There were 337 spoof news stories published in May 2014. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Boko Haram Leader Abubakar Shekau Steps Down After Latest Kidnapping Scandal - Thanks To #'s and Twitter
Succumbing to public outcry and intense media scrutiny over yet another kidnapping scandal, embattled Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau has promised to step down from his position as head of the terrorist group, amid all the outcry in Western social...
Read full storyJesus Christ Will Not Heal Anyone With A pre-Existing Condition - God
Reports coming from Heaven are indicating that God, creator of the Universe, and all powerful being, who created the earth in six (or was it seven?) days, who refused to allow Noah to put the dinosaurs on the Ark, invented cancer and AIDS and who has...
Read full storyBurger King Workers Like the Slogan Change
Good-bye "Have it your way." Hello "Be your way." And the BK workers seem to approve. "Why should pesty customers expect everything THEIR way?" asked a gum-chewing BK worker yesterday, continuing, "what a crock." Popping his gum at the interview...
Read full storyTybee Island Not Heard From For 72 Hours
Georgia - Neighboring towns are growing increasingly worried about Tybee Island - after not hearing from the dufus invested beach town for 72 hours. "Tybee Island tends to keep to itself," a visibly concerned resident of Savannah said, "but two d...
Read full storyTwo Girls stoned outside New York Mosque
It is being reported that two 18-year-old girls have been stoned to outside a Mosque in New York. The two girls, Sarah Brooks and Kim Beasley, were reportedly high on marijuana after rolling two joints behind the Muslim place of worship in Queens.
Read full storyTybee Island DA Wants To Know Why Mice Get All The Good Medicine - Wants Answers
Tybee Island District Attorney, Tommy Cock, is demanding that the FDA stop giving ground breaking drugs and medical treatment to mice; but instead administer them to humans, in a poorly worded letter, mailed yesterday. The note, filled with grammar errors, typos and spelling mistakes has been passed to this news agency; below is the transcript: Dear FDA, I resently (sic) read that scient...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich private jet 'The Bandit' in near collision with Iranian drone
Azerbaijan - The tarmac outside Baku International Airport arrivals lounge looks like a bomb site this weekend following a spat between the Russian mobster's private jet and a 'high tech' hunter-killer drone operated by the Iranian Revolutionary Guar...
Read full storyDallas Cowboy's Fans Unite to Pray for Racist Remarks From Jerry Jones
Dallas - In light of the lifetime ban placed upon Donald Sterling, owner of the LA Clippers, after his recent racist remarks, fans of the Dallas Cowboys football team have come together in prayer hoping their sorry-ass owner, Jerry Jones, will op...
Read full storyBetty White, Joan Rivers and Larry King Neck and Neck In Office Death Pool
Things are hotting up in a South Florida offices' 'death pool' after new member of staff, Kevin Ball wagered $200 on former Golden Girl Betty White to pip current favorites Joan Rivers and Larry King to the grave. "I feel good about Betty's prosp...
Read full storyCan't We Focus On All The People Who Didn't Die From Smoking? Beg Tobacco Companies
Leading tobacco companies and cigarette makers are asking the public not to focus on the dangers of smoking but to switch their thoughts to the millons of people who smoked but did not die from smoking related illnesses. "Not everyone dies from ca...
Read full storyAnother 9/11 Is Just Around The Corner
According to my calendar the US is just a few months away from another 9/11. After intensive and meticulous research, including the reading of blogs, interpreting messages and just keeping my ear to the ground this reporter has ascertained that Se...
Read full storyMcDonald's Launches New Minimum Wage Menu
McDonaldland, USA -- Bowing to pressure from minimum-wage maximization advocates, the McDonald's Corporation today introduced a "more affordable" menu designed exclusively for workers at the bottom of the pay scale. "We can't afford to raise the s...
Read full storyRussia: We Will Bomb Ukraine Into The Stone Age Message Welcomed By Kiev
The Ukrainian Government has welcomed Russia's promise of "bombing them into the stone age" and see it as a chance to progress. "By advancing the Ukrainian people, from our current state of anthropological sub-infancy into the earliest dawning of...
Read full storyWolves Eat Baby They Were Expected To Raise
Reports from Romania are indicating that a pack of wolves did not raise a baby they found abandoned in the woods; but ate it instead. Authorities told reporters that they found a woolen hat, traces of blood and chewed up bones in an area of the wo...
