Whether it was a case of nervous agitation and uncontrolled excitement, or the direct result of an earlier-consumed over-ripe curry hasn't yet been ascertained, but the upshot of some or all of the above was that one lovestruck Englishman was today counting the cost of taking a dump whilst his girlfriend - on her first visit to his residence - sat waiting in the next room.
Moys Kenwood, 50, originally from Hull in East Yorkshire, had been eagerly awaiting the arrival of his love interest, but when she eventually turned up, nervousness got the better of his bowel, and he was forced to excuse himself in a bathroomly direction.
Several grunts and groans later, and the appointment was in tatters, as a stool of gargantuan proportions lay stranded on the porcelain slope of the host's lavatory. Attempts to flush, push, kick and even strangle what Roger Mellie's Profanisaurus would have described as the Dreadnought were in vain, and Kenwood was forced to abandon his janitorial japes, and leave the offensive offender beached with its snout poking around the U-bend.
As a ghastly aroma wafted femaleward, the unsuspecting fraulein furrowed her brow in apparent incomprehension, and made for the exit in double-quick time.
A disappointed Kenwood later admitted:
"It might have been better if I'd nipped my cheeks in, and waited until she'd got clear of the building, but how was I to know it was a chocolate iceberg*?"
* Chocolate iceberg/ noun / Hullspeak for a deceptively large, oversized turd, four-fifths of which lies beneath the surface of the water.