Texas Republicans: Storks Bring Babies

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Thursday, 11 July 2013


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Texas enacts bold new sex ed laws

AUSTIN TX (AP) In addition to passing controversial abortion legislation, the Republican ruled Texas house of representatives added two new amendments just prior to the final vote. Learning from North Carolina, there was no debate.

Both amendments are directed at "improving Texas public school curricula to protect the safety and Sanctity of women" according to newly anointed Texas Republican party spokesman, Pat Robertson.

The first measure that was attached will replace all mentions of the word "sex" in all Texas textbooks with the phrase, "Thou Shalt Not Summon The Stork Outside of Traditional Biblical Marriage."

Robertson went on to explain that the second measure will force all public school employees to respond to students' questions regarding babies with the new state mandated text, "Babies are Gifts from God, Delivered by Storks." Penalties for violating the new sex education laws include public stoning.

Both measures were immediately endorsed in a special session of the State Board of Education. The new laws were also enthusiastically endorsed by Rick Santorum, who experienced a spontaneous orgasm upon hearing the news.

UPDATED: Santorum immediately reported to a nearby church, where he confessed his sin of emission.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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