Read full storySecond Coming Of Christ Postponed Indefinitely
HEAVEN - In a move many observers described as inevitable, representatives of God, the Christian God that is, announced Tuesday the indefinite postponement of any "Second Coming" or "Ressurection" that had been promised to Christians for more than t...
Read full storyBald Man To Replace Bald Eagle As National Symbol Of United States
The bald eagle, national symbol of the United States of America, whose image appears on most official seals of the U.S. government, including the presidential seal, the presidential flag, and in the logos of many U.S. federal agencies is to be replac...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Going Bald!
"I was surprised when it didn't all grow back!", Hollywood heart- throb Brad Pitt explained while catching a glimpse of himself for the hundredth time in the hallway mirror. "I look like a friar in one of those old eroll flynn movies" cried brad as...
Read full storyArizona State University Declared the Worst College in the World
TEMPE, AZ-A detailed report completed this spring semester by national scholars announces Arizona State University (ASU) as the worst school in the history of colleges and universities in the world. Based on the results from a ten-year study conc...
Read full storyNFL Unveils Tickle Football
Howard Moss was in for a surprise when he reported to the Bears rookie training camp as a right tackle this week. He was staring at the sign-in sheet that mentioned "Tickle Football", When something odd happened.What he thought was a simple typograp...
Read full storyNYC to Name Award "New Yorker You Least Want to Run Into" After Alec Baldwin
New York City - The New York City Visitor's Bureau has decided to begin handing out an annual award designed to reward a recipient, while at the same time alerting the public to a person who, should they see him or her in public, should be avoide...
Read full storyJake, From State Farm, Sues State Farm For Ruining His Dating Life
Bloomington, IL - The actor who plays "Jake, from State Farm", we'll call him Jake, from State Farm, in the famous insurance firm's commercial, is suing the company for stereotyping him as "hideous" and ruining his love life. The actor seeks $5 m...
Read full storyMan's Huge Shit Blocks Toilet During Girlfriend's Visit To Condo
Whether it was a case of nervous agitation and uncontrolled excitement, or the direct result of an earlier-consumed over-ripe curry hasn't yet been ascertained, but the upshot of some or all of the above was that one lovestruck Englishman was today c…
Read full storyMayor De Blasio weighs in over Alec Baldwin 'cycling menace' brouhaha
NYC - "Don't you know who the guy used to be?" was New York Mayor Bill de Blasio' s remark today at news of Alec Baldwin's cuffing on Fifth Avenue for guerrilla cycling stuff like a complete and utter dork. "He almost ran against me for Mayor las...
Read full storyProgressives' Shopper Mart - The Premier E-tailing Site for Fully Enlightened Ideologues
Here are some of the most desired items for those of you in elite political cliques who know who you are and espouse only the most enlightened ideas of utopian thought. Shop today and impress your friends at the next exclusive cocktail party! These...
Read full storyMorning News Shows Feature New Tally: The Weekly Domestic Body Count
AP (Adjacent Press)--In response to the weekly reports of mass shootings across the US, many morning news shows are now including, among their morning segments, a weekly domestic body count of the number of victims lost to gun violence across the cou…
Read full storyBubbles the Chimp goes f^&#ng bananas at Michael Jackson Hologram Show
It was an unexpected glitch at an otherwise successful hologram rehearsal performance which showcased the king of pop at his finest. The show which has taken months to create was so realistic that special guest and former Jackson pet Bubbles the C...
Read full storyOscar Pistorius Certainly Fit Enough To Stand Trial Say Experts
Oscar Pistorius, say many experts, is definitely fit enough to stand to trial, despite murmurings from South Africa he may not be. "He is an athlete!" Screamed former Olympian Carl Lewis "He is extremely fit, even with no legs his fitness and exer...
Read full storyTybee Man's Wife Told Not To Mess With Air Conditioning Settings
In a strongly worded statement Wednesday, Tybee husband and hard-working father of two Clive Shwartz made it perfectly clear that his wife is not to mess with the the air-conditioning settings anymore. "If I've told her once, I've told her a thous...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich swoops on Steven Spielberg's $25m Hamptons teardown
Long Island - A bijou 3.2 acre pond-front plot at 94 Apaquogue Road has been secretly snapped up by the Russian mobster after epic haggling with its movie maker proprietor Steven Spielberg. The Hollywood director finally cut the deal at $25 millio...
