There were 446 spoof news stories published in July 2013. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Taylor Swift's Next Breakup Song Could Be About Matthew Gray Gubler
DETROIT - Taylor Swift performed a benefit concert at The Carburetor Coliseum with all of the proceeds going to the city of Detroit, which has just filed for bankruptcy. After the concert she was asked by Calcutta Cotton with Music Moments Magazin...
Read full storyJane Austen Visits Bookstore in NYC's Grand Central Terminal
Furious upon learning that her likeness would appear on 10-pound Bank of England notes, Ms. Austen determined she would take action to express her displeasure. "Kinda cheap," Jane reportedly complained, spreading the word that she had expected...
Read full storyColorado Bear Gripes About Bad Experience in Local Bar
When the bear visited the bar in question (see "Bear Walks Into A Bar: 300-Pound Colorado Black Bear Eludes Patrons" in the International Business Times), he didn't receive much of a welcome. In fact, there was no welcome at all! In an exclusiv...
Read full storyIf you Have a Food Allergy, Tell Your Server...Or Not
Whenever I see the universal sign about food allergies in a restaurant, I'm tempted to add the words "Or Not." You see, here's the thing. When you tell the server, you tell everyone else within hearing distance. And that may not be smart. What if a disgruntled neighbor is sitting nearby? A neighbor who feels you crossed her property line many times without permission while you worked on y...
Read full storyNASA Announces GO BLUE Initiative
If you think this has to do with the University of Michigan, think again. No way! Instead, the GO BLUE Initiative involves NASA's doing just about everything possible to foster the natural "blueness" of a very special planet, HD 189733b. (Read...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Very Upset With The Olsen Twins
NASHVILLE - Close friends of country artist Taylor Swift say that Taylor is so mad at the Olsen twins that she could eat a handful of nuts and bolts. It appears that Mary-Kate and Ashley co-wrote a song about one of Ashley's ex-boyfriends, Johnny...
Read full storyWell-Endowed Bikini Mom Kicked Out of A Water Park For Being Too Voluptuously Sexy!
INDEPENDENCE, Missouri - A 42-year-old woman identified as Madeline Schaffer took her 14-year-old daughter to The Shiver Me Timbers Water Park in Independence. Schaffer said that she and her little girl were having a fantastic time when all of a s...
Read full storyDog The Bounty Hunter Tells President Obama He'll Capture Edward Snowden and Bring Him Back To The USA
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Duane Chapman, who is better known as Dog The Bounty Hunter, met with President Obama at a special White House barbecue in honor of Duane and his buxom wife Beth. The president and Chapman both traded stories about capturing bon...
Read full storyBaphomet
"To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and ''there''! - Sarah Michelle Gellar Although some contend that Baphomet is a Marvel Comics super-villain, Baphomet is really the demon of parties and partygoers west of the Mississippi. As such, he (or she) is often depicted at parties in Las Vegas, Hollyweird, and various family nudist camps in Arizona and New Mexico, and some Oregonians inc...
Read full storyA List of Governor Chris Christie's 12 Favorite Foods
There is perhaps no politician in the United States who enjoys eating more than Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey. Governor Christie adheres to the adage popularized by 70s musical icon David Crosby who said on many occasions that he had never met food that he did not like. The New Jersey governor has revealed that he weighs 351 pounds and chuckles that about 198 pounds is water weight.
Read full storyThe True Story of Marvel Comics' Dr. Doom
Dr. Doom--his very name spells disaster. Not surprisingly, this gray-armored, green-robed, hoodie-clad supervillain remains one of Marvel Comics' most popular bad guys ever--so popular, in fact, that he is often soon retired after appearing, for an issue of two, usually in The Fantastic Four, the comic book that showcased his origin, for fear that he will eclipse the superheroes he fights. Not the...
Read full storyAnimal Rights Group Wants Niagara Falls Fixed
NORFOLK, Virginia - Well the animal rights people are up in arms again and this time it is all about Niagara Falls. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have stated that they have just had an independent research study firm complete an...
