China Spoof News

17 August 2019

Worlds Smallest Vagina - New Record Holder

The Guinness Book of Records has just confirmed that they have discovered the smallest vagina ever caught on record. It belongs to Jennifer Jenkins, a trailer-trash skank who lives somewhere in Nebraska.

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China To Repair Ozone Layer With Steamed Minced Pork Buns

The disturbing news this week that dangerous chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) traceable to China are directly responsible for damage to the ozone layer, has met with a swift response from the Chinese authorities - they are to repair the damage with steamed...

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Chinese Takeaway Has Opened On The Moon

It's been revealed that the very first Chinese takeaway has been opened on the Moon. The news was announced as part of Chinese state media's press conference on the Chang'e-4 space probe, which is exploring the dark side of the Moon, and hopes to...

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Trump Threatens China With Wall

President Donald Trump isn't one to shy away from a contentious issue, and his tariff war with China has now reached the stage where he feels it is necessary to put his stamp of authority on the situation. Trump has now threatened Beijing that, if...

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Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou Is A Bit Tasty!

And, before we set off on the wrong foot, this is not some humorous reference to 'authentic Chinese food', just so you know. Meng Wanzhou, the Chief Financial Officer at Chinese communications giant, Huawei, who is 46 years old, was detained by th...

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Game's Instructions Are Not Easy To Understand

A children's memory game purchased in Bangkok but - crucially - made in China, contains a set of instructions that can only reasonably be described as 'bewildering' The game, Clever Friend by Dongba Toys, was bought at Tang Hua Seng by English tea...

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Secret deal cited for release of Chinese minister

China Hit By 8.9 Earthquake - The Great Wall of China is Now The Great Wall of Mongolia

Many Chinese Living In Caves

Beeb to copy China TV hit; Execution TV!

Upper 1% Of Rich Buy U.S. Military To Protect Them From Other 99% Of Society

World War 3 Will Be Completed In Time For Olympics

Secretary Carter further explains "challenges to international order" as with belligerence in Ukraine, Syria, plus other issues

China Landslide Is God's Retribution For Human Rights Violations

2008 Olympics: Man With Starting Gun Fails Drug Test

President Obama Explains Why He Plans To Levy A 25¢ Tax On A Loaf of Bread

China Attempts to Place Value On Human Life; Succeeds

Huawei exec Meng Wangzhou flees to Ecuador embassy in Vancouver

Tiananmen Square Tank Man's Identity Now Established

The image was iconic, the pose defiant, the mood melancholy, and the regime oppressive. The time was 1989, and the place, Tiananmen Square, in Beijing, China. Until now, the identity of the brave man standing up to the Chinese authorities has remaine...

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China Cracks Down on U.S. Nuts

China has initiated a tough crackdown on U.S. food imports, rejecting "rancid" pistachio nuts and promising more tough inspections. U.S. exporters call the accusation a low blow whose effects are being felt in all nut-producing regions.

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Ex-Beauty Queen to be New James Bond

Idris Elba has declined the role of a black James Bond as he considered it condescending to fellow blacks as well as the total misportrayal of the original character. Fleming's 007 was a MI6 spy proficient in languages and the martial arts; and a...

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China To Overtake U.S. Economy By 2016?

The Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development in Paris stated in a revised report published this week that China was on course to surpass the U.S. economy in only three more years. "China hasn't improved on their products but since jun...

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Olympic Taekwondo Cheating Scandal - War With China Looms

More Olympic scandal today, in the Taekwondo arena this time, with British girl Sarah Stevenson being the victim of the judges' incompetence, as she lost to, you guessed it, a Chinese competitor. Sarah was trailing 1-0 with just seconds of her mat...

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Biden Insults China's Vice President Xi Jinping

WASHINGTON --- Vice President Xi Jinping expected to be leader of China in 2013, arrived in Washington today and was greeted by Vice President Joe Biden. After meeting in the Roosevelt Room at the White House, they had lunch in the State Dining Room...

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Chinese Submarine on Secret Sex Mission

It was red faces all around again for British security forces when it was announced yesterday that a Chinese nuclear submarine had been monitoring Parliament for the last six months. The sub had apparently been submerged in the River Thames, adjacent...

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Chinese 'Tank Man' To Appear On The Late Show From Behind A Screen

The mysterious 'Tank Man' of Tiananman Square, the man who singlehandedly stood up to the murderous Chinese authorities during the 1989 Beijing uprising and massacre, is to appear on Wednesday night's edition of 'The Late Show' with Stephen Colbert -...

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Angry China labels Canada "Numbah Wan Enema"

Beijing Daily news conference: Chinese Party puppet spokesperson Hu Flung Dung - a recent graduate of the North Korean school of Diplomatic Barking and Frothing at the mouth - shouted at reporters gathered for an update on the Canadian hostage...

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President Obama Tells The North Dakota Sioux They Cannot Sell Their Gambling Casino To China

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama is having to intervene into a situation that has just arisen with the Republic of China. National Focus Magazine reports that a tribe of South Dakota Sioux who run the Pair of Dice Gambling Resort Casino located...

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All American Dogs to be Shipped to China and Boiled in Soy Sauce for Debt Relief

Chinese Secretary of State Laung Dong announced this morning that all dogs in America were being held as collateral for the latest Chinese bailout of the America Treasury. The startling revelation was confirmed by the U.S. Undersecretary of Agricultu...

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Chinese Billionaires to buy up Europe's Public Toilets

Chinese Billionaires have run out of Government Assets and Ghost Estates to buy, now they are buying up Public Toilets, with an option to gain equity on downtown facilities. Paris, London, Rome, Geneva, they all have busy professionals who get sho...

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Nuclear Incident Blamed on Gamer

Shock and awe in the White House today as one of America's nuclear warheads went on its merry way to China. A gamer playing Command & Conquer: Generals online launched a nuclear weapon on the game, which unfortunately triggered a real nuclear str...

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China to Barcode Infants

Beijing - China announced today that they plan to begin bar-coding infants. The bar-codes will be tattooed on newborns' foreheads and replace traditional names such as Tam, Yang and Ming which Chinese officials say are obsolete and provide little hel...

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