Read full storyTybee Drug Ring Busted After Drug Mule Spotted At Airport
A Tybee Island drug ring was busted earlier this morning at the Savannah International Airport after custom's officials and the FBI spotted the cartel's drug mule after he disembarked a flight originating from Mexico. "It was pretty obvious he was...
Read full storyOpinion: Flag Football Is Just Like the NFL
If you're a fan of pro football, you admire NFL players for their extraordinary displays of skill and courage on game days. But you probably don't realize how hard those players work all week long. I do, because I play flag football. Whether you...
Read full storyWillie Nelson to Join Twitter Birdies at Wall Street Protest
Twitter birdies are disgusted, and they want the whole world to know. With the share price of Twitter down but work assignments up, the Twitter birdies say they have to speak out. Wall Street wants faster expansion of the business, but the birdie...
Read full storyNew Study: Fat Bottomed Girls May Not 'Make the Rockin' World Go Round' After All
Ithaca, NY - After years of tireless research at Cornell University, professors have released a study that brings into question the long-accepted fact the late great Freddie Mercury, from the rock band Queen, proclaimed to the world - Fat bot...
Read full storySharia-style lapidations for anyone caught fornicating at Sultan of Brunei's Beverly Hills Hotel
Los Angeles - And filthy - uh, fifty! - lashes for sneaking in rough trade into the $10,000-night Presidential Suite, especially from outside Brunei's officially-sanctioned hooker pool. The draconian punishments also apply to what Sultan Hass-Anal...
Read full storyBen Affleck Under Investigation For Researching Wrong Role in Las Vegas
Las Vegas - Ben Affleck was caught 'counting cards' in Las Vegas this week and authorities are baffled as to why the actor was attempting such a feat. Apparently, Affleck was on a bender and claimed to be doing research for a role in the next Rai...
Read full story'Ban the birds' cry Central Park advocates
New York -- Now that the carriage horses are on the run, activists are taking aim on another group of animals that need to be rescued from Central Park. A study by the nonexistent grassroots group Animal Advocates has found that the privacy right...
Read full storyAs His Missteps Mount, Mets Manager Holds A Closed-Door Meeting With Himself
Flushing, New York - New York Mets Manager Terry Collins was mad as hell at his team's subpar performance in recent weeks, much of which was caused by his own mistakes. So he called for a special closed-door meeting that excluded the media, the coach...
Read full story'American Idol' Becomes Proving Ground for Future Politicians After Aiken Congressional Run
Los Angeles - Ryan Seacrest announced this morning that, due to former American Idol finalist Clay Aiken's close results in his bid to win a congressional seat in North Carolina, the show would transition to a clearinghouse for all future politic...
Read full storyWindows 8 Used to Cure the Criminally Insane
Recent reports indicate that State Mental Hospitals across the country are treating their worst cases of insanity by forcing patients to use a computer running Windows 8 for prolonged periods of time. "It's true" confirmed a spokesperson for the...
Read full storyPutin Praised By Senator For Hairy Chest
Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC) appeared on Face The Nation Sunday morning saying that "President Obama is weak-kneed and that America isn't respected around the world anymore." He praised Russian Petro-Dictator Vladimir Putin for being hairy cheate...
Read full storyLatest Godzilla Movie Features Fatter, Middle-Age Monster With Low T
Tokyo - In the latest incarnation of the Godzilla series of big-screen features, Godzilla 2014, the monster playing the fierce creature looks a little less menacing than in previous movies, and a little more out of shape. "It's true, I've let...
Read full storyPresident Obama Vows to Punish Those Responsible in VA Scandal, Unless They Happen to be Federal Workers
Washington, D.C. - President Obama sternly admitted that no one in the country is more outraged than he over the news coming out of the VA scandal where numerous veterans have lost their lives waiting for medical care. Nobody bought it, of course...
Read full storyLong Lost Tybee Bomb Found
(STT News - Tybee Island, Georgia) A long lost nuclear bomb found accidentally by island regular, DP Whitehead, who, while patrolling the area of the island, was announced today. The Mark-15 nuke was lost in 1958 when a B-47 bomber and F-86 fight...
Read full storyKen Hamm to Teach a Geology Class at Bob Jones University
GREENVILLE, SC--Dr. Stephen Jones, president of Bob Jones University, announced today that the controversial college (which only allowed interracial dating beginning in 2000), would now enter the nineteenth century and allow the teaching of Geology a...
