HOLLYWOOD - Mickey Rourke, the 56-year-old actor who staged an amazing 14-year comeback after an up and down roller coaster career in acting, boxing, and music has announced that he is retiring from the film industry. The Schenectady, New York na...
Read full storyRupert Murdoch Posed for NY Posterboy Chimpanzee Racist Cartoon
When Rupert Murdoch, the Citizen Kane of world news, appeared at a press conference to apologize for his newspaper's tasteless chimp cartoon, onlookers could not help but notice a striking resemblance.Murdoch is a dead ringer for the deceased chimpan...
Read full storyStatue Of Queen Mother Revealed By British Royal Family
In London today, Queen Elizabeth II has unveiled a new statue honoring her late mother, affectionately known as the Queen Mum or the Queen's Mumsey or Crazy Old Bat, according to whom you were asking and how sober he was at the time. Of course, if...
Read full storySatellite designed to monitor US CO2 output 'fails'
A satellite designed specifically to monitor Carbon Dioxide levels in the atmosphere has mysteriously failed to launch correctly. The launch of the unit, which would have allowed pinpoint readings of the US adherence to emissions targets, was undert...
Read full story"I LOVE TITS" yells fevered Winton
Dale Winton, host of "Hole in the Wall", amongst other televisual works of genius, has declared today his love of "big juicy tits". The 53 year old added "There's nothing I like more than milking a massive pair of swollen tits". His off the cuff...
Read full storyWatchdog: Schools Should Go back to Basics
Schools should adopt 'back-to-basics' disciplinary methods in order to curb bad behaviour and improve educational standards, according to a report published today education watchdog. The report praised the work of some state schools in deprived ar...
Read full storyHillary "Glad She Lost" as New Female President Struggles on "24"
Several episodes in to the new series of 24, and former First Lady Hillary Clinton has expressed relief that she narrowly avoided becoming the first female President of the United States. Aides revealed Mrs Clinton has been "closely following" eve...
Read full storyBarrymore pool death shambles exonerates suspects, blames local cops
Essex - (ReUterus & Sordid Ass Mess): An Independent Police Complaints Omission report published today has completely exonerated all suspects in the Michael Barrymore pool death of rent boy Stuart Lubbock and blamed local CID officers for the ens...
Read full storyHousing Crisis in US Solved, ACORN Volunteers Move Into and Claim Foreclosed Houses As Spoils of Class Warfare!
Everywhere, USA/ The Daily Worker - After a three hour brainstorming session in Washington yesterday attended by over 130 "smart people" President Obama declared at least one economic crisis solved! The President signed an immediate Proclamation a...
Read full storyOrder of the Gutter memorial to the Third Reich's Queen Mother
London - (Hellfire Club Mess): In a final act of appeasement of her Nazi forebear father Adolf Hitler Spoof dynastic matriarch Queen Elizabeth II unveiled a new memorial in The Mall today commemorating the late Queen Mother. The nine foot high bro...
Read full storyUFO gamma ray blast vaporises NASA's global warning satellite
NASA HQ, Groom Lake, Nevada - (An Inconvenient Spoof Mess): "Hell, we are screwed!" was the only comment from NASA spokesman George Diller as the Agency's flagship Orbiting Carbon Observatory global warning (sic) satellite was blasted to smithereens...
Read full storySlumdog's Pinto Signs To Do Woody Allen Movie
Fresh from celebrating her part in Slumdog Millionaire oscar landslide, its star, the model-turned-actor Freida Pinto, has signed up to star in Woody Allens latest film, "Hangdog Hotel Room", Vanity reports. Allen, himself basking in the glow from...
Read full storyUFO's Caused By Burped, Farted Soft Drinks?
A just released report from some hot air experts in the field, could explain that mysterious UFO sightings go hand in hand with a puzzling natural phenomenon known as sprites - flashes high in the atmosphere triggered by thunderstorms in clouds that...
Read full storyRobin Williams Lip Syncs for Geithner: US Can't Print Money Fast Enough to Keep up With Corruption and World Welfare!
Washington, DC/ All the News Fit to Print from The Mint and Then Some! - Newly minted Secretary of Treasury, Tim Geithner, appearing at a hastily called news conference with his tie poorly knotted and his shoes untied, hastened through a brief report...
