Census Takers Stumped: No One Living at White House!
Washington,DC/ Washington Post Real Estate Supplement/Apts. For Rent - In a trial run of the 2010 Census undertaken by Department of Commerce employees, volunteers found that there was "no one at home in the White House!' While the lights were all...Read full story
Piss On That Bernie Madoff Doll!
Pissed at disgraced investor thief, Bernard Madoff? There's a toy just for you! One of the vendors at this week's Toy Fair is offering the "Smash-Me Bernie," a $99.95 Madoff lookalike doll that wears a devil-red suit and carries a pitchfork. It comes...Read full story
Hot and Cold Running Water
The shower in my apartment has got me thinking about people; specifically what seems to be many women's all or nothing attitude towards the one's they love to hate, or is it hate to love? My shower works into this in a number of ways. To begin with, the hot water is not very convenient to my abode as it is piped in from a boiler located a full block away rather than a heater in the next room. L...Read full story
It's said a suit makes the man, but I have to argue that the man makes the suit. Suits are considered the professional attire of businessmen, but I beg to differ that they're the uniform of conformists. Sure they may look good when suited to a specific region and time, but in all actuality they are just overpriced if not dangerous clothing. It doesn't seem that long ago that the cut of the jib...Read full story
With Spring just around the corner, I decided the first thing I'd clean would be my wallet. Nearly two inches thick, my billfold has become just too unwieldy for my back pocket. While this isn't a problem at home, commuting can be a pain in the...you know what I mean. The first thing to go was the month's worth of debit card receipts accumulated from the local grocery stores. It's not often I c...Read full story
University Of Birmingham To Tackle Extremism
The University of Birmingham has announced new plans to tackle the sticky subject of Religious Extremism by releasing details of its new undergraduate courses in Islamic Fundamentalism. Government worries that extremists are recruiting would-be su...Read full story
How talented Europeans are taking our jobs and ruining our England
"I had a good job in the North East, got the management promotion I'd always dreamed about but before I knew it I was out on my ear" Steve's story is one that is being told throughout the UK. Before being made redundant last year McHeron (check with Steve McClaren's agent if name change is ok - Editor) had worked for two years for profit making body the Football Association. He knows wh...Read full story
"8ctuplets Mom" gets Eight Balled by the mainstream media, as she quickly becomes the nation's latest scapegoat
Whittier, California - Taking pressure off illegal aliens from the blame game of stealing jobs and resources from Americans for a change, giving BBC war correspondents a break from their coverage of the bloody conflict in Afghanistan and laying off t...Read full story
Jade's Got it Made Reveals Ron
Today 'Big' Ron Atkinson revealed he found Jade Goody to be a wonderful role model. In a recent interview Ron said "If only I could get the kind of exposure that tart's had. Everyone's forgot about her old playful racist banter. I want a piece of...Read full story
GM, Chrysler And Studebaker-Packard Seek $23 Billion Bailout!
In Detroit, Michigan Wednesday, General Motors Corp, Studebaker-Packard and Chrysler LLC requested nearly $23 billion in additional U.S. government loans and said they had reached tentative deals with the United Auto Workers union to reduce their lab...Read full story
Royal Navy's Brunei posse 'to bring back Prince Jefri Archer'
Plymouth - (Madoff Ponzi Scam Mess): The biggest British naval deployment since the Falklands War has been sent to Brunei to bring back feckless fugitive from justice Prince Jefri Archer. Ten Royal Navy destroyers, two nuclear-powered submarines...Read full story
Rien ne va plus as Trump casino empire bombs
Atlantic Shitty - (Les jeux sont faits! Mess): Donald Trump's eponymous gaming empire has gone bust after the follically-challenged slickover artiste defaulted on a $40 million Bernard Madoff Ponzi scam hedgefund loan. He borrowed the money last y...Read full story
American Singer, Katy Perry In Wardrobe Mishap!