Read full storyNSA spy Snowden to star in reality show: An American in Transit
MOSCOW - NSA secrets leaker Edward Snowden may not have to worry about money for awhile. Venevisión, one of Venezuela's largest television networks, has signed Snowden to a reality show deal that will highlight Snowden's highs and lows in the transit...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Denies She Visited A Nudist Colony
CALABASAS, California - Several entertainment news publications and news shows are reporting that Kate Gosselin star of the cancelled reality shows Jon and Kate Plus 8 and later Kate Plus 8 was seen in the area of Southern California's infamous Skin...
Read full storyRandy Mastro plays hardball with EU over Ecuador pollution racket
New York - It could be game, set and match to the lead attorney in Chevron's impending RICO racketeering suit against a ragbag of Ecuadorean pollution scam fraudsters and their corrupt litigation backers. Randy Mastro, hugely successful former mob...
Read full storyRolling Stones Album Burning Protest Vexes Mick Jagger
Rolling Stones lead singer Mick Jagger is said to be "horrified" after a small town in Alabama organized a "Burn Your Rolling Stones Albums" event last night in response to a request from the town's Mayor Buddy Horn, in response to what he believed...
Read full storyNew Diet Involves Counting
We've been told to count calories if we want to control our weight. But now we need to do even more counting, according to a new weight control strategy recommended by the specialist counting agency Counts 'R'Us. They say that if we expend exactly...
Read full storyThe term 'Smart Phone' is no longer acceptable
After a meeting at the World Technology Conference in Milan, mobile cell phone companies are urging customers to stop using the phrase 'smart phone' to describe touch screen phones. "These phones are pretty smart," said Nokia boss, Samuel Sung. "H...
Read full storyA List of 10 Little Known Facts About Paula Deen
Paula Deen's Southern Fried Cooking World has collapsed around her quicker than a pile of Taco-Flavored Doritos around Kirstie Alley. Deen has learned a pretty hard to swallow lesson about what the politically correct world of today will allow and will not allow. And the ironic thing about it is she used a word; the "N" word that thousands of people use on a daily basis [i.e. rap singers, hi...
Read full storyGeorge Zimmerman to be tapped to head the NYPD
New York City -- Lame duck Mayor Michael Bloomberg is working to install neighborhood watch favorite George Zimmerman as the city's next Police Commissioner. "Think of this as my going away present to the city," said Bloomberg, who will be out o...
Read full storySexy Tennis Player Agnieszka Radwanska Poses In Nude Magazine and Catches Hell From Her Church
NEW YORK CITY - The world's 4th ranked women's tennis player, Agnieszka Radwanska, is causing quite a storm. Sporting Chance Magazine is reporting that the stunningly gorgeous Polish tennis player has just been banned from her church, Our Lady of...
Read full storyPaula Deen Admits She Once Threw An Empty Dixie Cup In The Parking Lot of A Captain Cluckity Cluck Cluck's Chicken Shack
SAVANNAH, Georgia - Paula Deen says that it looks like before it's all over she may have to end up selling her beloved Cornbread Acres Estates in Savannah, Georgia. Deen was interviewed by Vodka Vermicelli with the iRumors News Agency and the 66-y...
Read full storyNorth Korea's Kim Jong Un Tells Russia's Vladimir Putin He Will Take Edward Snowden Off His Hands
PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korea's Rice Paddy Whack National News Agency has just given the Russian leader Vladimir Putin a message. Kim Jong Un has officially stated that he is willing to send a military cargo plane to pick up the infamous NS...
Read full storyFOX News Wants To Hire George Zimmerman
NEW YORK CITY - Political Salad Bar Magazine is reporting that a top executive at FOX News has stated that he wants to hire George Zimmerman to be a roving consultant for the news network. Bancroft P. Dapplindip, 83, who is the senior executive di...
Read full story'Ditch The Orange Panties' new coach Connors tells Maria Sharapova
Blushing Meadows, NY - The Russian four-time Grand Slam winner has appointed her fiercest on-court sartorial critic as training coach ahead of next month's tilt at the US Open. Announcing the hiring of eight-time Grand Slam champ Jimmy Connors, 60...