Read full storyNew Queen Mother distilllery is opened
A national monument to the Queen Mother is due to be opened by the Queen, the Buckingham Gin Palace distillery. Three generations of the Royal family will join Her Majesty for the ceremony in London, and it has been funded by the sale of £5 no-deposi...
Read full storyBarrymore enquiry to open
There is to be an official enquiry into the death of Stuart Lubbock, the man who died in gay ex-TV presenter Michael Barrymore's swimming pool. It is thought that police did not investigate the case thoroughly enough initially. Mr Lubbock's family...
Read full storySummit Summit on Crisis "Crisis"
Washington - Today The White House disclosed that it had hosted a secret mountain top summit of world leaders to deal with the burgeoning crisis "crisis". Among those attending were Beatles Guru Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, President Putin of Russia, Chav...
Read full storyAussie Blogger Uncovers the Real Hillary Clinton
PERTH - Australian blogger, Vince Foster, from Mundijong has discovered some incredible things about Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. The 64 year old Foster, who has a slight American accent, but claims to have lived in Mundijong his entire life,...
Read full storyNew direction for Rourke
Resurrected actor and tabloid fodder Mickey Rourke has announced yet another turning point in his tumultuous career: Song and dance man! "I was totally blown away by Hugh Jackman at the Oscars," beamed Rourke at an Academy Awards after-party, "thi...
Read full storyBlack Children's TV presenter "scares young viewers"
A children's TV channel came in for criticism last night when complaints were made about its new presenter Simon Churchill who some parents claimed "scared their kids". Churchill, 26, whose grandfather was from Jamaica and settled in the the UK in...
Read full storyHuge monster with big teeth attacks Eastern seaboard of America
After decades of safety and calm, the Eastern seaboard of America was attacked again today by a massive killing monster with huge teeth, striking fear into all New Englanders - yes, Kate Winslet was back. Many Americans had thought that film direc...
Read full storyStatue of Queen Mother unveiled
A new statue of the Queen Mother by controversial sculptor Philip Jackson was unveiled today. The statue shows the Queen Mother in her heyday, holding a betting slip in one hand a glass of gin in the other. "It captures the essence of one's mot...
Read full storyHuman rights lawyer sues himself
Controversial Canadian human rights lawyer Richard Warman sparked more furore last night when he announced he was suing himself. In a press statement, Warman said that he had come to realise that his attempts to stop people like conspiracy theoris...
Read full storyBritish man sentenced
A British man caught smuggling cocaine into Venezuela, who admitted smuggling but said he thought he was smuggling diamonds, will today be sentenced by a Venezuelan judge. The man will be given 15 years imprisonment for cocaine smuggling, 10 year...
Read full storyBush Bombs - as a writer
Having spent eight years trying to find the door in the Oval Office in the White House, George W Bush decided to write his memoires. In the few weeks since leaving the house, he has finished drawing all the pictures, and Laura Bush has helped with th...
Read full storyCharles Barkley Headed To Jail
PHOENIX - Former NBA player, TNT Network color analyst, and future governor of the state of Alabama Charles Barkley has been sentenced to ten days in jail. Sir Charles, as he is known, will only have to serve five days. He received the sentence fo...
Read full storyBagpuss To Manage Chelsea
Chelsea FC today announced that Bagpuss will take over from Guus Hiddink in the summer. A club insider denied that the appointment was further proof that Roman Abrahamovich was struggling financially. "Bagpuss is not a short term appointment. We beli...
Read full story"Gordon Brown is Scottish" poll reveals
A poll has revealed that PM Gordon Brown is Scottish. Labour party activists moved swiftly in a bid to cover up this damaging news. It is feared that this news may lose the government votes at the next election. Voters may want an explanation from...
Read full storyLousiana Gov Slumdog Millionaire to confront Obama in Bollywood Battle
Indian dot not feather Lousiana Governor Bobby Jindall has declared Bollywood battle upon Chitown millionaire dawg Barack Obama. Ever since brown has become the new white, the loser Republican party has been searching for a new complexion and the res...
