Financial journalists caused 'the whole craven mess' says Cable

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Tuesday, 24 February 2009


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Journalists caused all this says uber hero Cable

Vince Cable has laid the blame for the global financial crisis on journalists.

Speaking at a London School of Economics (LSE) debate entitled Why Did Journalists Hide the Economic Tits Up?, Dr Cable said: "There were warning signs and financial journalists hid them all with their cunning words.

"J'accuse Robert Peston, j'accuse the FT and j'accuse the conspiracy of PR lunches."

The packed auditorium lapped up the words of their new favourite semi-ironic student pin-up.

Evan Davis, former BBC economics rascal and daringly-modern presenter of the Today programme, said: "Yes.

"We all knew but for a number of reasons it wasn't our fault.

"Firstly the news narrative meant bad news was not scheduled until 2010. News needs a rhythm and the banks promised no bad news until the Conservatives got back in power so we could build up to it nicely.

"Secondly most people supping news from the tabloid cone are just too thick to get it. Why waste air time and newspaper print with stuff not even most journalists understand and just copy and paste from press releases, when all the public wants are pictures of Jade Goody bald pressing her tits on a glass coffee table?" he crisped.

Doc Cable said: "My Mail on Sunday readers cannot be blamed. Nor can bankers, it is in their DNA to be greedy and take risks knowing the government will drag out the bailout buckets if they lose an eye lash. That would be like blaming penguins for liking fish and chocolate biscuits.

"That only leaves financial journalists. And Gordon Brown, of course."

Hurriday Gullar-Flaming of the FT said: "We did warn. We covered clearly the desperation ejaculating from the CDOs, RMBSs, SPRMBSs, octagonal derivatives, AAA-rated haircut CCCs, double Oslo retard hold positions, dangerously pre-exposed swaps, and securitised Yoko Ono bonds.

"It was all their and on page 73 of the FT."

Dutch FT blogger and LSE econ-egghead Willirt Gotchaoscar said: "The spiders were dancing on the shelves. Now they have leapt and their eggy webs are empty.

"See the olives ripen my friend."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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