Read full story69 Years Later, Jews Still Angry Over That Whole Nazi Thing
Buenos Aires, Brazil - Despite the passage of nearly 70 years, many Jews are still holding onto anger over the attempt by the German Nazi Party to exterminate them as a people group. "They tried to kill us out of existence, as a people, as a rel...
Read full storyJay-Z Forced to Rewrite "99 Problems" After Sister-in-Law Becomes Number 100
New York City - Famous rapper Jay-Z thought he had it made. Married to one of the most famous people in the world, singer Beyonce, the wordsmith has been enjoying life since 2004 when he announced he only had ninety-nine problems. That is hundreds le...
Read full storyUnited Launch Alliance and Russia Claim NASA
Orlando, Cuba - The United Launch Alliance (ULA), a monopolistic joining of Boeing and Lockheed that is wholly dependent on Russian rockets, has stepped from the closet and taken sides with their suppliers. Speaking at a media resource event in Or...
Read full storyKentucky Derby Horse 'Uncle Sigh' Doesn't Really Give a Damn About Race
Churchill Downs - As the 140th running of the Kentucky Derby nears, one fact about one of the horses in the running this year is clear: 'Uncle Sigh' just doesn't give a damn. The horse is already pissed about having to shave his beard for the race bu...
Read full storyMaria Sharapova to start toilet cleaner company
Russian tennis star Maria Sharapova may be more well known for appearing on the cover of the SI Swimsuit edition, but has also gained from this multi million pound endorsement deals via her agent Max Eisenbud. Recently, in an interview with CNN t...
Read full storySleazy NBA Billionaire Boys Club Owners
NBA Dallas Owner Mark Cuban doesn't want to take away Donald Sterling's ownership of the L.A. Clippers. (Cuban is the hyperactive out-of -shape guy, who sniffs the armpits of his players on the court after they win games for him.) Opposing taking a...
Read full storyDivorce Lawyers Line Up Outside Kim and Kanye's Wedding
It's the stuff fairytales are made of; Kim Kardashian is to finally wed her incredibly wealthy, highly successful soul mate, Kanye West. This is the most highly anticipated wedding of the year, possibly of all time, and has divorce lawyers across the...
Read full storyRipping Out Heart Better Than Lethal Injection
Dr. Joseph Mangele of Yale University, authority of Aztec culture and society, has written a book justifying capital punishment. He argues that when the state murders, in both societies, the ulterior motive is to maintain order and to sustain the pow...
Read full storySomething So Bad Happens In Tybee That It Can Not Even Be Reported
Something so bad and unspeakable has happened in the small town of Tybee located on Tybee Island that it cannot even be reported, it is that bad. Tybee, 13 miles from Savannah, a small town with an even smaller mentality, is said to be reeling fro...
Read full storyJesus and Disciples Were Not Present When da Vinci Painted "The Last Supper"
Milan, Italy - An international panel of art experts and historians has unanimously agreed that Jesus Christ and his 12 Disciples were not actually present and did not personally sit for Leonardo da Vinci when da Vinci painted his famous mural "The L...
Read full storyBen & Berry's announces two new flavors: Defecake (Shit Pie) and Boooger Bonanza!
In an early morning press conference today, a spokesman for Ben & Berry's Ice Cream announced two new flavors of ice cream that will be on store shelves this coming month. The two new flavors are Defecake aka: Shit Pie and Booger Bonanza! B...
Read full storyNFL Teams Eye Proactive Name Changes to Stay Ahead of the Game
Executives emerged from an emergency owners meeting of the National Football League, determined to stay ahead of the pressure to adopt politically correct names, which is non-existent, except where hyped by the media. Some teams are more under th...
Read full storyBavarian Bestiality Believed to Be Behind Belgian Boys' Buggery
Munich, Deutschland - Dr. Hans Freid Eggs, a renowned German zoologist has come to the defence of four orang-utans convicted of grievous buggery committed against a group of Belgian schoolboys. "This is nothing but a snitch-up!"(sic) exclaimed Egg...
Read full storyMinogue sisters charged with attempted bribery of disabled person
Kylie Minogue has reportedly made a statement about the attempted bribery of a disabled person last week. It is reported that Miss Minogue, who is 46 years of age, was at a book signing at a local mall when a mobility scooter with police equipment...
