A note to the public in general, next week is Fart Awareness Week so please check your local newspaper to see where the classes will be taught in your area. The classes will last for one week only, but by week's end, you'll be able to tell everything from a flat blank low-smelling plop to a silent killer to an no-holds-barred gut-retching, underwear filling fudgablast!
Fart Awareness Week was started in 1968, the year Richard Nixon took the office of President of the United States and people soon began to notice the little upper lip raising gesture as Nixon spoke and were aware that something was wrong.
After finally tracing it down, it was revealed that while Nixon was too tight to fart, Spiro Agnew was loosening silent killers before leaving a room.
After a solid year of some fart-searching through all the general bullshit in Washington, Agnew finally accidentally let one go at an office party where just a few Nixon friends were gathered and several nearly passed out. Henry Kissinger was rushed to Walter Reed Hospital and remained on oxygen for a solid week.
Agnew retired in disgrace, making up a lame story about taxes.
The very next day friends talked Nixon to declare a National Fart Awareness Week and it was so.
Since then, over 50 countries have participated.
Learn before your eyes glaze over on an elevator. Remember, every class features CPR training and teaches you how to hold your breath until you can reach over and push the elevator button for the very next door where you can escape.
