Gwyneth Paltrow Fitted for Muzzle, Treated for Diarrhea of the Mouth

Written by E. Williams

Friday, 30 May 2014

Los Angeles, CA - Some people don't know when to shut up. Such is the case with actress Gwyneth Paltrow. Her mouth has gotten her in hot water with critics again and, this time, drastic measures have been taken to prevent further asinine comments on her part.

Paltrow has been fitted with a muzzle that she must wear when conducting interviews and will have to use sign language to communicate with each interviewer OR she will have to make a series of clicking noises like a dolphin and a trainer from Sea World will have to translate for her. It will be her choice.

Gwynie first got into hot water when tweeting racial slurs from a Jay-Z concert that she later tried to clarify. Next, she spewed forth her condescending views of the average working woman compared to the rigorous lifestyle of the rich and famous super celebrity that she suffers through on a daily basis.

Most recently, she compared dealing with negative online comments directed at her to being in war. Needless to say, the comments haven't won her any new friends.

Because of the repeated, never thought out, remarks by the actress, the spoiled-rotten narcissist was also fitted with a filter in her brain and given anti-diarrheal medication for her mouth.

In addition, Paltrow will have to have every tweet she writes triple checked by her personal editor and screened for stupidity by a focus group before she can send it out to her adoring fans.

Let's hope she doesn't read this article. It would take her right back to the battlefield.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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