Kristen Stewart Receives Threatening Letters

Funny story written by Bureau

Saturday, 27 March 2010

image for Kristen Stewart Receives Threatening Letters

Who would threaten beloved actress Kristen Stewart is what police are wondering.

"The young lady has been getting these for months before she finally brought several to us", stated Police Chief Lawrence Seaway! "I wish she had brought them to us before but she thought they were the usual junk and threw them away."

No identifiable fingerprints have been found, but the police think that the writer is a woman.

"Her constantly referring to herself as 'this woman' is a dead giveaway", stated Seaway.

How is she handling the letters?

"I'm frightened of these because they seem to have gone to all the trouble to check up on everything about me on Wiki!", Kristen told us.

The thing that may lead police to the writer is DNA evidence.

"We have that, as every single letter was written in piss after the writer had taken a lot of vitamins and thickened it with a little flour to make a piss rue", stated Chief Seaway. "Trouble is, the DNA matches no one on our files and we can't call in every fan of Miss Stewart and take the piss."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more