Read full storyGPS-enabled Cryptographer Limited Edition all the rage as inventor launches 12mph electric suitcase
Changsha, China - A deluxe version of an inventor's motorised suitcase on wheels was launched today aimed at the lucrative international Security Services market. According to a New China Toast press release the 'Lock Up N Go' invention is the br...
Read full storyMany in U.S. Believe Mental Illness Caused By Demons
Science's goal is to create reasonable explanations (theories) to describe reality - theories that rely, not on feelings or passions, but on evidence. Yet substantial portions of the American people reject scientific conclusions. In the fields of p...
Read full storyKoch Bros. Buy Democrat Party, Harry Reid Short Circuits
Washington, D.C. - The Koch Brothers have had it with Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader from Nevada, and his constant railing against the brothers every time he props himself up against the podium on the floor of the Senate to spew asinine c...
Read full storyHalal tap water causes outrage
First it was Subway that was selling halal meat, then Pizza Express, now it turns out halal produce is everywhere, including the water coming out of British taps. "This is an outrage," said Nick Farage, head of UKIP. "Why isn't this on the news?...
Read full storyTybee Judge Overturns Monoply Board
A Tybee Judge has overtunred his families monopoly board Monday, effectively ending a night of wholesome family fun. The judge, Steven Scheer, has never overturned anything before in his life - which makes the incident even more remarkable. T...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Debuts New College Degree Plan at Rutgers: Professional Vacationer
New Brunswick, NJ - Smiling, and without a care in the world, FLOTUS showed up at Rutgers University today to unveil a brand new academic program she is credited with creating, in conjunction with the Board of Regents, that should be a hit with t...
Read full storyLebron James Holds American Basketball Fans Hostage Unless Demands Met
Miami - NBA superstar and member of the Miami Heat basketball team, Lebron James, threatened to sit out the next season if LA Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, was not forced to sell the team after recent racist remarks made by Sterling. While he...
Read full storyGOP blocks funding to climate change research, changes logo to Ostrich with head in sand
WASHING D.C. - A recent press release by Rep. David McKinley (R-WV) confirms that the republican controlled house has passed an amendment restricting the pentagon from using funds to investigate climate change. At the same time, senior republicans, f...
Read full storyA hit with the voters?
How many times have you heard it said? Our political system doesn't work because we only have two realistic options of who to vote for. One is for Eton educated toffs with extravagant duck houses on the lake in their front gardens, the other stands f...
Read full storyHerbivore Assessment Program Makes Vegans Feel Like Shit
Have you ever met one of those annoying, self-righteous vegans who obviously considers himself morally superior to all other humans on the planet? If so, you might be encouraged to learn that the recently established Herbivore Assessment & Rating Program (HARP) is working to take those self-important vegans down a notch - by assessing precisely how "vegan" they really are. In calculating a...
Read full storyWhite House Laments Roosevelt Didn't Have #HitlerSucks in 1940's, Could Have Shortened War
Washington D.C. - Sixteen year-old White House Spokesman, Jay Carney, commented in today's presidential press briefing that it was a shame the Roosevelt administration didn't have the benefit of hashtags in the early days of World War II so they...
Read full storyVan Jones Blames Global Warming for Changing Benghazi Talking Points
Atlanta - Van Jones, former Green Czar for the Obama administration and current host on CNN's Crossfire, blamed Global Warming for the tampered with talking points regarding the Benghazi attack in 2012. He completely dismissed any nefarious invol...
Read full storyMajor League Baseball Moves to "Girlfriend Who Doesn't Know Sports" Playoff System
New York City - As a result of a powerful lobbying effort by a union of various women's rights groups, Major League Baseball is changing its current playoff system to the "Girlfriend Who Doesn't Know Sports" system. In the "Girlfriend Who Doesn't...
Read full storyGwyneth Paltrow Fitted for Muzzle, Treated for Diarrhea of the Mouth
Los Angeles, CA - Some people don't know when to shut up. Such is the case with actress Gwyneth Paltrow. Her mouth has gotten her in hot water with critics again and, this time, drastic measures have been taken to prevent further asinine comments...
