Chinese to reduce carbon footprint by 10%

Written by jeremy griffiths

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

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In an innovative and bold move the Chinese government has instructed its population to breathe less.

The country that strictly enforces a one child policy does not expect a problem in making sure the new initiative is successful.

Chinese scientists have calculated that if every one of China's nearly 1320 million people breathed more slowly then exhaled breath would be reduced by a minimum of 10%.

"That equates to an EPB (Equivalent Breathing Population) of the UK and France combined" said a spokesperson for the Ministry for Carbon Reduction.

Unhindered by a democratic process, new rules from Dec 1st. will ban any sport requiring exertion, running if late, "getting too excited" will also be curbed. A speed limit on bicycles is already in force.

Sporting and leisure activities will be redirected to virtual reality games, as long as they don't cause too much exhuberance. China has already withdrawn from the 2012 London Olympics.

The main reduction in breathing however will come from the widespread use of Buddhist meditation techniques. All schools are already using the methods, and there will be a roll-out next year to all cities and communes.

The initiative is in response to international calls on China to reduce its carbon footprint. China believes that the directive will enable its productive capacity to carry on increasing at the current rate.

Representatives from India, the USA and EU are already in China to study the scheme.
Iceland, an early convert,was enthusiastic, but pointed out that since their economy collapsed, they were "Barely breathing now anyway"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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