Strapped for cash billionaire hedge fund manager hocks a few Picassos, etc, to Goldman Sux

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 8 May 2014

image for Strapped for cash billionaire hedge fund manager hocks a few Picassos, etc, to Goldman Sux
The pictures are held in Cohen's Monet, Monet, Monet! Art portfolio

Off-The-Wall Street, NYC - One of the artworks is believed to be the insanely rare and wildly expensive El Greco rendition of Christ Throwing The Money Lenders From The Temple according to Plumeberg Artworld news reports today.

The painting is said to have been pledged for a few hundred million dollars amid claims US banking giant Goldman Sux is acting as pawnbroker to beleaguered New York hedgie Steve Cohen.

"The Off-the-Wall Street giant slipped him a few billion bucks on the back of four Picassos, two Monets and an early Andy Warhol depiction of Elvis Presley," a New York Toast art editor commented this morning confirming details of the deal.

Cohen, former CEO of the now defunct $14bn SAC Capital trading arm, saw his hedge fund closed down by the Feds last November following a criminal insider trading guilty plea that cost him some $1.8bn in fines.

Barred from managing outside capital the trader has since regrouped in a new venture managing just his own personal portfolio, estimated by the Forbes That's Rich! List as worth around nine billion dollars.

Much of that asset base stems from his art collection that includes Monet, Picasso, Jackson Pollox, Jasper Johns, Jeff Koons, Damien Hirst, Willem de Kooning, Francis Bacon and of course Warhol.

Cohen has about six months to redeem the pledged artworks or face the mother of all Goldman Sux garage sales.

A total of $2.5bn is involved.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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