Read full storyMalevolent Mascot Maraurdes Mongolian Metropolis
Disturbing images are filtering in through the Mongolian social media site, DuckSoup.web Witnesses in one of Ulan Baator's biggest McDonald's "restaurants" have attested to seeing an 8 foot mascot dressed in the Sino-friendly version of Ronald McD...
Read full storyNeil Young to change his name to "Neil Old"
Iconic rocker Neil Young has recently told Rolling Stone Magazine that he wishes to change his name to "Neil Old". "It makes sense," justified the almost seventy year old rocker from Canada. "I think it will bring me closer to my fans," he stated...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Complains About Dwindling Number of Ways to Shock Audiences
San Francisco - At a recent concert stop at the "City by the Bay", pop nuisance Miley Cyrus whined that it's getting too hard to shock audiences at her shows these days and that Madonna and Lady Gaga have racked up most of the good shock value over t...
Read full storyGM Recalls Every Car They Ever Made
Millions of GM car owners got a big surprise in their mailbox this week, a recall notice informing them that their, Caprice, Colbart, Corvair, Vega, Chevette, Corvette, Trailblazer, Suburban, Yukon, Malibu or any other GM car ever made is a death tra...
Read full storyNASA predicts Richard Branson's space travel pipe dream will bomb
Washington DC - Wannabe astronut Richard Branson is a complete charlatan whose daft Virgin Intergalactic Corp should be renamed Vergin' on the Ridiculous according to a NASA memo published this week. The world's premier space agency reckons decade...
Read full storyGodzilla Supports Gay Marriage
Superstar Godzilla recently sat down with Starpower's Lisa Lenard and when she asked him about gay marriage a pretty chill Godzilla says he totally supports it. "Look, I'm the last guy that should be denying anyone anything. I mean, when I come...
Read full storyKayne and Kim's baby has "reverse zoolander syndrome."
In a bizarre revelation, it was um, revealed today that the baby of Rap Baron Kayne West and former porn star Kim Kardashian has been diagnosed with "Reverse Zoolander Syndrome." A distort Kim carried her baby who is named "North West" accompanied...
Read full storySnyder to Change Team Name, Place Self in Coma
In a move experts say was inevitable, Daniel Snyder, owner of the NFL Washington Redskins, announced today that the team is changing its name; it will now be known as the Washington "White Devil Who Speaks with Forked Tongue Scalpers" a move cheered...
Read full storyGerry Adams 'butchered and ate missing champion racehorse Shergar' according to leprechaun super grass
Co Antrim, N Ireland - Former IRA thug turned Global Piss Process luminary Gerry Adams remains in custody tonight as Northern Irish police turn on the thumbscrews about his tastes in equine stuff. Adams, 69, was arrested Wednesday night following...
Read full storySupreme Court Rules to Include Ten Commandments in Federal Jury Instructions
One-upping its recent ruling allowing public prayers before town meetings in Greece, New York, the Supreme Court voted 5-4 to include the Ten Commandments in federal criminal jury instructions. Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote for the majority, "It d...
Read full storyRedskins Change Name To Cowboys, Hope To Become "Native America's Team"
SNYDER'S LAST STAND, LANDOVER, MARYLAND -- Responding to continuing criticism of racial insensitivity, Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder has announced the franchise has changed its nickname to the Cowboys. "There, happy now! The best thing i...
Read full storyNew York Times review of Greenwald's book wins the We Came, We Saw, He Died award honoring duty in government service
The New York Times and Michael Kinsley have won this year's prestigious award honoring journalists in government service. Mr. Kinsley's review of Glenn Greenwald's recently released No Place to Hide, an account of Edward Snowden's role in exposing...
Read full storyDollars or Pounds? Study Shows Weight Proportional to Dollars Spent on Fitness
The fitness industry is a huge marketplace, drawing countless Americans - a full two-thirds of whom are overweight - into spending billions of dollars annually in the hopes of becoming healthier, fitter, or simply less fat. Unfortunately for health-h...
Read full storyPhil Collins Admits Genesis "Not the First Rock Band Created"
London - Recording superstar and former front man for the band known as Genesis, Phil Collins, admitted this week that the band was not the first rock band created, despite their name correlating with the name of the first book in the Bible. Respo...
Read full storyTevez Missing World Cup: His Choice!
Paper bag supermodel Carlos Tevez is missing the World Cup Finals, not because Argentina Coach Alejandro Sabella didn't choose him, but because he has decided to quit football and return to his first love of acting. Carlos Tevez, best known in the...