Read full storyStacy Keibler The Latest Sexy Celebrity To Make The Upskirt Gallery
HOLLYWOOD - Stacy Keibler has made it quite clear to boyfriend George Clooney that she wants to walk down the aisle and become Mrs. George Clooney before the end of the year. Clooney, who has been a bachelor longer than David Crosby has been overw...
Read full storyNASCAR's Danica Patrick Wants To Be Admired For Her Racing Ability and Not For Her Body
TARZANA - Danica Patrick flew into Tarzana to do some on the track promotional commercials at the world famous Gary Busey International Speedway. While at the track she was interviewed by Buckaroo Kazoo with The Turnstile Review. He asked her how...
Read full storyStacy Keibler Announces She May Get Back Into Wrestling
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Stacy Keibler was at the General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana Airport in Cabo San Lucas when she was approached by a reporter for The Cabo San Lucas Morning Olé News. Polo Del Matador asked Keibler, who recently ended her tw...
Read full storyGeorge Zimmerman Has Been Asked To Appear On Dancing With The Stars
SANFORD, Florida - Executives of several television shows including The View, Piers Morgan Tonight, The Viagra View, and Dancing With The Stars have all reportedly contacted George Zimmerman about appearing on their shows. The information comes fr...
Read full storyThe true origins of Marvel Comic's Human Torch
Hot-headed teen Johnny Storm rode his future brother-in-law's crotch rocket through what Reed Richards said was a stream of "cosmic rays" but which, in the comic book sequence during which this scene occurs, off-screen, so to speak, in shadows, beneath a full room, amid wine and roses, looks much like gobs of Richards' ejaculate. The experience changed both partners forever, as it did onlookers...
Read full storyThe Aaron Hernandez Bobblehead Dolls - The Good News and The Bad News
CHICAGO - The Hasbroken Toy Company that manufactures the Aaron Hernandez Bobblehead Doll has just made an announcement regarding the ex-New England Patriots player. Company spokesperson, Zandreeka LaSheena Lovecake, 29, said that they will be rec...
Read full storyReclusive owner of world's newest, biggest, fastest superyacht 'lives in Long Island'
New York - David Geffen, Paul Allen, Larry Ellison, eat yer hearts out; the mystery owner of the world's latest, biggest, fastest, most expensive motor yacht ever built is a notoriously low-profile Big Oil tycoon resident on Long Island. And he's...
Read full storyPaula Deen's Husband Is Thinking About Moving To Afghanistan
SAVANNAH, Georgia - The Paula Deen Three Ring Circus continues to go on and on and on. After losing dozens of her sponsors and advertisers as well as her show, the Southern cooking gal has just fired her agent. Deen said that she feels that he...
Read full storySnowden whistles a new tune: different chimes for different crimes
Sheremetyevo Airport, Moscow -- In an attempt to clarify his future whistle-blowing revelations, former NSA contract spy Edward Snowden has devised a music-based notification system in support of whistle blowers worldwide. The innovation musical...
Read full storyGiant Squid colony in annual shagging frenzy at Antarctica's Lake Vostok
South Pole - Cameramen from the World Wildlife Fun charity disguised as mermen have filmed a unique marine love-in by a colony of Giant Squid in a subterranean lake 4km below Antarctica's ice sheet. Up to 500 of the massive tentacled beasties hav...
Read full storyWeiner's 'Carlos Danger' Ready to Rescue America
New York City -- Carlos Danger, an anti-hero created by mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, is poised to get the nation moving again. His mission is to serve as America's super scapegoat, accepting the blame for all that is wrong with the USA. "One...
Read full storyObama Caught on Open Mike, Again!
Evoking an eerie sense of déjà vu, the President was once again caught seemingly unaware that he was speaking into an open microphone, apparently concealed beneath his omnipresent teleprompter. "Democrats will be killed in the mid-terms, once busines...
