United Launch Alliance and Russia Claim NASA

Written by Frank Michaels

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

image for United Launch Alliance and Russia Claim NASA
Russian-made rockets the ULA depends upon

Orlando, Cuba - The United Launch Alliance (ULA), a monopolistic joining of Boeing and Lockheed that is wholly dependent on Russian rockets, has stepped from the closet and taken sides with their suppliers.

Speaking at a media resource event in Orlando, ULA Chairman, Ivan Dooyunow put it very clearly, "The United States is no longer a world leader in space flight and the nation, as a whole, no longer capable of daily survival without the help of nations like China and Russia. It is, therefore, the position of the ULA to first, shut down SpaceX's efforts with their horrid Dragon spacecraft and to see its capitalist pig leader, Elon Musk, immediately detained to an undisclosed location."

NASA spokesperson, Elanna Grabyurpubik, addressed reporters next by adding, "America knows it is now a second-level country and its president... a very wonderful man, has eagerly followed each round of moving the US from being at the top of the spaceflight pyramid to a place much lower and more suited to her future in this world."

While all of this was happening, Elon Musk and SpaceX were busy retrieving their latest Dragon capsule in its return from the now 'Russian' Space Station. Mr Musk, when learning of the ULA press report, had no comment except to point to his Dragon spacecraft on the large video screen behind him and then offer a big smile.

When this video reached Washington, White House spokesperson, Jay Carnoffski, simply turned away and threw his Vodka bottle at the reporters waiting for a comment.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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