The Daily Masher was the first to report Katy Perry's wardrobe mishap at an Italian Musical Festival this week. According to the newspaper, Ms Perry was singing a new song about "looking for a real man, a real hard-loving man to mate with" when he...Read full story
Bristol Palin Sets The Example
Bristol Palin, 18-year-old daughter of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin, has apparently given her first interview since becoming a mom, to reporters of "The Polar Expression". "I'd like to become an advocate against teen pregnancy, especially the 13-y...Read full story
PM explains Grand Bargain Plan: Re-introduction of the Workhouse
The British Prime Minister said today that as part of his new plan for the economy, he intended to revive the 'Workhouse Model'. This meant that individuals and families would have somewhere to go when they became destitute or had their houses repos...Read full story
Arnie to Return to Screens
Aging action-hero-cum-politician Arnold Schwarzenegger is due to make a return to the silver screen, it was announced today. The star, 62, put his acting career on hold when he became Governor of California in 2003, however, his publicist today an...Read full story
Chavez Sends Obama Boatload of Venezuelan Bananas:Thanks US for Joining Other Banana Republics!
Port of Los Angeles/ Shipping News - In a gesture of solidarity, recently acclaimed President for Life, Venezuela's Hugo Chavez cemented his relationship with new US President Barack Hussein Obama, by delivering a boatload of fresh bananas for the Pr...Read full story
Texan Ponzi scam tycoon Stanford's empire run 'from North London squats'
London - (OMFG! Mess): A Texan tycoon's $8 billion Ponzi scam has been run from a 'few squalid North London squats' according to FBI sources. The Serious Fraud Office yesterday raided Sir Alan Stanford's 'accountants' in Enfield and found one octo...Read full story
Pelosi 8 Day Italian Junket:"Do as I Say, Not as I Do...or Else!"
Ljubljana, Slovenia/ Vanity Fair Life Style & Travel Section - A fleet of Air Force luxury VIP planes landed at this picturesque village today, disgorging a flock of exhausted Democrat Congressman, emotionally drained after passing the $1.3 Tril...Read full story
Michael Jackson To Auction Off Over 2,000 Personal Items
Apparently, Michael Jackson, the King of Pop is getting rid of more than 2,000 personal items, mainly because he needs the bread or rather, those he owes need it. In an upcoming auction in April, Michael is set to sell his American Award for "Thri...Read full story
Apple unveil a new car
Apple have decided to move into the automotive industry and have launched a direct competitor to the Smart Car, with double the price tag. The new super-mini will be called the iCar Nano, and comes complete with a link to iTunes and an iPod dock s...Read full story
Buckingham Palace Won in Raffle
In a bid to beat falling house prices Buckingham Palace has been won as first prize in a countryside raffle. The giveaway was intended to create a buzz around the housing market, to get people buying again . It was won by a Mr. C.George of Wind...Read full story
Law Lords deport Abu Qatada because "his beard is too long
Jordanian terrorist and beard fanatic Abu Qatada lost his appeal against deportation. In a unanimous decision, five Law Lords lambasted the length of the radical cleric's beard, saying that there was simply no room in the country for beards of that l...Read full story
Face of The Obama on sandwich; Texas woman 'blessed by the holy toast'
A miracle in the small college town of Denton, Texas, where a local woman credits her half-eaten toasted cheese sandwich, purportedly showing the image of The Obama, with the unexpected refinancing of her mortgage, allowing her to keep her home of te...Read full story
Abu Qatada Deported To Wales
Law Lords deliberating over the appeal against deportation of the radical Muslim cleric Abu Qatada, have given the all-clear for his deportation from the UK to go ahead as soon as possible. He will be sent to Wales this afternoon. Qatada had ap...Read full story
Recession Hits Domesticated Animals, Wild Animals Wonder What's the Fuss About
Last Thursday, Caesar, a 6-year old black purebred Labrador retriever waited for someone to adopt him after being abandoned by the family where he was employed as household pet for last two years. After failing to be find a new owner who would take h...Read full story
Joseph Mengele Diaries Found in South America