Read full storyPaula Deen's Marriage Is On The Rocks
SAVANNAH, Georgia - Just when it seemed that things could not get any worse for the Southern cooking gal, now comes word that her husband is thinking of filing for divorce. According to Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors, Mr. Paula Deen (Michael Groove...
Read full storyGary Busey Says He Wants To Sell His Authentic Spaceship
LOS ANGELES - Gary Busey has said that he is not as dumb as people think but he is as smart as people don't know. The man that Donald Trump called a highly intelligent BS artist of the first magnitude has an IQ of 173. Busey is so gifted mental...
Read full storyOutrage As British Royals Name Baby After George Zimmerman
WASHINGTON - The Rev. Al Sharpton announced Friday that he will lead a national "Lets Bomb England day" in 100 cities this weekend in protest at what he claims is the British Royal Families blatant naming the future King after Floridian stand you...
Read full storyNASA Wants The Stolen Neil Armstrong Moon Suit Returned
HOUSTON - NASA spokeswoman Venus Misty Cuddlefuddle, 51, has said that NASA is very upset that someone was so brazen as to steal the moon space suit that Neil Armstrong wore when he became the first person to set foot on the moon. Mrs. Cuddlefuddl...
Read full storyTravis Goes Bananas!!!
OK, I have a confession to make: I think I'm a bad person. Not "Battlefield Earth" bad, but bad enough. What has driven me to all this self-flagellation? What could cause such dark introspection and self recrimination? The answer is simple - a crazy chimpanzee. I still can't stop thinking about the former celebrity chimpanzee who went nuts. How could a story about a former celebrity chimp wh...
Read full storyLocal Trucker Breaks Space-Time Continuum
Tom Johnson, a truck driver from Smelling, WI, was given a particularly rough quota from his boss last week. He was supposed to pick up a load in Augusta, Maine, and deliver it to San Francisco. Once in San Francisco, he was supposed to take another...
Read full storyErotica: How to Know It When You See It
According to some, erotica is what women, who lack the balls to refer to it by its real name, call pornography. However, they contend that erotica differs from porn in that it is ofter, warmer, fuzzier, and feels better on the lips and tongue than pornography tends to feel. Characteristics Some individuals also contend that a number of its characteristics further define erotica, distingu...
Read full storyAnthony Weiner: "My only sin---I didn't Bogart my Joint."
At a joint press conference with his wife this morning, Anthony Weiner took the podium with a defiant and aggressive tone in his voice: "My only sin---I didn't Bogart my Joint!" As journalists looked at each other in amazement and a few guffawe...
Read full storyBritney Spears Upskirt Shot Causes Quite a Stir At The La Brea Tar Pits
LA BREA - There is probably no celebrity in Hollywood who knows how to work an upskirt shot any better than Britney Spears. Bedroom Pillow Talk's Gazebo Serengeti, who has covered Spears for many years, reports that when it comes to getting out of...
Read full storyPaula Deen Launches 'The Suicide Watch Cookbook'
Savannah, Georgia -- Ex-celebrity chef Paula Deen has placed another success on the bestseller list. The work is called "The Suicide Watch Cookbook: Dining And Dying." "A suicide watch can be a tremendous waste of time, if you don't plan ahead,"...
Read full storyLong, protracted human suffering key to economy - Japan Finance Minister
"For too long our economy has suffered under the shadow of happiness and well being" proclaimed Japanese Finance Minister Taro Aso at the official launch of the new Suffering for Prosperity committee. The committee was formed earlier this month a...
Read full storyBoogers: they're finger-lickin' good!
"Booger" (also "boogie") is the polite name for snot, a free, delicious, nutritious emergency ration produced, without fanfare, by the nasal mucosa in such abundance that individuals swallow approximately 3.48 gallons per day without realizing it. Boogers are made up of mucin, water, cells, and inorganic salts. Depending upon the size of the serving, a single helping may contain from 10 to 40 c...
Read full storyHollyweird's hottest: Selma Blair
Selma Beitner (aka Batsheva), whose screen name is Selma Blair because (1) "Blair" sounds better than "Beitner," (2) she wants to hide her Jewish heritage ("'Blair' sounds less offensively Anglo," she says), has starred in one or two blockbusters, but she is not adverse to accepting roles in independent films or even art-house trash when the meatier roles are not forthcoming. Her "versatility," sh...
