PETA Receives $100M Donation From McDonald's In Exchange For Endorsement

Written by Catchthisdrift

Thursday, 29 May 2014

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Ronald McDonald's retarded brother Ricky: "They don't let me out of the box much."

Norfolk, VA - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or, PETA, received a $100M donation from the McDonald's Corporation in exchange for a gentlemen's agreement that PETA will feature McDonald's menu items in PETA's advertising campaigns.

McDonald's (MCD: NYSE) CEO Donald Thompson said the alliance was "a perfect fit." Said Thompson, "Both McDonald's and PETA will get a lot of benefit from this agreement. Obviously, PETA gets our one hundred million dollar donation. In exchange, they agree to endorse our food and feature some of our menu items in their advertising."

Thompson continued, "Everyone knows most of the members of PETA are celebrities and other whack-o liberal wing-nuts with way too much time and money on their hands. We need those people throwing their cash at us. What else are they going to do with it, buy more hemp clothes?"

Many people were surprised by the agreement and posted questioning and angry comments on PETA's Facebook page and numerous blogs across the internet. In response PETA issued a corporate statement that addressed the alliance.

"PETA is proud to announce our alliance with one of the world's largest and best recognized brands, McDonald's. Lest our members question our judgment, please rest assured PETA did not enter into this agreement lightly. Our research staff spent many months analyzing McDonald's food. Everyone on the research team joined in a unanimous conclusion - there are no meat or meat by-products in McDonald's food. None."

In an internal email that was leaked to the public, a PETA executive said "We feel good about the arrangement. Come on, the hundred million dollars is niiiiiiiiiiice! And we honestly didn't find any meat in Micky D's food. Now, we did wonder what the hell was in there. What IS that food made of? But, who cares. It ain't meat and that's all we care about, am I right?? But seriously, what is that stuff?"

Advertising industry analysts speculated on how PETA would include the McDonald's food in their advertising. Said one analyst "I guess they could have that naked chick eating a Big Mac. That would add a level of innuendo, huh? Naked chick - Big Mac. BIIIIIIG Mac. I don't know. I might skip meat for day to see that."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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