New Study: Fat Bottomed Girls May Not 'Make the Rockin' World Go Round' After All

Funny story written by E. Williams

Friday, 2 May 2014

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Ithaca, NY - After years of tireless research at Cornell University, professors have released a study that brings into question the long-accepted fact the late great Freddie Mercury, from the rock band Queen, proclaimed to the world - Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round.

For decades, scientists went along with the wisdom that Mr. Mercury espoused in his song of the same name. But recently, many in the field of physics and astronomy have begun quietly questioning whether the lyrics are actually true in the real world or not.

"I've been a firm believer since I was a teenage boy," Head of the Earth Sciences Dept. at Cornell, Teddy Venus, stated. "From the first time I heard that song all those years ago it just made sense and felt right. Now that I'm a professor, however, I also have to look at the science. Is there a relationship between booty size and the rotation of the earth? I wish I had a quick answer for that."

While it's true that fat bottomed girls have been a godsend to mankind throughout the ages, do they really make the rockin' world go round or simply make the world a better place to live in?

"That's a tough one," Physics professor Mark Jupiter commented. "If we could only conduct some further experiments. For instance, if all the ladies with wide loads were to go to one side of the planet at the same time, would it affect the spinning motion on the axis? Would it cause the planet to twerk on its axis? I don't know."

Steve Saturn, a professor of the College of Rock and Roll Knowledge said, "Years from now, Freddie Mercury may be looked back on as the Galileo of the 20th century. But for now, the controversy continues as to whether the amount of cushion in a woman's tush does or does not affect the rotations of our nations."

One thing all the researchers we talked with agreed on: The earth was definitely a rockin' world while Freddie was here.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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