Read full storyRussia Invades Atlanta: Putin Denies Russia Involved
Atlanta, GA - Yesterday, Russian military forces invaded the city of Atlanta, GA, in what Russia says is a simple map error. There is a country named Georgia that shares a border with Russia on the north, and Turkey on the west. The country of G...
Read full storyNew York Times nominated as State Department's official representative on Ukraine and elsewhere
Vice President Joe Biden's office has confirmed that The New York Times has now been given official status as a spokesperson for US government interests, supplementing the role of White House spokesperson Jay Carney. According to a member of Mr. B...
Read full storyGirl In Tight Short Skirt, Fish Net Stockings and Low Cut Top Tired Of 'Sleazy Men' Constantly Hitting On Her
Nightclubs can be dreadful places for young women. The pathetic pick up lines, the dirty grinding, the ogling eyes of libidinous men. Tracey Crawford is one example of the many female victims that suffer from the crowd of horny young guys every Satur...
Read full story$camatology Leader Has Built Gigantic Ideal Org in North Korea
CLEARWATER, FL. The leader, or "pope" of $camatology has announced that a giant "Ideal Org," a giant church for the Church of $camatology, has been built by the inhabitants of one of the North Korean labor camps in North Korea's capital city, Pyongya...
Read full storyJohn Boehner Found Mummified in Tanning Bed
Washington D.C. - Speaker of the House, John Boehner, known for his orange hue and lack of spine when it comes to politics, was found this weekend in a dried-out, mummified state inside a tanning bed at a local salon. The Republican congressman fr...
Read full storyPETA Receives $100M Donation From McDonald's In Exchange For Endorsement
Norfolk, VA - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or, PETA, received a $100M donation from the McDonald's Corporation in exchange for a gentlemen's agreement that PETA will feature McDonald's menu items in PETA's advertising campaigns. Mc...
Read full storyUKIP Win Historic Victory In European Elections; 90% of London Restaurants To Close
"The dream has become a reality" "The penny has dropped" "We are now the third force in British politics". Champagne was pouring down the throats of UKIP members last night as a historic victory in the European elections boosted them by 11 M...
Read full storyStrapped for cash billionaire hedge fund manager hocks a few Picassos, etc, to Goldman Sux
Off-The-Wall Street, NYC - One of the artworks is believed to be the insanely rare and wildly expensive El Greco rendition of Christ Throwing The Money Lenders From The Temple according to Plumeberg Artworld news reports today. The painting is sai...
Read full storyBeing a cross dresser is traditional
Recently, transgender and transvestite (hereafter called trans) individuals have been lambasted by so-called Christian sects in the US as being against God, and yet, proof has emerged that being a cross dresser pre-dates Jesus. "It's in the old te...
Read full storyMixed-Species Kardashian Birth Feted; Kim Plus Donkey Equals Kimkey
DEEP, DEEP INSIDE THE KARDASHIAN COMPOUND, HOLLYWOOD -- It's being called a wonder of nature as a mixed-species newborn known as a kimkey is being cared for at the Kardashian family compound. The marvel is the result of a one-nighter (well, an all...
Read full storyDonald Sterling and Paula Deen Announce Merger
Donald Sterling, alleged racist and owner of The Los Angeles Clippers and Paula Deen, alleged racist and owner of over 200 heart attack inducing recipes are set to announce a new franchise that will encompass sports and food. In a joint statement...
Read full storyTimes Square Rocked by Woman's Act of Walking Up Fully Functioning Escalator
Yesterday morning during rush hour, New Yorkers in Times Square subway station panicked when svelte middle-aged Brooklynite Bernice Shaw walked up the entire 20-plus steps of a fully functioning escalator. Many (literal) bystanders immediately used t...
Read full storyGojira Grants Interview on Suit Against Movie Studio
Hollywood, Ca. (STT Entertainment News) After making a huge opening splash on the US cinema scene, the new version of Godzilla has now bumped into something of a monster of a problem; a very expensive lawsuit. Filed in the US District Court in Los...
Read full storyPink Floyd to Release Children's Bedtime Book: Dark Side of the Mattress
London - After decades of churning out original, trippy, bizarre and beautiful music and selling kazillions of albums, Pink Floyd have announced they intend to release a children's book this summer. Titled, "Dark Side of the Mattress", the book p...
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