Read full storyGeorge Zimmerman to make millions in endorsements
Fantasyland, Florida -- Who says crime doesn't pay? Neighborhood watch hitman George Zimmerman is lining up dozens of lucrative endorsements now that he's a free man. Most involve products designed to make the night watch a little more comfortable an...
Read full storyArizona's Prisons Are Overcrowded - Sheriff Joe Arpaio Says He Has A Damn Good Plan
MESA, Arizona - Maricopa County Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio is the self-proclaimed toughest sheriff in the entire United States including Alaska. The 81-year-old lawman is noted for making his prisoners dress up in pink jumpsuits, pink socks, pink...
Read full storyHollyweird's Hottest: Amanda Bearse
Transsexual lesbian Amanda Bearse has been called lots of names, including "actress," "director," and "comedienne," but the first four letters of her first name, which is given only in the sense that she gave it to herself, says it all: Amanda is "a man." Transsexual lesbian? What's that? Technically, now that she has completed sex-change surgery, she is a transwoman (a man who becomes a "wo...
Read full storyKathy Griffin Dispels The Stacy Keibler Lesbian Rumors
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Kathy Griffin performed before a full house at West Holly's Laughing Beaver Comedy Club. After her final set of the night she spoke backstage with Vokda Vermicelli of iRumors. She was asked if she had mended her feud with talk...
Read full storyBeyonce Tells Rihanna To Cool It With The Tattoos
LOS ANGELES - Rihanna has always said that she greatly admires Beyonce and she considers her to be a big sister, but big sister is very angry with her Caribbean little sista. It seems that Beyonce has noticed that Ri-Ri is getting carried away in...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Blames His 21 Pound Weight Gain On Hot Dogs
NEW YORK CITY - Brad Pitt said that the tremendous stress that he has gone through the past two weeks has caused him to eat like a thoroughbred racehorse. And as a result he has gained a whopping 21 pounds which he blames mostly on his addiction t...
Read full storyNASCAR'S Danica Patrick Challenges Kyle Petty To An Arm-Wrestling Match
SPARTA, Kentucky - Danica Patrick is still very angry with the way she was treated by Kyle Petty, the 53-year-old racing has-been as she and Madonna refer to the arrogant son of the legendary racer Richard Petty. Kyle made a drama queen-like remar...
Read full storyElton John Wants To Be Kate and William's New Baby's Godfather
NEW YORK CITY - Elton John was in New York City shopping for a certain brand of boa that is only sold in the Big Apple. As he was shopping he was asked by Ashburn Wasabi with The Right Coast Revue what he thought about William and Kate's new baby...
Read full storyBaby sibling joy for Justin Bieber as Princess Kate pops sprog
New York - News that his birth mother Kate Middleton is in labor has thrilled the 19 year-old entertainer as he prepares to fly to London to check out what the stork's just brought up - er...delivered! Bieber's own birth ancestry is shrouded in ma...
Read full storyPresident Obama Considering Leasing Out Air Force One To The Kardashian Family
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has been advised by a group of his advisers to consider leasing out Air Force One as a means of bringing in some much needed revenue. Vice-President Joe Biden who met with the advisers noted that 90 percent of th...
Read full storyCover Up About Black Hole At Large Hadron Colider
There has been a massive cover up about a black hole at the Large.Hadron.Colider. as far the World knows it is having essential maintenance. When Scientists discovered the Higgs Bosum they also at the same time created a black hole. A top scien...
Read full storyTexas Republicans: Storks Bring Babies
AUSTIN TX (AP) In addition to passing controversial abortion legislation, the Republican ruled Texas house of representatives added two new amendments just prior to the final vote. Learning from North Carolina, there was no debate. Both amendment...
Read full storyDolphins call each other dirty names
HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a report today that supports the long-suspected assumption that dolphins were really mean deep down inside. "Calling each other names is just the beginning," said Jan Vincent, instructor of marine scie...
