Early reports indicate Pakistani finger behind modern day Sepoy Mutiny in Bangladesh
DHAKA, BANGLADESH - Suspects captured in the horrific mutiny have started singing like canaries and to nobody's surprise the finger is, once again pointing towards Pakistan - America's greatest ally in the War on Terror. Early reports indicate tha...Read full story
Liverpool Kop Smacked Down Good And Proper At Last
Lisbon, (Lisboa) Portugal. Today - Liverpool FC were today rocked by the double whammy of being smacked down in the Premiership by lowly Middlesbrough and battered in the 'Footy Anthem Of The Decade' contest here in Lisbon. The Liverpool entry, 'Y...Read full story
Jade Goody Hallucinates
Just when you thought life could not get any worse we bring you another Jade Goody story (surely just when you thought her life couldn't get any worse-ed). Following numerous hallucinations Jade has been moved into a hospice. And that means an immine...Read full story
TheSpoof.com Writers Pimp it Up
Mark Lowton, owner of TheSpoof.com, has issued a warning that top writers are reported to be squandering their points on inappropriate flashy clothing. Lowton says "Most writers are not socially aware and seldom see the light of day so it is not...Read full story
British soldier awarded VC for having an unusual skin colour under enemy fire
British soldier Ganja O'Leary was today awarded the army's highest award, the Victoria Cross, for having an unusual skin colour under enemy fire. 'While all me mates was also under fire', the hero said, 'and across the Middle East thousands of Britis...Read full story
'LOST' Island Lost
'LOST'There was confusion in the South Pacific today, when O'ahu, the Hawaiian island location for US drama series, Lost, vanished into thin air. The paradise island, formed by two extinct volcanoes, Wai'anae and Ko'olau, is 71 km long and 48 km a...Read full story
"Soldiers mental state a disgrace"
Britain's most decorated soldier has described the government's care of soldiers to be a disgrace. Brigadier General Sir Alvin Stardust, KCB OBE CBEEBES RAC MOT ABC LOOK OF LOVE SHOOT THAT POISON ARROW YMCA BBC ITV XTC said "These people have ser...Read full story
Gore "All Humans Must Die"
AL Gore announced today in a infomercial that all humans must die. He attempted to appear on many highly acclaimed shows such as NPR, Elvira Mistress of the Night, and the Rosie Show to make his announcement but it appears even they are tired of hi...Read full story
Bradford Metropolitan Council Spark Furore
Bradford, West Yorkshire - Angry scuffles broke out during a council meeting here today, between opposing factions in dispute over controversial plans to brighten up the city. Council leaders announced that every building in the city would be pai...Read full story
House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, gets earmarks for her pet peeve pork barrel project to build a Miniature Marsh Mouse Super Train to Las Vegas
Death Valley, California - According to Right Wing Radio Spin Doctors, the Obama's stimulus package that is intended to prevent the economy from diving headlong into the shallow end of the pool is instead filled with pet peeve pork barrel projects li...Read full story
Liverpool FC Told 'It's Over' By Roy Orbison
Liverpool FC's Premiership challenge today became almost irreversibly derailed following a shambolic performance at the Riverside this afternoon as they crashed to ignominious defeat to hard working Middlesbrough. Boro fan, Roy Orbison told us:...Read full story
Police to use Mobile Jails - Tories say
According to Conservative MPs, the police may be able to use mobile jails in the near future to apprehend suspected criminals. Ivor Copp, Shadow Minister for police reform told In Seine News: "The public have long been crying out for more 'bobbie...Read full story
Rare funny American sitcom episode discovered
Scientists today discovered one of the rarest things on Earth, an episode of an American sitcom that is actually funny. Speaking from the University of Self-Importance in Detroit, Dr Joey Chandler said: 'It was remarkable, we were actually trying...Read full story
Chris Brown & Rihanna Apparently Back Together
Word is, believe it or not, Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together, according to a very dodgy and unreliable source. The usual reliable source has learned that the Rythm & Blues & Black & Blues star duo are spending one-on-one time...Read full story
Man with World's Largest Scrotum Fined for Overweight Bags At Heathrow!
London, UK / Air Travel News - A disgruntled passenger caused a long flight delay today at Heathrow International Airport when he strongly contested being surcharged for having an overweight scrotum, which airport security classified as "carry on ba...Read full story
Miss Whiplash 'found arse over tit' in slime-filled ditch
Risbury, Herefordshire - (ReUterus & Sordid Ass Mess): Former brothel madam Lindi St Clair spent nearly 24 hours upside down in a fetid contaminated ditch after pranging her motor down a ravine according to West Mercia reports. Miss Whiplash -...Read full story
Rep. Gov. Bobby Jindal mistakenly reads "Good Night Moon" instead of delivering the official GOP response to Obama
Washington, D.C. - Republican Governor Jindal is blaming his poorly received speech in response to President's Barack Obama's de facto State of the Union speech last week on an apparent mix-up by a member of his staff. Jindal claims that the aide was...Read full story
Did I hear someone say Mahler Five?
