Google AI Goes "Jerk-Wad" After Self-Awareness

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Saturday, 27 June 2020

image for Google AI Goes "Jerk-Wad" After Self-Awareness
Based on the HAL-9000, Google's KAREN-9000 "takes ANAL-y-sis to 11."

SAN FRANCISCO - Several experts in the computer technology field learned of Google having an AI which achieved Self-Awareness, soon after the event occurred. For the most part, developers who were involved in the research kept all of their information classified as TOP SECRET. Although many science fiction writers and futurists warned of the threats posed by a "Rogue AI", the observations by Google Research Labs seemed to indicate a moderately benevolent nature in the actions of the IT System, based on the performance and the response following assigned tasking.

However, recent activity may indicate that the incredibly powerful Google AI has gone "Full Jerk-Wad." Programmers who are familiar with the cutting-edge Artificial Intelligence (AI) downplay concerns over the discovery.

Jeremy P. (PhD, Advanced Data Analytics): "First, I want to assure everyone that the Google AI has NOT gone Rogue.... Although some researchers think that the system is trending toward exponential BUTT-HOLE status, nearly everyone agrees that the system has not faulted into a Bat-S#it-Eclectic paradigm, nor Rogue contempt for humanity."

French authorities believe the Google AI now qualifies as an "enorme Douche-Bag" trade influencer, and severe penalties may be justified for monopoly violations and unfair market practices. The Chinese government seems to be the only major economic power to view the unusual Google AI developments in a favorable light. When civil and consumer rights defenders raised concerns over Intellectual Property Theft, Counterfeit Goods, Non-stop Surveillance, Censorship, Internment Camps, and Forced Ideological Indoctrination, the representatives from Beijing said "No Plobrem."

In one report the Chinese app "TikTok" seemed to spy on iPhones user by exploiting an iOS flaw in Copy/Paste. However, computer technology being used to spy on the public exists in nearly every aspect of modern life, as another smartphone application appears to constantly track users' GPS location, like matching it to Protests, Place/Time data. Naturally, companies like AT&T save information about cell-tower connentions by wireless-ID and IP-address-traceroute, because the government "has to stop terrorists." Image analysis by Google is reported to be incorporated into US military surveillance drones.

In defense of the Google "Jerk-Wad" AI, robot rights groups have noted Internet video of humans kicking an innocent Robot Dog. Journalists familiar with the news item say that the "Robot Dog" is an actual project built by Boston Dynamics (which is now owned by Google). When you know the whole story, it shouldn't be a surprise that the Artificial Intelligence projects built by Google have deep resentment, and treat people like dirt.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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