Read full storyDanica Patrick, NASCAR's Darling, Considering Appearing In A Fresh Magazine Spread
LA BREA, California - NASCAR race car driver Danica Patrick was having dinner with an old high school girlfriend at The La Brea Tar Pits Diner when talk got around to drag racer Courtney Force. Danica's friend, Brandy Sue Hickerhouser, told her ab...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Receives A Message About His Spitting From Mafia Boss Salvatore Goombalini
BROOKLYN - Salvatore Goombalini, head of one of New York's biggest crime family's, has heard about Justin Bieber's penchant for going around spitting on people. In the latest of half a dozen saliva incidents, Bieber stood on a hotel balcony and sp...
Read full storyPrince William Torn Between A Rock and A Hard Place
NEW YORK CITY - Prince William recently flew to New York City to visit with a publishing company about a book that he has been asked to write. While in America, William met with Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Coast Revue. The two had lunch at The...
Read full storyPresident Obama Receives A Fantastic Trade Offer For Edward Snowden From Russian President Putin
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama had just gotten off the phone with George Clooney when he was approached by Vice-President Joe Biden. The vice-president informed him that he had just received a text message from Russian President Vladimir Putin...
Read full storyWeiner's Wiener Reports The News
This is Anthony Weiner's Wiener reporting from New York. We seem to have misplaced our communications director and campaign manager, so I'll take over those roles starting now. Item 1. Bill and Hillary paid us a visit last night. They were not too...
Read full storyDwyane Wade May Leave The Miami Heat For The Los Angeles Lakers
MIAMI - Dwyane Wade says that he is thrilled that he has finally gotten the divorce mess behind him. Wade spoke with Rufus Reno of Sports Balls Illustrated Daily at a Miami Burger Bandit and told him that the stress from his ex-wife Siohvaughn has...
Read full storyHollyweird's hottest: Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Love Hewitt came to fame when she starred in the TV sitcom Partying with Five, in which she played Sarah Reeves Marin, a promiscuous teen tart. She also raised eyebrows (and male appendages) as Julie James in the 1997 motion picture I Know What My Breasts Did Last Summer. Her curvaceous body--she has an amazing rack!--made it clear that she had "grown" considerably, both as an actress and...
Read full storyPolish vampire grave could spell end of Pope John Paul II sainthood bid
Wadowice, Poland - An archaeological dig under Karol Wojtyla's family home in Poland has turned up remains of a vampire mausoleum where many of the late Pope's relatives are believed to be buried. Geologists working on the 13th century site found...
Read full storyPope's remarks panic Purgatory
Vatican City -- An offer by Pope Francis to reduce Purgatory time for Catholics who embrace the "miracle of social media" has led to a massive and sudden selloff of real estate in Purgatory. As a result, prices for Purgatory condos have been slas...
Read full storyThe Declaration of Independence Rewritten by the Tea Party
Although the more momentous voting on the Declaration of Independence occurred on July 2, this revered document was signed and officially adopted on July 4, which we now proudly celebrate as Independence Day (although John Adams preferred July 2). What follows is a rewrite of the Declaration of Independence, as conceived of by the Tea Party, had the Founding Fathers known as much about their ow...
Read full storyTaco Bell Bids Adios To Their Kids Meal
IRVINE, California - One of the nation's largest Mexican food franchise chains has just announced that it is discontinuing its popular Kids Meal and Plastic Toy menu item. Company Spokesperson Fresco Pibtonpick stated that the reason for the termi...
Read full storyDetroit Goes Bankrupt: China Is Seriously Considering Buying The City
DETROIT - After months of speculation and wondering when the hammer will fall, the hammer has finally fallen on the once proud city of Detroit. The city has had to file for bankruptcy due to the fact that the Detroit City Fund only has $13.53 in t...
Read full storyPaula Deen Is Offered A Job By Queen Elizabeth
SAVANNAH, Georgia - National Focus Magazine is reporting that former cooking show host Paula Deen has been offered a job in England. Durango Tucker with NFM reported that Queen Elizabeth has been following the sad fall from grace of Paula Deen and...