Read full storyBinyam Mohammed to Replace Brown
Just as the British rag The Nose Guard, published by American Football favoring Rupert Murdoch, speculated about what was in the cards for newly released Olympic water boarding champion Binyan Mohammed, the Labour Party delivered an answer. Labo...
Read full storyOld Bastard Pythoners Sponsor Twitter Races
Aged absurdist comedians who vaguely remember something called Monty Python were sitting around the Old Aged Absurdist Comedians Hotel and Hospice recently when one received a twitter from a granddaughter probably looking for some inheritance money.
Read full storyPrison inmate cuts off penis and tosses it into tuna salad
Seattle, Washington - Clifford Fillmore, tired of the shower room tauntings, decided to take matters into his own hands, literally. During group shower time in front of a bunch of horrified inmates, he sliced off his own penis. Paramedics where call...
Read full storyBritish Petrol Merges with Arthur Treacher's and Vegamite to Produce Phatso Phuels
BP, one of the founders of Kuwait and numerous other postcolonial prowestern oil whores seems to be going green and rather fishy. So many British drivers are turning to the processed cooking oil as their fuel of choice that BP has been seeking merger...
Read full storyThe Catholic Calendar of Saints: A Cavalcade of Holy Mass Murderers, Sanctimonious Adulterous Popes and Some really gay blades: February 23
In recognition of the fact that the One Holy Apostolic Catholic Church has provided almost as much comedy to spoof writers as the royal family and the Bush family, one of its newest latest excitingest features will be the catholic calendar of the saints. Each day if we are sober enough after our daily draught of altar wine we will try and provide a saint of the day inspirational reflection. So...
Read full storyBush Writes His First Book Entitled 'Curious George'
Ex-President Bush (W.) has published his first book. Having lots of time on his hands now that he is no longer tearing up the world making it safe for democracy and corporate barons, he decided to put it to use by following more intellectual pursuits...
Read full storyWrestling Mogul McMahon launches professional Tai Chi league
Wrestling mogul Vincent K. McMahon announced yesterday that he is about to launch a new series based around the meditative martial art Tai Chi. According to McMahon this new venture will be geared towards a baby boomer demographic. He argues, "The...
Read full storyPalestine Children Act in Bid for Statehood
The Gaza Strip-Palestinian school children have been busy of late selecting state symbols,voting on a state moto and chosing a state song, for what they hope will soon be a new Palestinian state. "We are so very proud of our children who are under...
Read full storyNew York Post Attempts "Clarification" With New Cartoon
New York, New York: Mere days after the New York Post published what was first thought to be one hilarious cartoon involving President Obama's economic policies and a chimpanzee shot dead, The New York Post has published yet another cartoon in order...
Read full storyWhitby to Climb Mount Wobbly
Regina - World famous mountaineer Sir Reginald Whitby plans to add Saskatchewan's Mount Wobbly to his list of summit achievements including Everest, Anapurnal, Mount Kilimanjaro and Mont Blanc, which is also a pen. Mount Wobbly at three metres is...
Read full storyRoy Keane set to turn air blue as new Manchester City manager.
Roy Keane has been named as 'Replacement in waiting' for manager Mark Hughes job at Manchester City after contractual, legal, ethical and telecommunication issues were finalized today following months of mammoth 'Machiavellian' managerial manoeuvring...
Read full storyFreddie Mac Investigating Itself, Totally Shocked!
Freddie Mac's own internal lawyers hired by mortgage finance giant Freddie Mac are quietly investigating the firm's own $2 million lobbying campaign, according to the Associated Press, and say they are shocked by the way they have been running their...
Read full storySnowman Greets Canadians in Miami
Miami - Local residents took advantage of the recent cold-snap and a snowcone machine to build a snowman at Miami International Airport. The out-of-place snowman startled Canadian tourists debarking for their annual winter vacation. Don McFee o...
Read full story3500 Year Old Egyptian Tomb Reveals a Strange Inscription
Cairo Egypt: An archeological expedition to Egypt's Valley of the Kings has reported finding a strange inscription inside the innermost burial chamber of a 3500 year old Pyramid. The inscription @*$! #%* was written on a wall. Dr. Jones the head...
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