Sour grape news: militant French winegrowers suspected of bombings

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

image for Sour grape news: militant French winegrowers suspected of bombings
Top-rated local tipple ain't no Californian Zinfandel

Carcassonne - A spate of bomb blasts in Europe's most ancient fortified town have been blamed on disgruntled local winegrowers whose mediocre plonk has been described as little better than battery acid.

Months of inexplicable dynamiting of French Agriculture Ministry buildings, the hijacking of foreign-registered wine-tankers, vandal attacks on retailers and warehouses and the daubing of hate graffiti on agricultural bank premises has been blamed on a ragbag of Aude District vignerons whose famous tipples include Nuits St Georges Bouche and Romanee Plonki.

Commenting on the guerilla tactics local Gendarmerie sources said the onslaught on a Socialist Party regional HQ bore all the hallmarks of a terror attack after the building's drains flooded surrounding streets with millions of gallons of red, white and rose.

"Everyone eez peessed from zee alcoholic fumes," a desk sergeant said as scores of residents complained of having breathed in the toxic fumes, "eez like Quatorze Juillet all over again."

A 75cl bottle of Chateau Chat-Brulee retails around ten squid.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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