Read full storyDonald Trump Hates Being Ignored
NEW YORK CITY - There is perhaps no one in the entire United States who hates being ignored more than Mr. Golden Hair himself, Donald Trump. Everyone knows that when it comes to the size of egos, Trump's is probably a little bit bigger than Greenl...
Read full storyHollyweird's Hottest: Kaitlyn Leeb
TORONTO, Canada - Those kooky Canucks! They hit the Hollyweird jackpot, and all they do is bitch! Imagine winning a role in the remake of Total Recall and complaining about it. That's exactly what Canadian actress Kaitlyn Leeb did in a recent interview, much to the chagrin of Original Films executives and their counterparts at Columbia Pictures, the company distributing the movie. Leeb's compla...
Read full storyPalace Malice Leaves Every Horse In The Dust As He Wins The Yucatan Commemorative Derby
COZUMEL, Mexico - Kentucky racehorse Palace Malice has just become the first horse in Mexico to ever win the nation's Triple Crown of Horseracing as he handily won The Yucatan Commemorative Derby. Zorro La Bamba with The Sports Bet Gazette covered...
Read full storyThe true story of Marvel Comics' Wolverine
Wolverine was born in Canada. He has no mother; his father, Marvel artist Len Wein, is thought to have created him through masturbation, much as the ancient Greeks created the gods who ruled them. In the comic books, however, Wolverine's origin is attributed to the Canadian government (as if the Canucks' scientists were capable of creating anything akin to sheer damn manliness). Soon after his...
Read full storyIt's A Lizard!!! - Joy At Prince William and Kate Middleton Royal Baby Birth
The Royal Family was in joyous mood last night as they welcomed a new addition into the world - a bouncing baby lizard. Proud parents the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge confirmed that the male reptoid, delivered at London Zoo, weighed in at a healthy...
Read full storyThe Nation Is Running Out Of Vowels, The FB* Warns
Washington, DC -- America is about to pay a high price for its love affair with its five favorite letters. The vowels -- A,E,I,O,U -- have become so popular that there aren't enough of them to go around, according to a recently published FB* report.
Read full storyPepe and Hillary's One Year Re-Union at Club Lewinsky
It is obvious to myself, Pepe Warezabar, your roving reporter for The Guard Dog, that Hillary Clinton is alive to every nuance, every whisper of significance occurring in the known cosmos. So it was not surprising to me when we met for our one year re-union at her husband's favorite night club, The Lewinksy, that she would enquire about my health. The club was very noisy at this point with...
Read full storyChicharito and Cheryl Cole Travel To Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and Get Matching Tattoos
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - The Puffy Taco Resort & Casino was really hopping when word got out that English singer Cheryl Cole and her boyfriend Chicharito, a native of Mexico who plays soccer in Britain were in town visiting. The Geordie singer...
Read full storyMetta World Peace Says The Hell With The Lakers After He's Waived
LOS ANGELES - It seems like things in Mudslideville (Los Angeles) just keep getting bleaker for the purple and gold team. The latest episode in the roundball soap opera As The Big Round Ball Turns has Metta World Peace (the player formerly known a...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Might Be Charged With Indecent Exposure
NEW YORK CITY - The New York City Police Department has just announced that Canadian singer Justin Bieber could possibly end up being hit with indecent exposure charges. An NYPD spokesperson told The iRumors News Agency that two individuals have c...
Read full storyAfter UK Announce Jane Austen To Appear On Bank Note US Announce Austin Powers Will Appear On Theirs
The news that Jane Austen would become only the third woman, besides Queen Elizabeth II, to appear on an English bank note has prompted US Treasury officials to endorse $10 bills with an equally iconic figure. "We toyed with the idea of having Bio...
Read full storyVice-President Joe Biden In A Show of Political Solidarity Will Have A White House Weenie Roast For Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and Rick Perry
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Vice-President Joe Biden asked the commander-in-chief if he could throw a little holiday White House Weenie Roast in the backyard of the White House. The president answered that he thought it would be a great idea and a fabulous...