The secret diaries and notebooks of Nazi Doctor Joseph Mengele have been discovered in the library collection of a Catholic Church in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Mengele, known as the Doctor of Death, was responsible for experimentation on Jews in the...Read full story
Colleges to remove Extremism from the curriculum
Colleges in the UK have been told to 'tone down' their support of religious extremism in their classrooms, as the government believes that they are a festering mess of potential suicide bombers and terrorists. A specialist technology college, in A...Read full story
Bigfoot Seen To Vanish
Yellowstone - Three weeks ago, Sasquatch, was accused of appearing out some bushes, stealing a disk from a camcorder, taking the batteries, and then vanishing. Yesterday, a group of researchers arrived from Utah University (UU), following up on the s...Read full story
Goody to Become Saint
Former 'Big Brother' contestant and tabloid revenue-stream Jade Goody is to be beatified by His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, it was announced today, in recognition of her tireless work to benefit race relations. The move, which is the result of a c...Read full story
Senator McCain Is Bitter, Threatens To Hold His Breath
PHOENIX, Arizona - Senator John McCain has grown extremely bitter at the fact that he lost the presidential election to Barack Obama. McCain told reporters from one of his wife's seven homes that he has not been able to get over his loss in the pr...Read full story
Rapper Fity Cent Performs for Pimps at US Auto 50c Sale
Rapper Fitycent told the US auto industry audience that it's hard out there for a pimp. The combined crowd of car salespersons chanted back in one voice: "You're tellin' Me!" That is how the first ever cars for $.50 sale received its kick off.Read full story
British Troops Fight to the Death for Taliban Drug Stash
In the first notable heroism displayed by John Bull's soldiers, British troops sacrificed life and limb to score some sweet heroin. Hundreds of UK militiamen laid about slain in the spirit by the Afghani white horse. By the time straight soldiers...Read full story
Brutal Dictators Long for a Dialogue with Obama
Chavez of Venezuela, Amadinejad of Iran and now Assad of Syria are all lining up for a tete a tete with America's first black and blue president. Obama, who has become so lonely since no Republican will give him the time of day from their diamond...Read full story
Obama in $50 Million Endorsement Deal With Blackberry
As many Americans have already suspected, President Barack Obama allegedly inked a $50 million advertising deal with Blackberry. Unconfirmed Sources reveal that Obama secretly signed a $50 million advertising promotion with the cell phone maker du...Read full story
UK's Virgin Rail Inspires No Humping Zones Around Primary Schools and Train Stations
Virgin Rails, The Puritanical Path to Safe Intercourse, has established a No Kissing Zone at a station in North England. Conflicting theories mention the traffic jams caused by smoochers, greedy parking lot attendants and Virgin's envy of sexual plea...Read full story
Hundreds of British Teenie Humpers Line Up for Paternity Testing
Young Lady Chantelle of Eastbourne apparently united with a veritable kingdom of 13 year old British boyos. Why else would the line at the Paternity Testing Clinic of Eastbourne reach the 70 miles southeast to London. It seemed as if ever new teenage...Read full story
After surrendering Swat to Taliban Pakistan's Zardari demands more US$ so he can 'strike more deals with all other militants'
SWAT - PAKISTAN: Having sold away the safety of Swati citizens to the barbaric Taliban in a doomed-to-fail deal , Pakistani Prez talked to CNN from one of his many Swiss villas. "You know Wolf, it's time for me to have some tuff-talk with the US...Read full story
Britney to put sons up for adoption
Britney Spears , 27, recently revealed to Star Magazine that she's putting both her sons up for adoption. "Britney has a lot to deal with right now. This is her decision, and I support it. Sean , and Jayden are going to be fine," says a rep for B...Read full story
Activist Dragons Ousted in the USA
Hong Kong China: The "Great Wall" Street Journal is reporting that China's stock market the Hang Seng is at an all time high, while the US NYSE is at 2000 and continues to fall. The editorial page writer Master K'ung (Confucius) pondered the eight...Read full story