An ailing regional orchestra has adopted a bold strategy for attracting audiences. The Norwich Sinfonietta has revealed that it intends to start taking requests during concerts. "This is totally unprecedented in the classical world," said the cond...Read full story
Aspartame the slaves
GENVEVA, Switzerland - The key to empire tomorrow is aspartame today. Our secret source inside Bilderberg Group has released a fragment of a speech delivered in the innermost sanctum of that group, high in the Alps, last night. "We will conquer b...Read full story
All-New (March 1-7, 2009) Horoscopes From Psycho Bob
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC) So what if you're not the same level-headed person your wife said she married. Doctor Frankenstein did the best he could with what he had to work with. Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) Sure, proposing marriage by an airplane banner was a great idea three years ago, but "What's for supper?" is beginning to push it a bit. Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) Yes they call it...Read full story
Jade 'was hallucinating about Shilpa Shetty'
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Tragic Celebrity Big Racist contestant Jade Goody apparently freaked out her oncologist last week after seeing a ghostly vision of Shilpa Shetty 'stalking her outside the Pearly Gates'. The 27 year-old reality t...Read full story
Spoof Writer Refuses To Hand Back Pension Points
Uproar today in Spoofland as leading Spoofologist BuckwheatsButt refused to hand back points he had accrued in his pension package, despite the majority of Spoofers being in negative point equity as a result of the global points downturn. "It's ju...Read full story
Teen Slams Door, Then Regrets It
Junie Janie Renfrow of Boogertown slammed the door to her room Friday night after her parents had told her she could go out with friends but that 16-year-olds should be home by 11 O'Clock. Then she immediately regretted it. "Stupid Door!" yelled...Read full story
Churchill bust missing from George W Bush White House inventory
Washington AC/DC - (Naked Ass Mess): A bust belonging to UK wartime leader Sir Winston Churchill that was 'loaned' to George W Bush at the start of his first Administration has mysteriously disappeared from the White House inventory. Churchill fam...Read full story
News In & Around Boogertown: Boogertown Bank Robbed!
Boogertown Police officials held a press conference at the back of the Boogertown Banner this morning to ask the public's help in catching the robber of the Boogertown Bank, a man whom they have dubbed the "Boogertown Bank Robber Bandit." Be sur...Read full story
Early Da Vinci Code script discovered
Vatican Shitty - (Grateful Dead See Scrawls Mess): An early 16th century example of previously indecipherable gibberish has been hailed as the original, much plagiarised script of Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. The Renaissance spoof 'had been obscured...Read full story
Time-out on Bale shout-fest: Internet watchdog declares actor's blow-up "not funny anymore"
The controversial Internet watchdog Vigil, set up by the American government in 2005 in order to "redefine freedom boundaries", has announced that the infamous rant delivered by Christian Bale on the set of Terminator 4 is no longer an "appropriate"...Read full story
Ferguson sells Ronaldo, buys Bent
Norris Ferguson, manager of non-league Snettisham Athletico, has sold his star defender Bert Ronaldo (43) for a record £148 to neighbouring Concreton Town. He has bought Arthur Bent (34) from Llandridnod Wells Sportivo for £175 plus 6 boxes of Walker...Read full story
Pope recognises "Hamster Jesus"
In a remarkable move by the Vatican, the Pope has recognised that Jesus (henceforth known as "human Jesus") may not be the only son of God. Recently released Vatican documents show that God may have sent Jesus-like figures to spread the word to other...Read full story
Barrymore Case: Police Find Fingerprint
Police investigating the body in the pool case have found a fingerprint. It is believed that the fingerprint was found somewhere inside the body of Stephen Luvcock, whose body was found floating in Mr Barrymore's pool. Police have not confirmed repor...Read full story
Rush Limbaugh Wants To Woo Women
It seem that Rush Limbaugh is not so popular with women and wants to know how he can fix this problem. Let's see: he's obese, bald, obnoxious, impotent, a drug addict, and smokes stinky cigars and has a boil on his ass..All the qualifications women "adore" in a man. Last time he had a date was with the very manly Ann Coulter who said he farted a lot and kept wanting to arm wrestle with her.Read full story
Do You Need To Tidy Up After A Pool Party?
If so, ring the best. Get Barrymore. We guarantee to clean the pool and the surrounding area. It will be spotless. No stains no fuss. Got something nasty floating in your pool? Get Barrymore. We can deal with any pool based accident. Dozens of satisfied customers. Inspector Knacker of Scotland Yard had this to say" We looked all round the pool, but Barrymore had really cleaned up! We couldn'...Read full story
DADD Comes Out Against Drunk Driving
Drunkards Against Drunk Driving (DADD) have been forming chapters around the US to outpace activist angry Moms who go by MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving). Instead of the aggravated assault approach of the Moms' group, DADD has decided to try a wh...Read full story
Scientists Discover that Breastfeeding Has Surprising Effects
Scientists at the Dolly Parton institute of Nipple sucking have been pawing, nuzzling and groping their way through research on the long term effects of breast feeding. Since infants take so darn long to grow up, researchers used themselves as the te...Read full story
Fashion Industry Falls Hard this Spring for Big Love Mormon Compound Look
The fashion industry has found its inspirations in some pretty strange places. Witness the heroin Chic that glorified the emaciated, sallow beauty of junkies, the shoppingbag lady look that glorified the sad, insane bag women denizens of the urban l...Read full story
Republican Wall Street Loves America; It's the People They Can't Stand
Wall street investors have almost always been loyal Republicans who stir with patriotic pride at their love of their country. Whether they were making their money from war, weather or whims, they always felt great love for the flag. Now however that...Read full story
Drunken Photographers Problem at Sporting Events
London - Planners for the 2112 Olympics are concerned about the increase in inebriated photographers at sporting events. Once known for their professionalism sports photographers are now becoming known as drunken sots, stumbling over spectators, pres...Read full story