A poll has revealed that PM Gordon Brown is Scottish. Labour party activists moved swiftly in a bid to cover up this damaging news.
It is feared that this news may lose the government votes at the next election. Voters may want an explanation from the Labour party how this had been allowed to happen.
Recent events in the House of Commons have now been explained. Frequently referring to Harriet Harman as 'hen', drinking Tennent's Super and challenging David Cameron to "come oot side yer sassenach" are now thought to show advanced stages of Scottishness.
Medical experts believe that there is no possible cure. Dr Andthe Medix expects things to worsen fast. "It is only a matter of time before he starts wearing a kilt, playing the bagpipes and trying to convince everyone that he can cope with the current financial crisis".
The Conservative party moved swiftly to ensure voters that they would not allow a Scotsman to become their leader. The Lib Dems of course remember Charles Kennedy's tenure. He resigned once his Scottishness became public.