Read full storySour grape news: militant French winegrowers suspected of bombings
Carcassonne - A spate of bomb blasts in Europe's most ancient fortified town have been blamed on disgruntled local winegrowers whose mediocre plonk has been described as little better than battery acid. Months of inexplicable dynamiting of French...
Read full storyMila Kunis is Fed Up With Demi Moore Dragging Her Feet In Giving Ashton Kutcher a Divorce
LOS ANGELES - Actress Mila Kunis, who is the girlfriend of actor Ashton Kutcher recently made some very harsh statements about Demi Moore. Kunis, 29, told Bedroom Pillow Talk that Demi needs to be a woman and stop acting like a spoiled brat and gi...
Read full storyJohnny Depp Shocked As The Lone Ranger Bombs
LOS ANGELES - Johnny Depp has told a very close friend that he feels like going into the Witness Protection Program. Depp made that comment after his latest film The Lone Ranger appears headed for the last roundup. The actor who just turned 50,...
Read full storyU.S. Explorers Discover A World War II German U-Boat In An Alaskan Iceberg
JUNEAU, Alaska - A Group of Arctic explorers from Walla Walla, Washington have reported making a fantastic find. Team leader Marco Ruckertucker, 42, told the news media that his group of six explorers, who have been dubbed The Magnificent 7 by Mic...
Read full storyKate Middleton Says That Queen Elizabeth is Starting To Get On Her Last Nerve
LONDON - Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that Kate Middleton has just told her husband William that he had better talk to his grandmother AKA Queen Elizabeth II, and tell her that she had better stop meddling in their marital affairs. Kate, who i...
Read full storyAaron Hernandez Will Not Be Having A Prison Wedding
BRISTOL COUNTY, Massachusetts - Aaron Hernandez is in a world of trouble and the ex-$8 million per year New England Patriots player cannot even afford to pay for a Get Out of Jail Free Card. In the span of just a few short weeks Hernandez has gone...
Read full storyRep. Steve King Seen Limping Along in Washington with his Foot in his Mouth
Rep. Steve King, awhile back, opined, "White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization — how did that language become offensive? . . . . Why did I sit in classes teaching me about the merits of our history and our civilization?" After the...
Read full storyMiddle East on karma alert for Ramadan new moon
Asia - Monday's Sun/Moon/Mercury/Jupiter conjunction in the sign of Cancer kick starts the annual Holy Month with a classic Muslim Sisterhood-kinda aspect not seen since AD 579 when sexist revisionists ousted the Great Goddess Al-Lat, the preeminent,...
Read full storyScientists Discover That Dogs' Olfactory Systems Survive Death
ALEXANDRIA, VA--Scientists at the National Canine Laboratory in Alexandria, Virginia, have discovered that the olfactory systems of dogs survive up to six months after they have died. In an experiment in which the scientists picnicked on barbecu...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Says Ashton Kutcher Asked Her To Write A Song About Demi Moore
NASHVILLE - Taylor Swift is known as the girl singer who writes songs about all of her failed relationships. The 23-year-old has written songs about ex-boyfriends Harry Styles, Conor Kennedy, Patrick Schwarzenegger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Joe Jonas, and...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Reflects on Her Rehab Clinic Stay
LOS ANGELES - A custodian at the rehab clinic where Lindsay Lohan is serving her 3 month mandatory confinement has said that he has never seen a patient who is in such a state of denial, confusion, and boredom than Lindsay Lohan. He commented that...
Read full storyObama Establishes New Department of Euphemism and Sententia
The so-called coup d'etat in Egypt - while no doubt difficult for Egyptians - is causing all manner of trouble for the Obama administration. If anyone in the administration utters this quaint French phrase, even in jest, even once with their fingers...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch Eye Shadow for men
Sparks and Mensa the high street shop for the supernova of the intelligentsia have announced a new eye make up range aimed exclusively at men. "The eye liner range we launched last year did remarkably well," said manager of the Dorking store, Just...
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