Republicant's? Republicunts? "Splitting Hairs," say Democrats

Written by b kenneth mcgee

Saturday, 27 March 2010


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The Center for Politics and the American Way issued a report on Friday analyzing the campaign themes that the two major political parties plan for the fall. Some of the information came from leaked internal memos and were not intended for publication. Here is how the report breaks down:

GOP strategy: Not much change in the GOP strategy. Will continue to campaign on "fear & smear" with emphasis on ginning up the base. In a secret memo titled: "The Masses Are Asses" the report states that the new base of the party is the T-Bagger and Birther groups with an average IQ of 91. "These folks are quite excitable and prone to violence," states the memo. If they spin out of control, we can condemn their actions and praise their patriotism. Wink, wink, and nod, nod, works one more time. Good mojo! While we piss and moan and just say NO, the base will call the Dems commies, socialists, faggots, Hitler, and Beelzebub. Saying that "the boogey man is coming, trumps all. If that doesn't work, we'll tell them that Canada has weapons of mass destruction and Joe Biden is a sissy."

Democratic strategy: More mock than shock. Memos procured and internal memos leaked show that the Dems will belittle and make fun of their opponents. "You can't vote for someone who you think is a total ass hole," says a leaked memo, "and there is plenty of fertile ground to plow on that one."

A reporter was allowed a brief glance at some of the ads the Dems plan to run. One shows John McCain in diapers with the caption, "Would you DEPENDS on this guy for your national security?" Another has Congressman John Boehner in a "Buster Brown" outfit, with short pants and a little bow tie. He is saying, "I'm gonna tell my Mommy!" Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell is shone as a school yard bully with a bloody nose, crying and blubbering, "You just wait till next time. I'm gonna bring my big brother!"

A Democratic spokesman speaking on condition of anonymity stated, "Republicant's? Republicunts? Just splitting hairs, I think. The devil is in the details!"

In related news, Senator John McCain has issued a statement that reads, "I will not return to my seat in the Senate until someone kisses my booboo and says they are sorry."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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