Windsore - (Holy Ass Mess): The small print in their 1945 prenup is explicit: any scandalous cock-ups/sordid cover-ups involving altar boys, prepubescent choiristers or trainee seminarians will damn their consecrated union for eternity.
And a back-up clause from the Third Secretion of Fatima decrees a cardiac thunderbolt will smite Joe Ratzinger's missus during Wholly Unnecessary Week.
For decades the deceitful Mrs Ratzinger has stayed grimly schtum as a squalid rumor mill implicating her only lawfully wedded spouse continues to rock the Vatican.
But a stiff upper lipped, oh-so-superior, holier-than-thou demeanour has done nothing to extinguish fears about the Holy Week Fatima prophecy.
At the core of the couple's nuptial contract is the curious 'Anal Mud Spy' clause which Biblical cryptographers have struggled to decipher.
A recent rearrangement of the letters by the Nazi-busting Enigma machine, however, has produced 'Palm Sunday' as the final solution to the couple's fate.
Of course none of this worries the Palace's loyal Hellfire Club supporters who have poo-pooed any suggestion that HM 'will croak it this week'.
Charles and Camilla's divorce will be decree absolute by 9 April.
