Hillary "Glad She Lost" as New Female President Struggles on "24"

Funny story written by Amateur Scribe

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

image for Hillary "Glad She Lost" as New Female President Struggles on "24"
Mrs Clinton relaxes in Washington after learning she is NOT being held to ransom by a load of swarthy terrorists

Several episodes in to the new series of 24, and former First Lady Hillary Clinton has expressed relief that she narrowly avoided becoming the first female President of the United States.

Aides revealed Mrs Clinton has been "closely following" events on the hit TV show, which features the tribulations of recently inaugurated Allison Taylor as she fights off terrorist attacks, has family members brutally murdered and is plagued by traitors in her own cabinet.

"I'm glad I lost," the newly elected Secretary of State admitted. "If the average day in the life of the President is even half as stressful as it looks, you can keep your Oval Office."

Clinton wished her boss Barack Obama "lots of luck" as he comes to grips with his high-profile role, citing the grisly fate of 24's "first black president" David Palmer and his brother Wayne's subsequent press conference bombing in series six.

"I'm happy just being an advisor," she continued. "From what I've seen, that looks pretty cushy - a bit of plotting and maybe some indignant shouting at a hastily-arranged national security briefing, before retreating quietly into the shadows while the President finds herself strapped to a load of Semtex on the White House lawn. Easy."

Husband Bill confessed he too was "quite thankful" that his wife lost last year's Democrat nomination after "First Gentleman" Henry Taylor was immobilised by a deadly serum, watched his dead son's girlfriend get gutted by a large bread knife, fell off a balcony and was ultimately kidnapped, strapped to a chair and shot by a militant Sangalan terrorist before Jack Bauer could rescue him.

"Frankly I'm delighted to be at home in Little Rock, watching Jeopardy and wiping off the biscuit crumbs," the former Commander-in Chief said. "I need another run-in with a rogue Counter Terrorist Unit operative like a hole in the head."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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